Talk Me Down
by gxldentrio
Summary: James is determined to stay away from short, freckled redheads. Lily, having had enough drama for a lifetime, is equally resolved to avoid dark-haired troublemakers. But he rarely does what he ought, and she is too stubborn for her own good. It should be an interesting year. (6th year fic. Now complete!)
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Thank you so much to my beta (Charlotte) and my lovely friends (Chloe, Linds, Vikki, Cindy, Grace and Becca) for the much needed motivation and support. I hope you enjoy this!

 **Disclaimer: Not that you thought that I was, but I am definitely not JKR and thus do not own anything.**

* * *

 **Prologue**

or

 _Fix my pride_

* * *

 _Mudblood._

That tiny, two-syllable word resounded in Lily's head over and over again. At first, she simply could not believe what had just happened. Surely, it must have been some kind of mistake. Maybe she had imagined it or hadn't heard him correctly. After all, Severus was her _best friend._ Or, at any rate, he was supposed to be. But quite soon, the truth settled in; he _had_ said it. And it hurt. Merlin, it hurt. More than Lily cared to admit.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!" He shouted, a look of absolute terror flashing through his eyes.

"Fine. I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_." Lily responded coolly, somewhat amazed by how steady her voice sounded. She did not believe it was possible to sound so composed at a moment like that but, then again, Lily often surprised herself.

"Apologise to Evans!" James Potter demanded, tearing Lily's eyes away from the boy with the greasy hair.

"I don't want you to make him apologise!" She shouted, "You're just as bad as he is!"

"What? I'd NEVER call you a — you-know-what!"

 _Mudblood._

"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can — I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."

On that unfathomly embarrassing note, Lily turned around and swept away, angry tears prickling at her eyes. For a while, she held them in. She would not, _could not_ , let them fall, at least not immediately, in everyone's plain sight.

She heard Potter calling after her and defending her in the background, but that meant next to nothing to Lily. After all, stupid Potter, with his stupid snitch and his stupid messy hair, was just as bad as Snape was, exactly like she had told him.

 _Mudblood._

Once Lily reached the safety of the deserted Hogwarts corridors, she finally let the tears fall in an unrestrained stream. As she leaned against the cold stone wall, she couldn't stifle the strangled sobs that left her throat.

Lily was so preoccupied, she didn't even have the energy to fight off the lanky, dark haired boy that settled next to her. "Leave me alone, Potter," she said in a croaky voice. Her usually vivid green eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were tear-streaked, as was expected of someone who had cried as violently as Lily had.

 _Mudblood._

"I'm sorry," Potter blurted out, his eyes staring emptily at the wall in front of them. He looked as though he was lost, or didn't know why he was there in the first place which, for Potter, was unusual. Then again, her whole afternoon had been far from ordinary, so why should this be any different? Lily bit back the snarky retort. She was tired, exceptionally so, and for once, she didn't have it in her to battle wits with the bespectacled boy. Instead, she settled on a different approach.

"You don't have to apologise," she started, which earned her a surprised look from Potter, "Especially because I know for a fact you don't mean it."

"Of course, I mean it-"

"You hate Sev- Snape." She looked at him doubtfully.

Potter attempted to smirk but it came out as more of a grimace. It was only then Lily noticed the gash on his cheek – which did look quite painful. "Yeah, I do."

"Then don't apologise." After a while, she added "What happened to your face?"

Deep down, Lily knew the answer. After all, only one time before had she seen a wound like that – it was Snape's pride and joy, his own creation. Lily was positive Potter would use the opportunity to complain about _Snivellus._ "It doesn't matter." He brushed it off, leaving Lily stunned. Silence filled the corridor. They were the only two people there, after all. It was hot outside and most people had chosen to go out and enjoy the sun. Most people were down by the lake. Most people had seen exactly what happened.

Filled with embarassment to the brim, Lily started to cry once more. It didn't matter that James Potter was there to see it.

"This is why I'm sorry. I am not sorry about what happened, but I am apologising for hurting you." His face looked solemn and his voice was deeper. Not the usual seductive tone he tried to put on when Lily was around. It sounded… genuine, much to Lily's chagrin. "Come here."

Lily wasn't supposed to climb into James Potter's arms. After all, he was a pig-headed idiot, but his arms were so warm, and she was so, _so_ tired.

Thus, Lily sat there, and she let herself be held, even though she knew it was not the most intelligent course of action to take.

James Potter was arrogant and deceitful and Lily knew getting attached to a troublemaker was just death in the long run. "Though I hope you know, Potter... This doesn't change anything." At least that's what she said to herself.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for reading! The next chapter should be up in a few days. Don't forget to tell me what you thought of it. x


	2. Do Me A Favour

**A/N:** I'd like to thank each and every one of you who favourited, followed and/or reviewed. Your support makes me so _so_ happy.

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

Or

 _Do Me A Favour_

* * *

However this may turn out to be, it is first and foremost a story, a story of war, pain and suffering, a story of family, friendship and unrequited affections, and perhaps most importantly, the story of how James Potter and Lily Evans came to fall, and then to realise that they were, in love with one another. Neither of them knows precisely when it started, but for chronology's sake, this story begins in the summer before sixth year.

(James)

James was bored.

It was the middle of August. Remus was sick, and as usual, Sirius was stuck at Grimmauld Place, probably enduring another one of those blasted _family meals._ Peter was spending the holidays in France with his mother.

That left James. On his own, bored out of his wits.

Leaning against the headboard of his four poster bed, James stared into space with nothing to do. And when there was nothing to do, James thought. He thought about endings and beginnings, about his three best mates in the world, about the blooming war that no one seemed to be able to do anything about, about the rain pattering on the windows.

What James _didn't_ think about, however, was a certain red headed girl called Lily Evans. James couldn't bear to think about her without his stomach fluttering ridiculously, so he just _didn't_.

Lily's words nagged his conscience for a full week, before he finally gave in and decided to write to her. James' resolve to forget all about Lily Evans only grew stronger every time she ignored one of his letters.

Damn it, he was thinking about her.

It was fairly dark outside; his parents had already gone to bed, so only James was up when someone knocked on the front door.

He wasn't too worried; his house had an extraordinary amount of enchantments protecting it, and he felt just as safe there as he did when at Hogwarts. Still, nowadays there was always the threat that somehow the Death Eaters had managed to get past them, and the Potters were, after all, only blood traitors.

James opened the door carefully, shocked to find his best mate Sirius Black standing there shivering, with his clothes and hair glued to his body by the rain, a split lip, and a bruise forming on his left temple.

* * *

(Lily)

It was hot and humid in Cokeworth. Lily stared at the cracks in her ceiling. If she looked hard enough, she could make shapes out of them, like trees or bolts of lightning.

Lily thought about going outside for a while, maybe eating some ice cream, but she felt confined inside her own house, and not only because of the heat. In fact, it seemed that Severus Snape had some sort of Lily-radar, and was sat outside her house every time she looked out the window.

Lily felt weak for doing so, but even after everything, when she thought about that afternoon by the lake, she couldn't help but shed a few more tears. Of course, not only was it painful to lose her best friend (especially in such a horrible and humiliating way), but the embarassment of _crying in the arms of James Potter_ was eating her alive.

At least she had something to keep herself busy with – and that was avoiding her sister at all costs. Petunia had gotten herself a boyfriend. His name was Vernon Dursley, and although Lily disliked him right away, she tried to hold back and at least be polite – after all, he hadn't done anything wrong. _Yet._

However, just because things had been going somewhat smoothly over the last few weeks, it still didn't mean Lily wanted to spend her summer around the two of them. That, along with the heat and trying to avoid Severus, meant that Lily mostly kept to herself the whole summer. Yes, her friends wrote her here and there, but Lily spent most of the time curled up in her bed reading a book or watching the telly. She was desperate to get out of the house.

Besides the rare correspondence that she had with her close friends, there was another more constant flow of letters, but Lily made a point to avoid _those,_ often resorting to shredding them to pieces as soon as she recognized the handwriting.

Lily was lying on the bed, skimming through _The Daily Prophet_ in order to pass time. Of course, the paper was already so corrupt that she didn't believe half the rubbish they printed. Still, the headlines were pretty damn scary, and she guessed that was probably the point Voldemort was trying to make. If people were afraid, it would be easier to reign over them. And fear was the best form of recruitment.

She thought about last year… What Mulciber had done to Mary was just _wrong._ It was obviously illegal (after all, the curse was called an Unforgivable for a reason) and Mary hadn't been herself since. She was always afraid, always looking over her shoulder, always unhappy… And Dumbledore had done nothing about it, except taking points away from Slytherin House.

 _Tap. Tap. Tap._

Lily looked up from her newspaper to find a beautiful eagle owl waiting outside her window. She recognized the animal – after all, it _had_ delivered her a few letters over the course of the summer holidays.

Still, even though she disliked Potter a great deal, his owl was an entirely different matter. No animal deserved to be kept outside on such a hot day. Lily opened the window for it and James' pet hooted in appreciation. As usual, it was carrying a letter, and for some reason, Lily felt compelled to open this one, even if she was already aware of its author.

Maybe it was the fact that Potter had sent her a different letter every three days before abruptly stopping at the beginning of the month. At the time, Lily had felt glad that Potter seemed to have gotten the memo, but now she was curious as to why he had finally written to her again, after a full month.

 _Evans,_

 _Before you choose to ignore this letter like I know you've been doing the whole summer, I'm asking you to actually read this one, because it's quite important._

 _Normally, I wouldn't go on about my friend's secrets to other people, but I know you and Sirius get along and I don't know what to do, so I need your help._

 _Two days ago, he showed up at my door in the middle of the night, drenched from head to toe with an split lip and a couple of bruises. I'm sure you've guessed what happened by now. Sirius finally ran way, but I don't really know where to go from here. And you've got a firm head on your shoulders and I know you'll be able to take his mind off things._

 _He's trying to avoid the subject at all cost, but even if he doesn't talk to me about it, maybe you could come over and try to talk some sense into him? Or maybe we could go to Diagon Alley one afternoon and get started on back to school shopping. I know I haven't done mine yet. But it's your call, really._

 _Oh, and send your letter back with Artemis – she's been told to wait for a reply._

 _James_

* * *

(Mary)

It was a nice day outside. It was hot, it was sunny and Mary felt happy. She hadn't felt that way in a long time. It was the summer holidays and she had done well enough on her O.W.L.'s, despite everything.

After the incident… everything had been upside down. She felt out of control, paranoid. Her friends wouldn't leave her alone, and she appreciated it. For the whole summer, Mary either was with her best friend, Marlene, or with her boyfriend. Her amazing, wonderful boyfriend who made her feel safe. Untouchable.

Mary hummed to herself as she finished getting ready. The doorbell rang and Mary skipped down the stairs to open it.

Bertram Audrey was one of the most handsome boys at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had curly, blond hair and the prettiest pair of green eyes. He was a seventh year, a Ravenclaw Prefect, a Muggleborn (such as herself) and most importantly, he was Mary Mcdonald's boyfriend. The two of them had been dating for the past two months and she had never felt so lucky.

"Good afternoon, love." Bertram leaned down to give his girlfriend a peck.

"Shall we go?" Mary said goodbye to her mother, and, with the promise to be back in time for dinner, the young couple apparated to Diagon Alley.

A couple of hours later, an angry Mary Macdonald was marching purposefully back towards the house. Tears were streaming down her face, smearing her mascara across her cheeks.

"Mary, come on!" Bertram shouted, but Mary slammed the door shut. So much for a nice day.

* * *

(Sirius)

"Wake up, Padfoot." James threw the covers off the bed and, after twenty minutes of ignoring his best friend, Sirius was finally forced to wake up.

"It's way too early for this." It was too early to face anything but the comfort of his sheets.

"Mate, it's three in the afternoon."

"Exactly my point, Prongs." He was too tired and it was all too much and Sirius wasn't sure he could take it. So, as usual, he decided to attribute it to simple laziness.

"You big baby. Come on, we're going to Diagon Alley with Evans."

And even though it took him every ounce of the effort he had to spare, after a bit of prodding on James' part, Sirius finally decided to get up and get ready.

The truth was, he didn't know what to do. Sirius was angry about his brother, pissed off at his parents and hurt that none of it was a surprise. Maybe he was defective, doomed to feel like this all the time. James helped, of course. Sirius knew that no other person would have opened their doors in the middle of the night and let someone into their home, especially not at the present time.

Still, it was like a weight he had to carry all on his own, and what annoyed him the most was that he really ought not to care about his family, but despite all the abuse, he still did. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone and, just like he did with everything, Sirius blamed it on Regulus.

* * *

(James, again)

"Hey." Lily waved at James. "Hi, Sirius." Sirius hugged her.

"Hey."

"Thanks for coming," James told her.

"It was no problem." Lily smiled at him, and James decided to ignore the way his stomach flipped uncomfortably or the way his heart started to beat faster. It was likely that she was only being civil towards him for Sirius' sake.

"Should we grab some ice cream?" Lily asked, trying to diffuse the tension. Sirius nodded; James was still a bit too overwhelmed to answer.

Sirius and Lily were walking side by side, a little ahead of James, but he didn't mind. If it was any other day, James would have felt jealous of the way Lily casually looped her arm through Sirius'. But today was not about ogling the prettiest girl he'd ever seen: today was about getting his best friend to feel a little better.

Even if Sirius pretended not to care, James knew the comments and jabs still affected him, especially when it came to his brother, Regulus. The pair of them had spent too many sleepless nights as thirteen year olds when Regulus was sorted for James not to know.

The three of them walked around Diagon Alley for a couple of hours, entered all the shops, ran into some friends and ate way too much chocolate ice cream.

Mary MacDonald and her boyfriend were there, but she didn't seem to be having that great a time. It probably had something to do with the fact that Bertram was paying more attention to the cashier at Quality Quidditch Supplies than he was to his girlfriend, which didn't make any sense whatsoever because James knew that the only sport Bertram actually liked was football.

"And his middle name is Fleamont! Fleamont!" James heard Sirius laugh. Usually James would have already protested, but seeing his best mate finally cheerful again only made him happy. It was then that he decided that Lily Evans was a ray of sunshine in him and his best mate's miserable existence.

* * *

Sirius had gone straight home, but James, however, had decided to walk Lily to her door. He wasn't exactly sure why.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?" She asked all of a sudden and, while she seemed unsure of her own actions, nothing could top James' confusion.

"Look… I know the two of us have never been on good terms exactly... and I'm sorry to have been avoiding your letters. I was just embarrassed about what happened," Lily looked at the ground as she spoke, her eyes darting from one speck of dirt to another. "And while I understand if you don't want to be, I'd really like it if the two of us could be friends. Or just try to get along, really..."

"Sure." She visibly sighed with relief. "I'll see you on the train then?" James asked, ignoring once more the way his heart rate had quickened.

"Yeah, see you." Lily turned around, face flushed and hands trembling. Her hair caught the light as she went under the front porch and James' stomach flipped once more.

James got home right in time for dinner. His father had made lasagna, James' favourite. He loved his father's cooking. Fleamont Potter's recipes always had a special touch to them, maybe because he was a Potioneer.

Sirius was still in a sour mood; his jaw was still clenched, his hands were still balled in fists. After all, even though the Blacks were not – never had been – a nice family, and even though they'd never treated Sirius properly, he had still lived with them for the past sixteen years. One afternoon with Lily Evans couldn't change that.

James knocked on the wooden door of Sirius' bedroom, only to find him packing.

"What are you doing?" James leaned on the door, running his hands through his hair as he spoke.

"Leaving." Sirius said in a short breath, not bothering to look up from his school trunk.

"No." James crossed his arms. "You're not."

"I am though. You can't stop me, James." Sirius continued to mindlessly toss clothes into the trunk.

"Yes, I can." He walked over to his best friend and started to unpack.

"I told you last night that I'd find a new place. I can't just turn up here in the middle of the night…" His voice was shaky; He was very nearly crying. "And especially after what I did to Moony last term, I won't…"

"Stop, Sirius. Just stop. I told you, you're home." James replied, as he put his hand on Sirius' shoulder."I swear to Merlin, my parents probably like you more than they like _me._ And I'm nothing short of amazing." At this, Sirius snorted.

They stood there, in deep silent conversation, for James and Sirius could read each other's thoughts with just one glance. After a while, Sirius jolted.

"What about Evans?" Sirius asked.

"What about her?" James lifted his hand to his hair.

"Why did you ask her to Diagon Alley with us? More importantly, why did she say _yes_?"

"For you, I suppose. I wrote her a letter."

"You two looked fine today, even though things didn't end very well between the two of you this term, if I remember correctly. And I have quite a good memory."

"We're… trying to get along."

"Hm. Interesting..." Sirius muttered to himself. Most likely, James wasn't supposed to hear it but alas, he did.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

What was Sirius getting at? Sure, they were mates now… well, potentially anyway, but it was something. Still, James recalled the things she had shouted at him and the things he'd said back. He knew it was difficult to bounce back from something like that. And the two of them always bickered so much. But it was too fun seeing the girl with the fiery hair get worked up like that. They were two stars, waiting to collapse.

No, things hadn't ended well between the pair of them… But James couldn't shake the image of vulnerable, sweet Lily Evans crying in his arms, only minutes after calling him an arrogant, bulllying toerag.

And, of course, there was also the fact that he fancied the pants off the girl. Yes, that could most definitely get in the way of their potential friendship. So, James decided, he'd forget all about his little crush on Evans. It didn't matter that he'd decided the same thing in the past, many, _many_ times, because this time he was actually going to go through with it. It was far better, in James' mind, to be mates with Evans (potentially) than to suffer from unrequited affection.

But was he strong enough to ignore the tugs on his heartstrings, the fluttering in his stomach? Maybe it would be better to steer clear of Lily Evans...

Of course, you and I both know, James Potter never did what was best for him.

* * *

(Severus)

Severus was positive that this summer had been the worst so far. His first summer without Lily since they were nine. He didn't know what bothered him more, the fact that she didn't want to have anything to do with him or the fact that she was right in reacting that way.

Every day for the first two weeks of summer break, Lily would go out for a stroll at precisely three in the afternoon and, every day, Severus faithfully waited outside for her. She'd stopped coming outside. After that, everytime he went to her house, her mother would say she wasn't home.

He lurked in the shadows, thought about ways of gaining her trust back. Maybe if he just proved to her that Potter and his friends were up to no good, she'd accept the fact that she was better off without the git.

Before, she'd have said that she didn't need anyone to tell her so, that she knew Potter was rubbish _thank-you-very-much,_ but apparently she'd forgotten all that because suddenly his fucking bird was constantly flying about Cokeworth.

Besides, neither of them had noticed, but Severus had seen Potter walking Lily home, and he had noticed the way that he'd looked at her and the way that she hadn't seemed to despise him as much as usual.

What did they know anyway? They were sixteen years old and they were foolish. If Lily didn't understand that, it was Severus who was better off without _her._ But he still craved her. He still wanted her back. He wanted her to be his. Most importantly, he wanted her not to want Potter, ever.

The whole thing made him sick. The whole thing made him fucking sick.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sixth year begins in the next chapter, and thus the _real_ fun will begin. Don't forget to tell me your thoughts! What were your favourite bits? x


	3. Test the Waters

**A/N:** I'm going to be honest with you guys, I struggled really hard with writing this chapter, for some reason, so it didn't come out as long as I'd like it to have. Still, I hope you enjoy it, and thank you so much for your kind words and support it makes my day.

 **Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't own anything.**

* * *

 **Chapter Two**

or

 _Test the Waters_

* * *

(September 1st, 1976)

It was her first day back at Hogwarts. The weather was lovely and the food was even better. Lily had missed her friends, the faculty, and the familiarity of the castle. So far, everything was going according to plan. She finished her meal and then proceeded to take care of the first years and show them around. The little brats did as they were told by their Prefects and even the train ride hadn't seemed as long as usual. Of course, Lily knew, all good things must come to an end.

There were five beds in the fifth year Gryffindor girls' dormitory, although, at the present time, the room most resembled a war zone. It was almost funny, really.

There were pillows everywhere and the room was a mess, which didn't make any sense at all because it was their first night in the castle and – Lily checked her watch – thirty minutes ago everything was in place."Men are pigs, Lily. Don't ever date," said Marlene, throwing another pillow on the floor. Elizabeth, who had been somewhat patiently picking up various articles of clothing off every surface, finally snapped.

"Honestly! It's only the first day back and Sirius Black has already been to the infirmary - _and_ the dorm is a mess! There's clothes everywhere. Would it _kill_ you to tidy up for once or at least to leave my bed out of it?"

"Wait, what?" Lily was beyond confused. "Black was in the infirmary? What for?"

"Care to explain, dear?" Mary smiled knowingly.

Marlene sighed and – _finally –_ sat still on her four poster. "It all started after supper."

* * *

(What went down)

The feast was fantastic, as usual, and Marlene left the Great Hall content. She had Mary, her best friend of six years with her and she was on her way to meet her date, Michael Duncan.

He was a seventh year Hufflepuff, incredibly tall with his hair cropped short. There wasn't anything particularly remarkable about the boy, except the fact that he was a good shag. Marlene had learned to appreciate those, as she'd found that they weren't all that easy to stumble upon.

"Should I wait up?" Mary asked her.

"Of course! Who do you think I _am_?"

"Honey, you're a slag, but I love you for it. See you tomorrow."

Marlene made her way to the unused classroom on the second floor. As she passed the Anne Boleyn portrait, someone caught her eye. It was Duncan, and he had his tongue down Ada Walsh's throat.

Everything after that was a blur. The Marauders showed up, as they always did when something interesting was about to happen. No one knew how they knew where to go or how they got there so quickly, but over the years, people had come to just accept it.

First, she shouted. Ada fled the scene, and Marlene honestly could not blame her. Michael and her had never made their relationship public, so there was no way Ada could have known. The fact that Ada Walsh was a tart was common knowledge, but this time it really wasn't her fault, Marlene knew that. _Michael_ , on the other hand…

"What is _wrong_ with you, Duncan?"

He tried to defend himself, claiming that they'd never talked about exclusivity but Marlene didn't care. She didn't care about his half-arsed excuses, she didn't care about the crowd that had gathered to watch, she didn't care about any of the spectacle. What Marlene cared about was how betrayed she felt. She wasn't in love with him or anything, nothing like that. To be completely honest, Marlene barely even fancied him.

But public or private, exclusive or not, relationships and individuals deserved respect and Marlene felt belittled by his lack of consideration. She felt frustrated, cheated on – which was, of course, exactly what had happened. And he was a Hufflepuff, for Merlin's sake! Weren't Hufflepuffs supposed to be fair and just and _loyal_? What on Earth had possessed him to snog a tart like Walsh? She was angry and therefore could not be held accountable for her actions. Marlene was an impulsive girl and she was fed up with being treated like a doormat.

"Of course he snogged her, Mckinnon." Had she said that part out loud? "She's fit," said Sirius Black.

And then, Marlene did what any sensible woman like herself would do in her situation; she punched him.

* * *

(Dolls)

Ada Walsh was attractive, and she knew it too. She had a thin, willowy build and her hair was styled into a fashionable below-the-shoulder wave. Her chestnut coloured locks went perfectly with her blue eyes and her skin was perfectly tanned, perfectly freckled. She had everything that was necessary to be popular, except a shred of compassion. Boys didn't like her personality and girls didn't like her _at all,_ but well, people didn't shag other people's _personalities._

It made sense that Michael Duncan had wanted a slice of the cake, so Sirius had a point. But Marlene had been fuming at the time – and still was – so Sirius really should have watched his tongue.

At least that's what Marlene droned on and on about, and that's what Lily had to listen to for the next hour or so. The Common Room was exceptionally noisy and one of the fourth years, Kath Terry, had come to their dorm to ask for help. Mary went downstairs and Lily put Marlene to bed; Lizzie and Susan were already fast asleep.

She was (finally) getting ready for bed herself when she heard someone call her name.

"Yes, Mary?" Lily stopped fluffling her pillow to look at her roomate.

"Just thought I'd let you know... Snape is outside the common room and he's threatening to sleep there unless you come down. Usually I'd leave it alone, but it's scaring the first years."

"It's okay, thanks for warning me." Lily smiled at her friend. "I'll be right back," she assured Mary.

"Do you need any help?" Mary offered.

"I'm good, but thank you."

From the way Lily stomped her way down the stairs, everyone in the Gryffindor common room took it she wasn't in the greatest of moods. She slammed the portrait shut after her, and not even bothering to make eye contact with the boy in front of her, she started talking.

"Before you get any ideas, I only came down because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here. What do you want, Severus?" Lily was tired. Snape had made her hide away in her room the whole summer, and she'd be damned if he tried to make her hide away in her dorm as well. This was her castle too.

"I came here to apologize, and I'm not leaving until you say we can be mates again. You've avoided me the whole summer-"

"Well, I wonder why that was." Lily commented sarcastically. Snape seemed to cower at the tone of her voice.

"I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just -"

"Slipped out?" Lily interrupted him, her voice ice cold. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years…. You call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

"It was just an accident! Of course I don't think you're a Mudblood. We're supposed to be friends." He smiled at Lily, and Merlin, it hurt to see how much he'd changed.

"No, Sev, we're not. Do you see… I don't know, Potter and Black shouting racial slurs at each other?"

"Why are you bringing _them_ up? I thought Potter was just an arrogant toerag to you-"

"He _is_ , but at least he treats his friends properly. And you're being ungrateful. I hope you're not forgetting how he ran down the Whomping Willow to save you from whatever it was that was down there."

"You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to—I won't let you—"

"Let me? _Let me_?"

"What's going on here?" Of course. James bloody Potter had to come along and stick his nose in other people's business.

"Nothing." Severus and Lily said in unison, causing Snape to glance hopefully at her.

Lily's bright green eyes were slits. "We're not friends. Friends don't insult each other." Before Snape could reply, Lily continued. "I'm tired of making excuses; I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way and I've chosen mine."

"Evans, you should probably go upstairs." Potter warned her, cracking his knuckles, readying himself for a fight.

"What is it with you two trying to boss me around? I am not a goddamn puppet!" Lily shouted. "Off to bed! Both of you!"

For what felt like the first time in his whole time at Hogwarts, James Potter looked taken aback, and Lily could not believe her eyes. But instead of confronting him about it, she decided to turn back around and climb up the stairs to her dormitory. The two dunderheads wanted to settle matters between them? She'd let them. She wasn't their mother; she'd done her best. It was up to them if they wanted to act like nine year olds.

* * *

(A New Beginning)

The next day, Lily woke up with a massive headache. She was expecting to go down to the Great H all for breakfast and listen to everyone going on about a brawl between the two boys, but instead there was nothing but blissful silence. The toast was warm, as usual, the pumpkin juice was just as delightful and the porridge was just the right texture. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Good morning." James Potter slid into the seat next to her. His hair was messier than usual and he appeared to be out of breath (two characteristics which weren't, by themselves, unusual, so Lily paid no attention to them).

"Hi." Lily's tone was clipped. Just because Potter had decided to listen to her and leave Snape alone, it didn't mean Lily couldn't act passive agressive about the way he'd coddled her last night. "Now, if you'll excuse me," Lily glanced at her schedule, which Professor McGonagall had given her just moments before, "I have a Transfiguration class to attend."

"Are you okay?" He asked, standing up, determined to finish the conversation.

"Just peachy."

"You're seriously starting to freak me out, Evans."

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry-"

"Will you _please_ cut it with the sarcasm and just tell me what it was that I did to annoy you this time so I can apologize and we can both move on?"

"That's exactly the problem." Lily stopped in her tracks. Luckily, it was so early that the corridors were still pretty much empty. "You don't think about things, you just say them. And then, when people get upset, you act like you don't care about it at all and you just want everyone to be friends with each other. It was a long night and I'm tired. I don't like to be bossed around, Potter, and if you can't handle that, then this… friendship thing... it's not going to work."

"Is this about last night?"

"Yes, it's about last night."

"I'm _sorry_. I shouldn't have tried to meddle between you and Snape," he said as though he believed it, but the grin that stretched across his lips told Lily otherwise.

"No, you shouldn't have..." She didn't feel like fighting anymore. They were supposed to be getting along, for Christ's sake."But I forgive you."

"Can I ask you a question?" Lily didn't know what to expect.

"Sure."

"Promise you won't get mad?"

"I'll _try_ not to."

"How were you ever his friend? Him and his little Death Eater mates are no good, Evans." She should have known. She _really_ should have known.

"Of course! You know, if I wasn't so sure you two hated each other, I'd think you were secretly snogging." Potter made a disgusted expression.

"I'm being serious," he said.

"So am I! I swear to Merlin, you're both obsessed with each other. It's always Snape this and Snivellus that... It's maddening! And it's the same with him! Do you know how many times I've had this conversation with him?"

"Evans."

"You don't think I know who he is? Who he's become? He's my _best friend._ Was my best friend." Lily quickly corrected herself. "But you have to understand, he wasn't always like that. Besides, you and Sirius were the ones who antagonised him right from the start! What could he possibly have done to you in those first few minutes on the train that made you hate him so much?"

"Why are you defending him? Don't you remember what his friends did to Mary last year?"

"I'm not defending him. I'm just curious, that's all."

"If I'm being completely honest, I don't think I know myself." (He knew it. It was because of her. It was always because of her.)

"Oh."

There was so much tension; there were too many things that the two of them wanted to say, but that could never come out, as it was difficult to rebound from such harsh words. And because there wasn't much else to say (at least, nothing proper, innocent and worthwhile at the same time), the two of them walked to Transfiguration class in a silence that was as comfortable as it was awkward.

* * *

Minerva McGonagall was a responsible woman and, at times, a responsible cat. One of the strictest professors Hogwarts had ever seen, she was not only the Gryffindor Head of House but also the Deputy Headmistress. With her hair pulled up tightly against her face and her lips so easily pressed into a nearly invisible line, Minerva McGonagall was born to be a teacher, there was no doubt about it. A woman of Scottish origins and cast-iron moral sense, Minerva loved her students – and Quidditch – more than anything else.

Minerva McGonagall was never late. And yet, on that September 2nd, she was. But more on that later.

* * *

 **A/N:** So what did you think? Please, do let me know! The next chapter will be a longer one! x


	4. Differences and Impulses

**A/N:** Glad you've all been enjoying the story so far! I'm also at AO3 as gxldentrio! If you prefer that platform, Talk Me Down and other fics of mine have also been posted over there. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the world, and these characters are not my own - I'm simply borrowing them from JKR.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

or

 _Differences and Impulses_

* * *

Only a few students noticed when the clock ticked nine and the professor was not yet in the room. Five minutes passed and still McGonagall was nowhere to be seen. Five more minutes, nothing. Ten more. There was chatter. The students whispered, theories were born. Where was Professor McGonagall? The class was in turmoil.

"Where is McGonagall?"

"What happened?"

"Haven't you heard?"

"Heard _what_?"

Lily Evans stood up. "Calm down, everyone. McGonagall will be here soon and if the class is a mess when she does, we'll be in a heap of trouble, so let's just quieten down and wait for her. I'm sure she'll have a completely valid reason, as she always does-"

"Thank you, Miss Evans." The professor entered the classroom with a sour expression on her face. Then, in her usual no-nonsense tone, she said, "Black, my office. The rest of you are dismissed." Professor McGonagall then turned around and left again.

"What did you _do_ , Padfoot?" whispered James, but Sirius did not respond, opting instead for following the Deputy Headmistress.

* * *

(In the dungeons)

"What is going on here?" Professor McGonagall's ankle boots clicked against the stone cold floor as she moved towards him and she did not look pleased in the slightest. "Black, back to class _now._ " It would have been exceptionally foolish of Sirius to do otherwise.

Professor McGonagall was born to be a teacher. But at the moment, she wished that she was not. (Almost.)

* * *

(The Quiet)

The classroom was mostly empty now, and James wanted to follow suit and maybe pass out on his bed for the next hour or so, but upon noticing that Lily Evans was still sitting at her desk, her eyes closed as if she were asleep, he stopped and nudged her shoulder.

"Are you coming?" he asked in hushed tones.

"You go ahead, I might stop by the Hospital Wing to get some headache potion or something." She replied dismissively, as though she wanted nothing more than to be left alone, which wasn't that far from the truth.

"Are you alright, Evans?"

"Yeah," she yawned. "Just a bit tired, I reckon."

"All right then. I'll see you later."

James left, and after a while, so did Lily. She made her way to the first floor and knocked on the door to the Hospital Wing.

"Excuse me? Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yes, dear?"

"I was wondering if I could have some headache potion…" It was only then that Lily noticed the bed on the far left side of the room, curtains drawn and all. "Who is that over there?"

The matron sighed before speaking. "Severus Snape."

* * *

(Toujours Pur)

"Take a seat, Mr. Black." Sirius did as he was told in silence. He shouldn't have done it, he knew that, but for some reason he didn't have it in him to regret it. "Explain yourself."

"I can't explain myself. You already know what happened. If you didn't, I wouldn't be sitting here." Snarky responses would get him nowhere. So why was he pushing it?

"The thing is, Mr. Black," the Transfiguration professor said, removing her glasses and carefully placing them on top of the cherry wood desk, "it's only your second day back at Hogwarts and you've already gotten into, not one, but two fights."

"I'm sorry, Professor - two?"

"Two, Mr. Black. Or is it not true that you had a… _disagreement_ with Miss Mckinnon last night?"

"That wasn't a fight." Sirius dismissed the idea as though it were ridiculous. "Mckinnon and I are cool."

"Nevertheless, after what happened last year, you're on probation. I've just come back from a meeting with Professor Slughorn and, as I know he is somewhat… lenient with his students, I was hoping that I could hear your side of the story. Unless you'd prefer for me to take this to the Headmaster, that is."

"I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry, but I can't… I can't explain it. I'm sorry-"

"I'll have to write to your parents too, I'm sure you know that."

"No!" McGonagall seemed surprised by the sudden outburst. "You can't write to my parents."

"And why is that?"

"I've… sort of, you know..."

"No, I'm afraid I don't know, Mr. Black." A humourless laugh escaped Sirius' lips.

"I've run away. Last month, actually. I'm staying at the Potters', but you can't write to them either! They've been nothing but kind to me and, well, I don't want to disappoint them." Once Sirius started talking, he couldn't seem to stop himself. He had been bottling everything up for far too long. It was like shaking a can of a carbonated soda, and now it was spilling everywhere.

"I couldn't take it anymore, you know? And then _Regulus_ , of all people, had to come and talk to me and I just exploded. I'm so sorry, I am." He was shaking now and McGonagall's features softened.

"Have a biscuit, Black."

"Have a- what?"

"Have a biscuit. Start from the beginning."

* * *

(Rationality)

Lily should have known.

She was… upset. Was upset the right word? She wasn't quite sure. But she most certainly wasn't happy. No, Lily Evans was… cross. She was _cross._

All Lily wanted was a few moments of peace and quiet. She should have known better than to get caught up in wishful thinking.

* * *

When she left the Hospital Wing, having completely forgotten to actually drink the potion, she was confused. Well, not exactly _confused_ per se (the dots were easy enough to connect), but disappointed. He had apologised. Potter had apologised and she had believed him.

He had been _grinning,_ for Merlin's sake! He'd had that glint in his eyes that fifth-year Lily Evans certainly wouldn't have trusted.

But she wasn't fifth-year Lily Evans anymore, was she? No, sixth year Lily Evans was quite different. For one, she was a best friend shorter. It wouldn't do to think about Severus, Lily decided at once. Nostalgia would get her nowhere.

But she had trusted him! He'd seemed so genuine, so mature. She should have known. Lily _really_ should have known.

Lily wasn't sure how to feel, so she allowed herself to be angry. And angry she was. Lily wasn't up for being rational. She felt betrayed and she simply did not feel like calming down and she'd be damned if she let James Potter take away her right to be irrational.

Rationality was overrated.

For, you see, in cases such as this one, being irrational could be a good thing. It helped her keep her priorities straight. _Something a few people have trouble with,_ Lily thought bitterly to herself.

She really, really should have known.

Such was the case, Lily retreated to the common room (or attempted to, at any rate... but more on that later) in order to enjoy her free period (which would not have existed had Sirius Black not gotten into whatever mess it was that he _had_ got himself into). See? Irrationality could work to one's advantage.

So it was a good thing, really. It was a good thing that Sirius Black seemed to attract trouble and it was a good thing that Sirius had chosen to get into said trouble that particular September 2nd, because otherwise she would not have missed Transfiguration and then proceeded to visit the Infirmary, where she had found none other than Severus Snape, after Potter had _apologised for upsetting her_.

Had Sirius Black not gotten into trouble, Lily Evans would have remained blissfully oblivious to the fact that James Potter was a lying git.

Fortunately, the _lying git_ was probably off to Arithmancy with Elizabeth and David, so she could enjoy the quiet for a little while. Her friends, of course, had made other plans.

"It's such a nice day, isn't it?" chirped Mary Macdonald. "The sun is shining, it's still warm outside… they write songs about days like these, you know."

"Mary, honey, it's way too early for this." They were outside, sitting under the beech tree. It _was_ a nice day, Lily agreed. The air was crisp and the grounds smelled fresh – it was the perfect day for murdering James Potter. Lily doubted anyone would miss him. She'd start with that hair, plucking each strand one by one. Then, she'd snap his neck, slowly, so she could listen to his bones cracking…

"Are you all right, Lily?" Marlene Mckinnon asked her, sporting the same odd, concerned look as her best friend, Mary. "You seem… distracted."

"I'm just tired, don't worry about it." She assured her friends and secretly hoped they'd just drop the subject.

"Have you been to the Hospital Wing? Maybe Madam Pomfrey could give you something?"

"I've been there. Thanks." Noticing the change of tone in Lily's voice, Marlene finally caught on and decided to change the subject.

"Well, thanks for putting up with me last night. Both of you." Marlene brushed a stray lock of her blonde hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"It was no problem, Mar! That's what friends are for, right?" Mary gave her best friend a broad smile.

"Men are rubbish anyway."

"Not all of them, Lily. You just have incredibly bad taste," said Mary, throwing the other two into fits of hysterics.

* * *

(The Aftermath)

It was almost lunchtime when Sirius finally left the Gryffindor Head of House's office. While it felt good to get everything off his chest, Sirius had never been one to particularly enjoy showing his weaknesses, and talking about his brother almost always brought his out.

He enjoyed the lonely walk to his dormitory, where he would certainly find his friends, who would undoubtedly have pressing questions to ask him. He opened the wooden door, carefully and silently, only to find an empty room (or nearly empty, anyway). The atmosphere of the room was quiet enough, and Sirius' best mate, James Potter, sat static in his four-poster. Sirius cleared his throat, thus snapping James out of his reverie.

"Sirius. What happened?"

"It's nothing." He didn't feel like talking anymore.

"I'm trying really hard not to jump to conclusions here-"

"Don't worry about it. I spoke to McGonagall, it's fine." Sirius assauged his best friend's doubts. They stood in silence for a couple of seconds, but eventually James decided to give Sirius some time; not indefinitely, of course, but pushing and prodding would do more harm than good.

"You'll tell us if you need anything?"

"Yeah." And after a while, he added, "Thanks, Prongs."

"Well, I'm starved. Lunch?"

"Yes, please."

* * *

A couple of hours passed by, during which nothing of much importance occured; Lily and her friends went to lunch, despite the former's lack of appetite and, after that, she headed off to her Ancient Runes class. The teacher assigned the students a reasonable amount of homework for a N.E.W.T. level class, although Lily would have much preferred if he had refrained from doing so, as it was only the second day back.

It was just after supper, and so far, Lily had done a pretty good job at hiding - she preferred the term 'selective placement' – in the library. After being deserted by her two closest friends (Mary, who had Muggle Studies with Sirius and Peter, and Marlene, who had tutoring), the probability of running into the remaining half of the Marauders was simply too high to ignore. She wasn't _hiding,_ though. Lily just wanted to get her Runes homework done. Thus, her selective placement.

When the novelty of translating paragraphs on end passed, Lily finally retreated to the Gryffindor common room. She opened her novel and curled up in a particularly comfortable armchair, starting to read.

"Evans."

"Go away, Potter!" she snapped at him. "And don't sit-" he plopped himself down onto the armrest, "- down."

"Are you feeling better?" Potter inquired, his voice concerned.

"I was until you got here." Lily did not bother looking up from the yellowing pages of her book.

"What's got your wand in a knot?"

Lily closed the book and placed it on a nearby coffee table, throwing him a pointed look.

"Severus Snape was in the Hospital Wing," she started, attempting, although in vain, to moderate her tone. "Care to explain?"

"It wouldn't have anything to do with that grease stain he calls his hair, would it?" Oh, how she'd love to wipe that smirk off his face! He was absolutely ridiculous.

"You promised! Why did you have to-"

"I didn't do _anything_!"

"Oh quit lying, Potter!" She stood up. Perhaps a few hours on from that moment, she'd regret her behaviour, but for the time being, she simply didn't care. "You and I both know you can never waste an opportunity to mess with him!"

"What are you talking about? We never actualy _hurt_ him-"

"I didn't know getting hung upside down by the ankles was your definition of fun." That seemed to quiet him down, and for a moment, Lily did not know whether she'd rather he stayed that way or said something.

"Is that honestly what you think of me?" Potter pressed, his tone growing colder with each word. "That I'm just a–bullying toerag, was it?"

Lily looked as though she had been slapped. "I- I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. If you pulled your head out of your self righteous arse every one in a while, you'd see that some of us have actually grown up. Enjoy your book." At once, Potter stormed out of the room. Lily then decided that she would have much preferred if he had stayed silent.

* * *

For the rest of the week, their relationship remained a wreck as James was too proud and Lily too stubborn to make amends. After a couple of days though, the complaining on James' part had gotten too bothersome to bear, and Sirius finally decided to take matters into his own hands. He decided to come clean to Lily, who listened intently as he told her about his misadventures. She asked him where she could find James, and Sirius happily obliged, directing her to the Owlery. It was a foul spot, way too noisy and malodorous, but its privacy usually brought James some peace.

* * *

It was Sunday, and James was drunk. Not drunk enough to slur his words, but drunk enough to lose his filter. He did not care about the overwhelming hangover he'd have to endure the next day. All he cared was about the paper, which had arrived that morning, bearing the news of yet another attack. This time, it had been a Muggle village, and no survivers had been found. He felt useless, impotent, and it was hardly a pleasent sensation. He wanted to do something, but instead he felt confined in the castle. Never had activities like Charms lessons seemed so frivolous to him when, outside Hogwarts, people were dying every day.

He saw Lily Evans approaching his spot on the map, but he did not have it in him to avoid her anymore. Quicker than he'd expected, she finally appeared next to him.

"I'm sorry I attacked you." Her voice was so soft and she was so quiet that James very nearly forgave her then and there. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"No, you bloody shouldn't have." His temper was flaring up, and he had no idea why.

"At any rate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"That's just it, isn't it, Evans? You did mean it." So now he was picking a fight with her? He could have just forgiven her; she looked apologetic enough.

"Why didn't you tell me Sirius did it?"

"It wouldn't have changed anything. At the end of the day, that's still the opinion you have of me, isn't it?"

"No!"

"It is! Of course you assumed it was me who put Snape in the infirmary! Merlin, you should have seen your face. You looked so bloody _relieved_ to have an excuse to get pissed off at me. I'm not falling for it again, Evans, I'm not-"

"Well, I wasn't! I'm not the same girl I was last year!"

"And I'm not the same guy I was last year either!"

"I know that. Do you think I'd even be here if I didn't?"

"I can't jump through every single hoop you throw my way. Neither of us deserve that."

"I don't want you to!"

"Don't you? Admit it, Evans. The moment something happens, you just go back to pointing your finger at me. You don't really want to be friends - you just pretend you do so you can keep me on a tight enough leash. And I won't let you." He clenched his jaw and his fist, so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"That's not what this is at all!" And then, Lily added in a much more quiet voice. "If we manage to argue so viciously over something like this, perhaps we shouldn't try to be friends at all."

"Yeah, maybe we shouldn't. Honestly, you're the one who wanted this, Evans. I couldn't care less." With that, he slipped past her out of the doorway. Lily Evans was going to be the death of him.

* * *

(The Beginning)

"Sirius!" He turned around.

"Regulus. What do you want?"

"I just want to talk to you."

"What is there to talk about?"

Regulus didn't exactly know how to put it, so he said it as simply as he knew how. "Come home."

"Never. I don't ever want to go back to that blasted house. And even if I wanted to, we both know I couldn't."

There was silence; then Regulus Black suddenly asked him, just a mere whisper, if he was happier now.

"What's it to you?" Sirius turned around, every bone in his body aching to leave. "I'm not doing this. I'm not talking to you."

"We're supposed to be family." Sirius wheeled around to face his younger brother.

"Are we?" His voice was ice cold and Merlin, if looks could kill, Regulus would be dead three times over.

"Of course we are. How can you say that?"

"How can I _say that_? Save for a few decent relatives, our family is made up of prejudiced cowards, who are now all rushing off to join Voldemort! All they do is torture and murder people, about something as stupid and frivolous as their _blood status_. People are just people, Reg. Lily Evans, Mary Macdonald, Remus Lupin... they're all better people than any of you will ever hope to be."

"I didn't say anything."

"Oh, I know you didn't. But why do you think I left? You're a coward, you can't even stand up to Mother-"

"You broke her heart!" Regulus raised his voice.

"She doesn't have a heart to break!" roared Sirius.

"You left, Sirius. You didn't even bother to say goodbye... you just left."

"I didn't know you wanted me to."

"I didn't. I don't."And then, Regulus' voice cracked. "But you're my brother, and you're going to get yourself killed."

With a sad sort of smile on his face, and with a look in his eyes that screamed disappointment, Sirius finally broke the silence. "I'm not your brother, Regulus."

"What's going on here?"said Severus Snape. Of bloody course.

"Nothing at all," Regulus replied easily. Sirius couldn't help but notice the way Regulus' voice chad hanged, how it suddenly became clipped and significantly colder. "There was just something that needed to be discussed."

"Begging to go back home, Black? How does it feel to be an insignificant piece of-"

"I realise it's quite difficult for you, _Snivellus_ , but I'd advise that, for once, you keep that abnormally large nose of yours out of other people's business."

"Sirius…"

"Shut up, Regulus," Sirius scolded him. "This is between me and Snape. Get out of here."

At last, they raised their wands, and then all hell broke loose. Hexes and jinxes, and perhaps even some more dangerous curses - Sirius was both too exhausted and energized to try to discern - were thrown about, carelessly, but purposefully directed towards their opponent. None of them thought of the possible collateral damage that they could inflict on the corridor's walls. When Sirius finally managed to freeze Snape on the ground and attempted to flee the scene, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching, and by then it was too late.

"Not as brave when it's one on one, are you Black?" Severus said from his spot on the floor.

"What is going on here?" Professor McGonagall's ankle boots clicked against the stone cold floor as she moved towards him and she did not look pleased in the slightest. "Black, back to class _now._ " It would have been, as we settled before, exceptionally foolish of Sirius to do otherwise.

Professor McGonagall was born to be a teacher, no doubt. But at the moment, she wished that she was not. (Almost.)

* * *

 **A/N:** Please don't forget to let me know what you thought of it! Shoutout to anonymous reviewers Clary Fray, Tarryn Leigh and Guest to whom I couldn't respond privately! Thank you so much for your support! x


	5. Eyes Innocent

**A/N:** Let me be honest with you guys. Writing this chapter in particular was a huge struggle. At one point, I even felt like giving up on this project. Thank God for my amazing friends who helped me push through this, and special shoutout to Kristina for all the help and time she spent hearing me bitch about it.

 **Disclaimer: I definitely don't own the world, characters or relationships. That is all JKR, my friends.**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

Or

Eyes Innocent

* * *

(Insomnia)

She was sitting at the windowsill, staring at the full moon. It was already three in the morning, and yet sleep would not come. The third night in a row. Well, no, that wasn't true. Lily had managed to doze off for a couple of hours the previous night. She supposed that still counted despite the fact that she had woken up feeling even more tired than she had before falling asleep.

She had Defense class in the morning. (It was a Wednesday.) In about four hours, Lily would get up, and begin her morning regímen. She'd hop in the shower (Lily always took morning showers, instead of late night ones), brush her teeth, comb her hair. She would not worry about her outfit, one of the many advantages of wearing a uniform. At about eight o'clock, she and her friends would head down for breakfast, and one hour later, her day would officially begin. Her routine was simple, uncomplicated. Dependable.

The unopened letter danced between Lily's fingertips. She decided to stash it away for later.

A couple more hours passed her by, hours during which Lily did not move. She watched the sun rise, and when the time came, finally got up from the windowsill.

* * *

(Twenty-something hours later)

Mary Macdonald was crying. She wasn't sobbing, she wasn't weeping; her tears were silent as they rolled down her cheeks, her lip quivering. There was no shoulder-shaking, no loud burst of tears. As she leaned against the soft back of a well placed armchair, there was no shoulder-shaking, no quick build-up of tears. She made no noise, she didn't move. Her lip quivered slightly, but that was it

It was late, the common room was empty. Mary Macdonald was crying, and it was Peter who found her.

"Mary?"

"Oh. Hi, Peter."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said quickly, too quickly, "I'm quite alright, thank you for asking."

Before he could say anything else, Mary got up and climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitory. She splashed her face with some cold water and got into bed, missing the way Lily and Marlene glanced gingerly at each other, but noticing the weight on the end of the mattress as her two best friends sat with her and wiped away her tears. It wasn't like her to act this sensitive; she hoped she'd feel better in the morning, and with a little help from her friends, she would.

* * *

"I think Mary Macdonald was crying in the common room," Peter announced to his friends, as he too returned to his shared dormitory.

"How come?"

"Dunno. She left before I could say much." The boys were silent for a while, until Peter asked, "You don't think it had anything to do with-"

"'Course not. We didn't do anything to her."

"But are you sure?"

"Yes, we're sure. Go to sleep, Wormtail."

* * *

(That morning)

"Talkalot's hosting tryouts today, you know," Sirius told his best mate, who was looking at the Slytherin table with a rather hostile expression.

"Think we can bribe a few third years into spying on them for us?"

"Oh, definitely." Sirius smirked.

"Why is Talkalot hosting tryouts?" asked Marlene in a derisive tone, to which James responded easily.

"Well, Vanity's finished school, so Talkalot's been appointed as team captain."

"Oh, I hate her." Marlene sighed, taking a bite of her scrambled eggs.

"Who?" asked Mary Macdonald, who had just arrived at the Gryffindor table.

"Talkalot. I loathe her."

"Oh, that's lovely, dear." Mary quipped. "But why?"

"She's a Slytherin." Sirius Black answered. "Isn't that reason enough?"

"Surely, not all Slytherins can be that bad." With a trace of bitterness in his voice, Sirius assured her that they most certainly could.

"You know," Marlene continued, as though her friends were still listening, which they were not, "I bet she isn't even a natural blonde."

Lily arrived shortly after, but upon noticing the table's occupants, she declared that she wasn't hungry after all and swiftly left.

Sirius furrowed his brow. "What is up with Evans?

"Hell if we know. Poor girl hasn't slept in days," lamented Mary. James cleared his throat.

"I'm going to go and talk to her," he blurted out.

"I doubt she wants to see you." This, James ignored. At once, he lept to his feet and left the Great Hall.

* * *

"I can't talk to you right now," stated Lily, not bothering to look up as he approached.

"I figured as much." James acknowledged, mindlessly folding his hands behind his back.

"Then, would you please do me the favour of leaving?" Carefully adjusting her book bag, Lily pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes.

"I couldn't very well do what you wanted me to, you know that. It might set a bad precedent." Weren't they supposed to be quarrelling?

"Naturally," Lily responded dryly.

 _I'll apologize if you do._ It was on the tip of his tongue, really. He would have said it too, were it not for his train of thought inevitably being interrupted.

"I've got to get to class." There it was. The overwhelming confirmation that yes, they were quarrelling.

He tried to speak to her again, after the lesson, at which point she claimed to be late for Ancient Runes. James wouldn't know. He had a free period.

* * *

The first time Lily fell asleep, Minerva McGonagall took pity on her and pretended not to notice. Her friend and housemate, Mary Macdonald, gently woke her up and so the Transfiguration professor found no need to interrupt her teaching. The second time, however…

"Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall called. Lily did not budge.

"Miss Evans," she repeated, her patience growing thinner and thinner each second.

"Lily!" Mary shoved her friend, who finally opened her eyes and apologised to the professor with flushed cheeks, still stifling a yawn.

"Miss Evans," the teacher pressed her lips into a nearly invisible line, although the trained eye could detect some sort of warmth in the old woman's expression, "I wonder how you intend to maintain your grades in my class if you keep falling asleep. You see, I do not generally permit students to nap during my lectures."

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again."

"That's quite alright. But I'm afraid I will have to assign you a detention this Saturday."

"Fair enough, Professor."

"Good… Let's not waste any more time, shall we? Please turn to page fifty-three of your textbooks. According to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration…"

* * *

After class ended, the girls made for the grounds. It wasn't yet October and, luckily, it wasn't raining.

They walked by the Great Lake and, as they passed the beech tree, Lily stopped. Mary and Marlene didn't notice and, after a second of absent-minded daydreaming, she shook her head and quickened her pace to catch up with her friends.

"Mary!" A voice called after them. "Mary!"

She turned around, only to find her boyfriend grinning at her. Mary smiled.

"Hello, love."

Bertram acknowledged Lily and Marlene's presence with a quick nod. The two of them exchanged looks, but this went unnoticed by Mary or Bertram, who placed his arm around her shoulders and swiftly pulled her aside.

"What's all of this about?" she asked, looking up at her boyfriend through her eyelashes. He really was handsome, all curly hair and green eyes, with a mole on the left side of his neck. Mary wanted to kiss him there, and so she did.

Bertram laughed and, running his knuckle down his girlfriend's cheek, he asked, "You'll have lunch with me today, won't you, Mary?"

"Actually, dear," Mary admitted, "I was hoping to eat with my friends today. Is that okay?"

Bertram was still smiling, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He shrugged his shoulders. "Sure. I mean, if that's what you really want…"

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"Quite. Go and have fun with your friends."

However, Bertram didn't appear very satisfied and so she conceded. "All right, let's make a deal. You'll have lunch with your housemates and I with mine, and then I'll eat supper with you at the Ravenclaw table, yeah?"

"Good. I'll see you later, love." He grinned, kissed Mary's cheek, and then walked back towards the castle.

"What was that all about?" Marlene inquired. Lily nodded in agreement.

"Oh, Bertram just wanted to have lunch with me," Lily gave Mary a sort of half-smile, but Marlene appeared thoughtful, "but I told him I'd eat with you girls today."

"He didn't seem terribly happy about that," commented Marlene.

"Well… I might have promised him we'd eat dinner together in compensation."

"Oh, Mary…"

"Mary what?" she snapped.

"Nothing," Lily quickly replied. It was obvious that Mary wasn't up for having that particular argument, at least not for the time being. "He's your boyfriend."

She expertly changed the subject and, after an hour or so, when Mary excused herself to go to the toilet, Marlene took her chance to confess, in hushed tones, that she didn't understand why a girl like Mary would stay with a git like Audrey.

"I do. Sort of…" Marlene squinted in disbelief. "I mean, he's good looking, smart and popular. He might be Muggleborn, but he keeps quiet for the most part and he's a prefect, so he's got some authority. Don't you realise how that could be appealing to someone who was recently attacked?"

"So Mary is letting her boyfriend treat her like crap in exchange of protection?"

"Look, all I'm saying is that she got into a relationship when she was extremely vulnerable. Now she's grown attached to him."

"I know that. It's not healthy."

"No," Lily sighed and looked at the closed bathroom stall, "it's not. But you could try being a little more supportive, you know."

"So just because she's my friend I'm supposed to pat her on the back every time she throws herself into an unhealthy, needy relationship?"

"No! But do you honestly think she'll ever get out of one if she doesn't feel like she's got anyone else to go to?"

Then Mary arrived, a smile tugging at her lips, and so Lily and Marlene's argument was begrudgingly put on hold.

Lily already had her books for the day with her, but Mary and Marlene usually preferred to go up to the dorms after each class. Lily then bid her goodbyes to her friends, under the promise that she'd find them for lunch, but not before non-verbally advising Marlene against speaking with Mary about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

It was, however, a truth universally acknowledged that Marlene McKinnon never dropped the subjects she should have otherwise dropped.

* * *

Taking advantage of her newfound solitude, Lily roamed the corridors and, after settling inside an unused classroom, she fished the letter from before out of her book bag and began to read.

 _Lily_ , it read,

 _Next time use the regular post (that is, if you even have to send letters at all). Vernon doesn't know I have a freak for a sister, and I'd prefer to keep it that way._

 _Petunia._

She crumpled the paper between her fists. Long gone were the days where Lily would let her sister affect her. Hogwarts had forced her to grow a thick skin. Someone entering the room, however, snapped Lily out of her reverie. Of course.

"There's a leaf in your hair." He said it so suddenly, so out of the blue, that Lily forgot momentarily things were supposed to be weird between the pair of them.

"Oh?" She awkwardly patted her head. James found it a rather amusing sight, and so he refrained from plucking the leaf out himself. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

"Vector let us out early. How did you get leaves in your hair?"

"One leaf."

"Right." Lily nodded appreciatively, but offered no further clarification. "Well? How did you?"

"I hardly see how that is any of your business."

"Nice." James crossed his arms.

"That was unnecessarily rude of me. Sorry."

James quickly dismissed Lily's apology with a wave of his hand, which then jumped to his hair. "What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Potter, I'm not going to discuss this with you."

Yet, of course, she ended up telling him. They were supposed to be at odds, alright, but Lily was frustrated and well… she'd been given someone to vent to, to ramble at, and she wasn't about to toss that opportunity away.

"Oh, I know Mary likes the tosser and I'm sure he likes her too. I mean, how could he not? Mary is _really_ pretty and popular and sweet, even though her cat's a menace to just about everybody else, and I'm going off on a tangent here but the point is he's a git…

"And I'm tired because Mary is oblivious, Marlene is stubborn, Sev is a tosspot and my sister is a prig. I'm quarrelling with just about everyone in my life and, on top of that, now I have detention on Saturday."

Even though his eyes betrayed concern, James' face split into a grin, causing Lily's cheeks to flush with embarrassment. She was always making a fool of herself in front of him, wasn't she?

Looking down, she added, "And now that I've made a proper arse of myself, I'll leave you to laugh in peace."

Then, she turned her back on him and, filled with discomfort, Lily left the room. Again. She was always running away from him these days. James didn't care. He didn't care at all.

* * *

(Horrible Judgment)

"You know, I've been itching to do something," said Sirius, as the Marauders strutted towards the Great Hall. It was suppertime.

"Mate, we don't need or want to hear about your new rash," James responded.

"Oh shut up, Prongs… Come on, we haven't pulled anything in _ages_ ," complained Sirius.

"We just spiked McGonagall's drink with Alihotsy Draught last week," Remus put in. "Prongs still has that detention to suffer through, and it's only the first month back."

"Exactly! That was last week. Let's flood the Slytherin dorms or charm Filch's hair purple."

"Do you really want a permanent mental picture of the school's caretaker with lavender tresses?" Upon seeing the disgusted - and perhaps, a bit horrified - look on Sirius' face, James continued, "I didn't think so."

"I don't see you coming up with anything," Sirius chastised James.

"You know," announced James, who stopped in his tracks at once. His mind wandered off to a distressed girl with dark red hair and bright green eyes. With a smirk dancing on his lips, he added, "I think I just had the perfect idea."

* * *

Mary, who had been waiting at the Ravenclaw table for over thirty minutes now, looked around, desperately trying to locate her boyfriend. However, Bertram was nowhere to be seen and so, with a shrug of her shoulders, she got up from the wooden bench and made her way to the Gryffindor table, in the hope that she could at least find her friends.

Giving the table a quick once-over, Mary spotted a head of dark red hair. Smiling, she walked over, only just overhearing Lily's words.

"They inflated Aubrey's head?" Lily's expression twitched as though she was going to smile. "That's awful." She looked over to the Marauders, who were sitting at the other end of the table. The four boys appeared to be in deep conversation when suddenly, Potter looked up, meeting her eyes. He grinned, and his hand shot up to his ever-messy mop of jet black hair.

"What's awful?" Mary asked, entering the conversation. Lily coughed.

"The Marauders inflated Bertram's head to twice its size," Marlene explained. At first, Mary chuckled. Then, as though she had remembered something terrible, she paled.

"I've got to go."

Somewhere down the table, next to a couple fifth years, were Elizabeth and Susan, the two remaining witches of the Gryffindor sixth year class.

"Just ask him!"

"I could never." Susan smiled and looked over to the boy in question. He was with his friends, and they were laughing at something or the other. She sighed and looked back to her friend. "James Potter is going to be the death of me."

* * *

"Bertram!" Mary called. Bertram, who walked with angry strides towards the Ravenclaw Tower, slowed down for a moment, but then he continued, pretending not to hear.

"Bertram!" she called again. "Bertram Audrey! You listen to me right now!" Stunned by Mary's tone of voice, (she never spoke to him like that,) Bertram finally turned around.

"Were you ignoring me?" she asked, looking down at her feet.

"Of course not." Bertram smiled sweetly at her. Mary wrapped her arms around Bertram's neck.

"Why are you never with me when Lily or Marlene are around?" Bertram's face fell.

With a honeyed voice, he explained, "I don't think your friends like me that much, Mary."

"Oh, I'm sure they do. They just haven't spent enough time with you."

"What about those Marauders? Do you know what they did to me today?" Mary tried unsuccessfully to stifle her laughter.

"Oh, I heard about it. But it's not a big deal. They're always doing stuff like th-"

"And so you think that's okay? To treat people like that?" Bertram folded his arms across his chest.

"That's not what I said!"

"God, Mary, you've been so touchy today."

"I haven't. Have I?"

"I mean, we're already in different houses and yet it's like you don't care about putting a wedge between us. It kind of hurts my feelings, you know?"

"I'm sorry," Mary apologized. "I'll make it up to you, okay?" Bertram's spirits lifted.

"Okay. I'm going to my common room. We'll take a walk tomorrow, yeah?" He beamed at her. With a small peck on the lips, the couple parted ways, and Mary had to hide her tear-rimmed eyes until she got to the safety of Gryffindor Tower.

* * *

The following day, Lily searched all over the castle for one James Potter, but he was seemingly missing. Sure, she only had two classes with him that day (Defence and Charms), but something in her gut told her the little git was hiding from her.

It was five minutes until curfew when she finally found him outside the Fat Lady's portrait.

"Hello, Potter."

"Evans!" His left hand jumped to touch his hair. Anxiously glancing over her head, James exclaimed, "Lovely running into you! I actually have somewhere to go so if you don't mind -"

"You are not going anywhere, it's nearly curfew," interjected Lily, clicking her tongue.

"Right." Potter's shoulders slumped.

"That was quite a stunt you pulled with Bertram Audrey, you know."

"Ah, but it made you laugh."

"You can't just hex people left and right for the sake of it," Lily muttered.

"It was just a harmless prank!"

"It wasn't harmless. Because Audrey got pissed and he took it out on Mary, who for all her faults is an actual angel who accepted the blame and I was the one who didn't sleep a wink last night because I was too busy comforting my sobbing mess of a friend, not that I have been sleeping at all in the first place!"

Then, seemingly satisfied at having gotten that out of her system, Lily appeared to have calmed down. "Look, I'm not angry at you. I meant it when I said I wanted to be friends. But you need to realise your actions have consequences, even if they don't affect you directly."

Seeming dejected, James apologised in a soft voice.

"That's okay," Lily conceded. "Just do me a favour, yeah? The next time you prank Audrey, for the love of Agrippa, make sure you don't get caught," Lily finished with a wink. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Evans." She told the Fat Lady the password for that week ( _bona fide_ ), and climbed through the portrait hole.

* * *

It was dark outside, exceptionally so. Thunder rumbled in the sky. It was raining, and Lily really ought to go back inside, but for some reason her feet felt glued to the ground. She was alone, cold, and soaked to the bones. The wind blustered through the air, bringing her red hair to her eyes. Her head hurt, and Lily could feel blood trickling down her forehead.

She heard a noise, and so her head spun quickly, trying to find its source. She considered her options. Looking around, Lily recognized the faint outline of the castle. Numerous bodies lay on the ground; Mary's, Marlene's… Susan and Elizabeth's… The Marauders were there too… Everyone was gone. A flash of green just barely missed her, and she darted into the forest. Lily ran like she never had before, as though her life depended on it, which wasn't far from her reality.

Running in zigzags, she easily managed to avoid the curses. However, she was a tiny girl and whoever was running after her quickly caught up with her. The person was wearing long, black robes and a silver mask; she couldn't recognize them. They grabbed her wrist, and pushed her to the floor. She heard something crack, and pain shot up through her back. Her vision going spotty, she could barely make out the figure raising their wand and –

Lily woke with a start. She liked it better when she couldn't sleep.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for the feedback! What did you think of this chapter/the characters? Let me know! x


	6. Flowers From the Mountains

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Thank you so much for every review and comment, it fuels me. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer: No, I'm not JKR. I don't own anything.**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

Or

Flowers From the Mountains

* * *

(Monday the eleventh, the Quidditch pitch)

By the time the second week of October rolled around, the weather was significantly cooler and much, much wetter.

Predictably, however, never had something as trivial as a drop of temperature stopped James Potter from holding Quidditch practices at ungodly hours of the morning.

The way he saw it, it was completely, one-hundred percent justified. The first game of the season was fast approaching, and the Slytherin team had some very talented players; hence, the daily practices. Sometimes, much to the team's chagrin, James would even schedule two practices on the same day but there was, after all, a reason the Gryffindor Quidditch team was considered to be, by the majority of the student body, the best.

Nevertheless, ever since Sirius had been banned from playing Quidditch for setting Remus' furry little problem on Snape, James couldn't help worrying whether the loss would cost Gryffindor the cup. After all, he had expected to have Sirius on the team until they both finished school, and so he hadn't trained the second-string Chasers as much as he probably should have. That was not a mistake he was planning on repeating this year, even if it meant facing heavy downpours of rain.

Snapping out of his thoughts, James ordered the team to run the Porskoff Ploy one more time, and then he wrapped up practice.

* * *

(Thursday the fourteenth, the Great Hall)

"Still hung up on the Mudblood, Severus?" Mulciber asked, Daily Prophet in hand.

"Not at all," he replied with a cold voice and an even expression.

He looked over at the Gryffindor table. Black eyes sought out red hair; she was sitting next to the Marauders – her _friends_. They were her friends now. And that included James bloody fucking Potter. Ever since that detention she'd had with him, the two of them were always laughing at something or other.

She'd always had a soft spot for them, those _Marauders_ , but now that she'd gotten rid of him it was almost like she felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she was free to spend her time with whoever she liked, childhood loyalties be damned.

Severus didn't even notice the way the grip on his fork tightened, so much that his knuckles turned white, the piece of toast on his plate long forgotten.

"She doesn't need you and you certainly don't need _her._ There are more important things than know-it-all Mudbloods. Surely you realise that, don't you, Severus?" He nodded, partly because he agreed, partly because, even if he didn't, he couldn't let it show. There was too much at stake now.

"Of course."

No, Lily didn't need him. But she would.

* * *

(Wednesday the twentieth, Potions)

Lily was positively exhausted. After such a challenging Defense Against the Dark Arts class - they were studying Inferi - and a surprise quiz in Ancient Runes, all Lily wanted was to crawl back into bed. Alas, as it was a Wednesday and not a Thursday, her last class of the day would be Potions with the Slytherins.

"Today," Professor Slughorn began, "we will begin to work on Shrinking Solution.

"A more subtle potion than many initially appreciate, the Shrinking Solution causes creatures that come into contact with it to shrink to a younger form. But of course," he chuckled to himself, "if you wrote the essay that I requested last week, you already know that. Today I shall be assigning you partners."

The class consisted of eight students, four Gryffindors and four Slytherins. Lily couldn't help but worry. While most of the Gryffindors in her year had achieved high enough marks on their O. to be accepted by Slughorn this year, aside from her, only three had actually decided to pursue the class onto N.E.W.T. level. All in all, it was far more likely that she would end up being paired up with a Slytherin rather than with one of her friends. Knowing her Professor, she could easily guess who she would wind up with.

Professor Slughorn started reading names off a piece of parchment. _Evan Rosier_ was paired with _Samuel Avery_ , _James Potter_ with _Mary Macdonald_. Much to _Marlene Mckinnon'_ s dismay, she got _Lucinda Talkalot_ , and, of course, _Lily Evans_ got stuck with _Severus Snape_.

"Severus," Lily said in an even tone, carefully trying not to show any emotion.

"Lily," Severus replied in a cool voice, not bothering to look up from his book. "I don't really care what you prefer, but I'm not using the recipe in our book."

"Do you have another one?" She raised one of her eyebrows.

"As a matter-of-fact, I do."

"And you've tested it?"

"Obviously." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Then it's settled."

"I'm surprised you're accepting this so well," said Snape with a sneer.

"As opposed to what?"

"Throwing a fit." Lily decided to ignore the jab.

"As much as I dislike your friends and the choices you've made, you do know your potions. I'm not putting my grade at risk for personal motives."

To that, Severus didn't reply, and the two of them put themselves to work. Caterpillars were sliced, Shrivelfig was peeled and daisy roots were minced. The heat was carefully controlled and the colour of the concoction painstakingly analysed. The potion was left to simmer, and Severus turned his attention back to his book. Lily took the opportunity to look around, glancing at the table behind her, and what she saw made her smile.

* * *

When Marlene arrived at the table – right next to Lily and Snape's – Lucinda was already juicing the Shrivelfigs, light blond hair shielding her face. That was quite all right with Marlene; the sooner they were done, the less time they'd have to spend together. However, even though Marlene greatly disliked Lucinda, seeing as they would have to work together for the next hour or so, she figured she might as well be polite – although she wouldn't go as far as being friendly. After all, she wasn't _Lily_.

"Hello." She was met with silence. Marlene frowned, and decided to focus on the task at hand, which consisted of chopping up four daisy roots.

Eventually, she lifted her head from the cauldron and looked around – her classmates seemed to be doing well enough but Marlene had never been extraordinary at potions. She didn't even like the class; the only reason she had chosen to take it was because most courses required a N.E.W.T. in potions and Marlene wasn't sure what she wanted to do yet.

She found herself zoning out, lost in thought, so when Lily touched her shoulder, she started, accidentally dropping the rat spleen she had been holding into the cauldron. Some of the potion splashed onto Marlene. First, she looked down at her forearm; her skin looked like it would melt right off, bubbling and red, smelling faintly of smoke.

Then, she screamed.

Marlene barely registered what happened after that. She didn't notice the way Rosier and Avery cackled, as though they had been expecting it, or the way Snape ignored the whole situation, as though he was above everyone in the room – the usual. She didn't see her friends rushing to her aid. Most importantly, however, she missed the way that her Potions partner had immediately looked over, eyes wide, biting her lip hard.

Upon Professor Slughorn's instructions, the two of them rushed to the hospital wing, Marlene eerily silent, and Lucinda unusually flustered.

"You see," Lucinda muttered as she dragged Marlene behind her, "this is why I generally despise Gryffindors. You're just so loud and _careless_. Always throwing yourselves into these ridiculous situations."

Professor Slughorn had been right, of course. As soon as they arrived at the infirmary, Madam Pomfrey quickly cast a soothing spell and applied a salve to her burn. The skin began to mend itself and, in less than twenty minutes, they were back in the dungeons.

Eventually the class ended and, without knowing precisely why, despite her arm being bruised and bandaged, Marlene, feeling a bit light headed, left the classroom with a new spring in her step.

* * *

(Friday the twenty-second, Hogwarts)

Defence Against the Dark Arts was the only class Gryffindors didn't share with other houses, for the professor found a smaller class much more effective when it came to practical learning. As long as each student gave their best, she didn't appear to mind the longer hours.

That particular Friday, it was twelve past eight when Professor Hatheway had them divided into pairs. Due to the odd number of students, one of them would partner up with her.

"One partner will attempt to jinx the other without speaking," she began. "The other will attempt to repel the jinx in equal silence. Carry on. Potter, with me."

Predictably, Elizabeth partnered up with Susan. Mary and Marlene banded together, Sirius with Peter, and Lily with Remus. The group set themselves to work and, by the time she had next checked the clock, the entire double period had gone by.

Most of the class either had Care of Magical Creatures or Herbology next, and so they made their way to the grounds. Elizabeth, however, had Arithmancy.

"Lizzy?" James called. "You coming?"

The pair made their way to the Arithmancy classroom. Looking up at her classmate, Elizabeth remembered her older sister's words on Platform Nine and Three-quarters; this year, her goal would be to win the Gryffindor Quidditch captain.

They'd already been at Hogwarts for over a month and a half now; she could have already made a pass at him. Should have. After all, there had been plenty of opportunities. In fact, there was a Hogsmeade trip the following day. Even so, she couldn't bring herself to do it, despite the fact that it was _expected_ of her, that there was a standard she had to uphold.

It's not like she had feelings for him – and he _definitely_ didn't have feelings for her (or for anyone that wasn't Lily Evans) – and her sister knew it. However, there was no doubt the two of them would fit like two pieces in a puzzle. It would make sense; the king of the troublemakers and the queen of the social butterflies. Together, the two of them would rule Hogwarts.

"Lizzy, are you all right?" asked James, clearly confused. Elizabeth nodded her head, ebony hair flying everywhere.

"I am," she replied and, seeing the concerned look on James' face, she was reminded of the kindness her best friend had taken a fancy to. Elizabeth would never make the move. At the end of the day, her loyalty remained with Susan.

She decided to forget the issue for the time being (or attempt to, at any rate), and most importantly, to ignore the letters from home.

* * *

(Saturday the twenty-third, Hogsmeade)

Lily and Marlene walked through the streets of Hogsmeade. They'd already perused the shelves at Tomes and Scrolls and gotten some fudge from Honeydukes.

Despite the fact that it was extremely windy out and that the streets were still muddy from all the rain, the village was remarkably busy. It always was on the first trip of the year. By January, it would be much easier to navigate around because the novelty would have worn off for most of the younger students, and the older students would be way too busy with school work.

Marlene was about to enter Gladrags Wizardwear when something across the street caught Lily's eye.

"Oh look, it's Lucinda," she pointed out.

"Yeah," Marlene said, squinting. It was a particularly foggy day, and Marlene didn't have the best eyesight (though not nearly as terrible as James Potter's; she could still go on about her day without spectacles). All she could see was a Dervish and Banges sign, light hair and even fairer skin. "I guess it is."

"She's all by herself. Why don't you go talk to her?"

"Why would I? She's completely conceited," said Marlene, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Oh, yeah?" Lily asked, the corner of her lips turned up in a smile.

"I don't know. There's something about her that just _irks_ me."

"She seemed pretty worried about you when you hurt your arm." Wincing, Lily continued, "Sorry about that, by the way."

"Oh, don't worry about it. And all she wanted was to look good."

"You'd know better than I would." Lily had a smug look on her face, and Marlene felt her cheeks burn red.

"Besides," Marlene continued, "Mary's already off with her boyfriend. I don't want to leave you by yourself." Lily laughed.

"I think I can handle that, Marlene. Don't worry, I think I saw Remus going into The Three Broomsticks."

"If you're sure," said Marlene.

"I am," Lily confirmed, placing one hand on Marlene's shoulder. "Go." Smiling, she turned around and made her way to Madam Rosmerta's pub. Then, Marlene took a deep breath and a step forward.

As she got closer, Marlene started to discern a few more details. Lucinda was indeed leaning against the door of Dervish and Banges, eyes closed, a cigarette in her hand.

"That stuff will kill you, you know," said Marlene, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck.

Smirking, Lucinda replied, "Good."

She finally cracked her eyes open. Marlene couldn't tell which colour they were. Green or blue or something in the middle.

"So is this your thing?" Lucinda raised one eyebrow. _Damn it_. Marlene could never raise _only_ one. It was either all or nothing. "Smoking by yourself?" asked Marlene, as Lucinda took a long drag of the cigarette.

"Nothing wrong with being on your own," responded Lucinda defensively. "But I'll have you know, I usually do have company."

"Oh. Alright." Marlene blinked.

"Jorkins had a date." That would be Bertha Jorkins. Hufflepuff. Right.

"Alright."

"Is that your catchphrase or something?"

"No, it's not my bloody catchphrase," Marlene huffed.

Grinning, Lucinda replied, "Alright."

She saw Lucinda taking another drag of her cigarette. After a second or so, the Slytherin slapped her forehead. "Shit, I always forget to ask. Want a smoke?"

"No, thanks. Where did you even get those?" asked Marlene, nodding towards the pack.

"At home?" replied Lucinda, as though it was obvious.

"Aren't you Pureblood?"

"Gryffindors. Always jumping to conclusions." Lucinda chuckled, before adding, "My mum's Muggleborn."

"I didn't know that."

"No, you wouldn't."

* * *

The four of them were sitting at a booth in the Three Broomsticks; Sirius leaning against the wall as though he was some kind of model, Remus and James sipping on their Butterbeers, and Peter drinking something that looked like an unconventional mixture of cherry syrup and soda.

As she approached the table, Lily could finally start to make out voices.

"Spintwitches closed down, you know," she could hear Sirius say.

Looking down into his Butterbeer, James replied, "What? No! Now I'll have to go to Diagon Alley for broom polish? That's ridiculous."

"You could order by owl, you know," said Lily, sitting down between Sirius and Peter, facing Remus. James was somewhere in her peripheral vision.

Upon hearing her voice, his head shot up and his hand immediately jumped to ruffle his hair. Lily smiled.

"Ah, but where's the fun in that?" James asked with a glint in his eye. "Half the excitement is looking through the shelves and the corridors, comparing each model yourself and, of course, ogling the pretty cashier," he finished, wiggling his eyebrows in the process. Seemingly out of nowhere, Remus coughed, Sirius barking out a laugh.

"James Potter," Lily started, "you are a huge dork."

"Ah, yes, but you wouldn't like me if I wasn't," he finished smugly.

"But Potter," Lily leaned forward in her seat, a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips, "I don't like you."

"And yet here you are," James shot back.

"Only because the Giant Squid called in sick."

Peter and Remus clinked glasses. "Cheers."

* * *

"Well, gentlemen, it's been lovely sitting with such fine company, but I'm afraid I must leave."

"Aren't you coming back to the castle with us?" asked Peter.

"You lot go along. I have to find Marlene," explained Lily.

"We'll go with you," offered Sirius. James glared at his best mate.

"That's okay. She can't have wondered too far away. We'll catch up." Tightening her scarf, Lily got up from the booth and, weaving her way in between customers, she left the pub.

Eventually, the group decided to head back to the castle as well and, as they were leaving the Three Broomsticks, they passed Elizabeth Vane and Susan Adams, two fellow Gryffindors in their year.

Pleasantries were exchanged and, after Remus, James and Peter had started walking ahead, Sirius, who had lagged a bit behind, caught a snippet of their conversation:

"You're right, Lizzy," said Susan, linking arms with her friend. "I ought to get a move on, and soon."

"Do you think he could still be hung up on Lily?"

"Maybe he is," Susan said, smiling. "Maybe he isn't. What's life without a little risk?"

* * *

"Was Susan Adams giving me the eye or is that just me?" asked James.

"Mate, half the school has been giving you the eye," informed Sirius. "Not our fault you're so bloody oblivious."

"Are you going to do anything about it?" inquired Peter.

"Of course he is." Remus grinned. "After Lily and the squid make it official, that is."

Clapping James on the chest, his lips twisting into a smirk, Sirius interjected, "Oh, haven't you heard? Prongs here is getting over Evans."

Remus snorted. "Yeah fucking right."

"I resent that statement," said James, before continuing, "You lot are rubbish mates. Rubbish."

"If that helps you sleep at night, Prongs," conceded Remus.

Sirius, however, did not seem keen on letting the subject drop. "Say, Wormtail, what is it about the squid that just… _sucks_ the birds in?"

"Reckon it's the tentacles?"

"Right you are, m'boy Pete."

"You lot are ridiculous," James laughed, throwing his head back.

"Squidiculous," Sirius corrected, to which Remus replied, "That was terrible, Padfoot, even for you."

"My jokes are ex _squid_ site, thank you very much," said Sirius, feigning offense.

"Dunno why I put up with you," James said, trying not to laugh.

"Because I'm here and I'm pretty," replied Sirius, which made James snort.

"You're a right prat, that's what you are," he quipped.

Shrugging his shoulders, Sirius responded, "It's been known to happen."

For a couple of minutes, the group walked in silence, listening to the wind, when suddenly Sirius blurted out, "Squidditch game coming up, yeah?"

And the lot of them burst into laughter.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'd like to formally apologise for the ammount of terrible squid related puns. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought? **x**


	7. Slipping Into The Lava

**A/N:** Hello everyone! Long time no see, eh? Even though I know I don't, it feels like I own you guys an explanation. The truth his, this chapter is _large._ Maybe not by some standards, but it's nearly twice the size as my usual chapters, and so it was, admittedly, much harder getting through this. It was also back to school season, both for me and my beta, and so it's only natural this chapter took more time.

This is also both mine and my beta's final year of highschool, and so we're trying to get everything ready for university next year. I will still try to update at least once a month, but forgive me if I take one or two more weeks in doing so! Thank you so much for being so understanding 3

Nevertheless I'm very proud of this chapter and I hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer: I own 0 of these things.**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

Or

 _Slipping Into the Lava_

* * *

James Potter was in a mood. In a Quidditch mood, to be precise; already on Captain mode, even outside the pitch, ordering people about while simultaneously keeping a smile plastered on his face. Entirely too cheerful, cockier than usual, as though the victory was secure. No other team had practiced as much as Gryffindor, and James would know. After all, he was the reason the pitch was never available for practices.

It was match day.

At about eleven o'clock, the team marched to the changing rooms, clad in scarlet robes and protective armour. All that was left was the war painting.

"All right, boys," he began, gripping his broom. Dorcas coughed. "And girls. It's time.

"Meadowes, Hastings, I hope you had a big breakfast. Can't have you getting hungry in the middle of the match, can I? I mean, I'm good, but one brilliant chaser doesn't compensate for two distracted ones, yeah? Macmillan," he continued, "if I see you getting distracted by Black's pretty arse, I'll bench you and use a second-string player who could probably do your job better than you, so cool it. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Potter," the team chorused.

"We're going to go out there, and we're going to _trounce_ Slytherin. No unnecessary fouls, let's try to keep this clean, all right? And Boot?"

"Yes, Potter?"

"Catch me a snitch, will you?"

Brooms in hand, the seven of them walked out of the changing rooms, on to the pitch. Madam Hooch was refereeing. Although there were some dark clouds in the sky, it hadn't rained the night before. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't hot either and there was just the right amount of wind; Fresh and crisp, perfect quidditch weather.

The captains shook hands with the promise of a clean match, the snitch was released, and when Madam Hooch blew the whistle, the fourteen players shot up to the sky.

* * *

(The Victorious)

After nearly ninety minutes of quidditch, the Gryffindor seeker, also known as David Lee Boot – or Boot, for short, – caught a glimpse of the snitch, and swiftly put an end to the game, predictably enough, with a clear victory for Gryffindor. James Potter was a cocky bastard, for sure, but today of all days, Lily found it to be completely justifiable. On the pitch, there was no one quite like Potter, and today had definitely proven that. Lily had to give it to him, when he perched himself on top of the broomstick, even she sucked in her breath.

Due to Gryffindor's win, the common room had been turned into a full party venue, as it usually was post-victory. The celebrations had been going on for a good while now, and Lily soon found herself feeling smothered. Stopping only to inform her friends of the fact, Lily climbed her way out of the portrait hole and sat outside it, her back against the wall.

Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn't counting on James Potter to come after her.

"Leaving the party so soon?"

"Potter," she said, opening her eyes. "It's been going on for well over two hours, and it will undoubtedly last many more. I just want some fresh air."

"Fair enough." When he didn't turn around and go back to the party, choosing instead to lean against the wall, Lily stood up.

"Not going back?"

"It's like you said." He ran his fingers through his hair. "There's plenty of time."

"It was a great game. 370 to 180. Impressive."

James chuckled. "Thanks. Talkalot seemed distracted, though, don't you think?"

"Was she? To be honest, I didn't notice," she said, something like smugness creeping up her throat, slipping through her lips, painting her face. "Did you see the paper today?"

"Didn't really get a chance to, did I?"

"No, you were to busy bossing people around." Then, Lily carefully rearranged her features, and in a much deeper voice, she attempted to do some sort of James Potter impression, "Gudgeon! For the love of everything that is holy, keep off the beans, yes? No one wants another rendition of last year's final."

"Well, in my defense, it was a really terrible day for all parties involved."

"We won!"

"Yes, but we also got a glimpse of Gudgeon's intestines."

"Fair point," she conceded, chuckling to herself, her shoulders trembling just slightly. Teasing, she added, "I'm serious, Potter, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were going into war and not to a match."

"All's fair in love and Quidditch," he said, nonchalant, he said it with his hands in his pockets, left leg bent, back to the wall, staring right at the Fat Lady.

"Is that what you want to do? To play Quidditch?" Lily bit her lip. The corridor was pretty much deserted. The Gryffindors, most Hufflepuffs, and the odd Ravenclaw or two, were in the common room, enjoying the festivities. Most likely, the Slytherins would be in their common room, mourning the loss.

"Yes. I'm good enough to go professional, you know."

"Oh, I didn't say you weren't." It was nice. Far too nice. Lily had to get away.

"What do _you_ want to do?"

"Right now, I'd like to take a walk."

"Oh, come off it, Evans," James replied, but nonetheless matched her stride. "What do you want to do, you know, after Hogwarts?"

"Are you sure you want to come along?" Lily asked, unsuccessfully trying to mask the crack in her voice. "It won't do anything for your reputation to be seen hanging 'round a lowly Mud-"

"Don't say that word," James snapped, and Lily's mouth clamped shut.

Shrugging, she said, "the sentiment remains."

"So you heard about that, did you?" asked James, rubbing his neck. Lily nodded.

"Straight out of Grace's mouth, actually."

"They didn't have any right, kicking up a fuss in the middle of the pitch. Mulciber and the lot were just sore they lost, and Talkalot put an end to it immediately. They had _no right_ pulling you into the mess."

Hugging herself, Lily pondered in silence for a moment.

"I think I'd like to teach."

"At Hogwarts?"

"I'm not sure. Definitely not little kids, though-" Lily shook her head- "those can be right scary."

"Yeah," he laughed. "They can be."

"Potter."

"Yes?"

"Did you go to school?"

"Should I remind you of where we are having this conversation?"

"I meant, before coming to Hogwarts. I'm asking because Marlene said she went, but that not all purebloods do."

"Yes. And no."

"How come?"

"I didn't go to school, perse, but I _did_ have classes. My mum, she used to teach me. At home, I mean. It's not like I had to go out and meet _other_ kids."

"Oh, imagine _that_."

"You see, I don't exactly live in a wizard-heavy area. Not like Sirius anyway, who used to live smack dab in the middle of London. But the grounds were big, and my dad was always in his study, working on something or the other, and my mum would have a muggle friend over, sometimes, and she'd always bring her daughter, a poor little thing, really, and we'd have tea and biscuits…"

"Have you kept in touch?" Potter got really quiet, and Lily almost regretted asking.

"Not exactly. She died a little after I came to Hogwarts."

Lily halted, clamping her hands over her mouth.

"What happened?"

"She was ill. Dad tried his damned best to come up with a cure, but she was very weak, and it took something as tiny as a cold to wipe her out."

"I'm sorry."

James shook his head, making his already tousled hair even messier. "Nevermind that, Evans. And, for all it's worth, I think you'd make a great teacher."

Lily smiled at James.

"There's a new head in the DMLE, you know? It just came out in the Prophet this morning."

"Oh, they didn't pick that Bulstrode-douche, did they?"

"Nope," Lily said, popping her 'p'. "Bartemius Crouch."

"That's good. He's notoriously anti-Death Eater, you know. A far cry from the Minister."

"It's only Minchum's second year. He's far from competent, but not _wholly_ bad. We've definitely had worse."

"Didn't you read his interview for the Prophet? What does he think he's doing? Going around and saying stuff like that?"

"All he said is that while the tactics aren't the best, he can sort of understand their concerns. Sure, as the Minister he probably shouldn't say that sort of thing, and certainly not on-the-record, but I can see where he's coming from. Where most purebloods are coming from."

"Please, don't tell me you buy into that bullshit, Evans!"

Lily only shrugged.

"Look at me," he said, holding her shoulders in place, his face so close to hers she could feel his breath. "Did you get a letter when you were eleven?"

"Yes."

"Then you belong here just as much as everyone else! What else would you be doing at Hogwarts? What does your family think about this?"

"Mum doesn't know, and even if she did, I'm not sure she would understand. Witches aren't exactly welcome in the Muggle world, you know."

"Your sister?"

"Petunia doesn't either, and if she knew, she wouldn't care. She already thinks I'm a freak anyway." Lily could feel her eyes getting moist.

"Don't mind her, Evans. And _certainly,_ not _them._ You're better than the whole lot of them, Evans. Seriously, you are-" James was cut-off by a solid mass hitting his chest, nearly knocking him down. When he realised the mass was, in fact, Lily, James tentatively put his arms around her, only tightening his hold when she pulled his jumper between her firsts.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice muffled by his clothes.

They stood there for a few seconds, James holding Lily, and Lily letting herself be held. Soon, (too soon for James' taste), they disentangled themselves from each other, and James decided to give her some space. He'd go back to the party, let her calm down on her own for a while.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

"I'll leave you to it, then." James bowed his head and turned around.

"Wait," she beckoned to him. "I'll come with."

Together, they walked back to Gryffindor Tower, through he portrait hole, into the warmth of the common room.

The common room felt much, much hotter than the corridors, courtesy of the blazing fire and the plethora of people. It was the middle of Autumn, but inside it felt just like Cokeworth summers, where the air was hot, dense, humid.

In the corner of the room was a large, wooden table, and on top of it sat numerous snacks and beverages were scattered, including, of course, copious amounts of alcohol. It was only natural that despite it being just after three in the afternoon, it felt like so much later in the evening.

Edward Macmillan, one of the Beaters, had passed out, with his head on top of the table, and someone had taken to building a house of cards on his back. Lily suspected the Marauders.

At about a half past five p.m., Lily and the other prefects present had to leave for an impromptu meeting. Apparently, Elaine Greengrass wasn't too happy with the way the Quidditch match had turned out, and felt like spoiling the fun for other people. It was just as well, Lily had never much cared for the Head Girl.

* * *

(The Defeated)

While Lucinda was sure the Slytherin common room was warm and cosy, all she felt like was to wander around the castle, feeling the cold. Outside, it was raining, and never before had she felt as much like going out and getting drenched. After the Prefect meeting, she had decided to leave the castle and do just that, but as soon as she crossed the wall, she found her best friend, Bertha Jorkins, waiting for her outside.

"It's pouring, and you want to go out and feel the rain? Are you actually out of your mind? You'll get _so_ ill."

Instead, Bertha convinced her to just take a stroll around the castle, promising to stay away from Gryffindor Tower, of course, and the pair went on their way.

Eventually, they found themselves outside the library, which was not unusual in itself. Most days, the two of them could be found inside, either working on school work or, more often than not, catching up on the latest gossip. Bertha was, after all, just a sixteen year old witch, and she had _needs_ goddamnit. Lucinda didn't mind. Even if gossiping wasn't her favourite pastime, Bertha always listen to her Quidditch rants without complaining, and so it was only fair she returned the favour. It would do no good to lose her only friend in the whole castle, even if she had recently started to consider Marlene Mckinnon her second one.

She had never gotten along with her house mates, not really. Most of them were blood purist assholes, the rest of them snotty brats. Lucinda, whose family had always been notoriously pro-muggle, her mother being a muggleborn and all, had always been shut out by her housemates. There was always the issue of her newly-discovered queerness. Of course, she had tried making friends during her first year at Hogwarts, but even if the girls in her dorm weren't as prissy then as they were now, twelve-year-old-Lucinda soon found she didn't have a lot in common with them. Not that she needed to, of course. She had Bertha, a curly haired, dark skinned, outgoing Hufflepuff she had been paired with during her second Charms lesson.

Slytherin or not, what did a second-year girl need that she couldn't find in a close best friend? Not much.

Lucinda sat at a table in the Herbology section. Meanwhile, Bertha carefully perused the titles, often pulling a book out, skimming the pages, and placing it back on the shelves, waiting, in silence, for Lucinda to say something. For a while, the room felt eerily quiet, the only sound being the rain pattering on the windows. Eventually, she heard Lucinda speak.

"It's my fault," she said, head in her hands, fingers threading through her blonde hair.

"What are you even talking about?" asked the other, finally sitting down.

"The match. I was distracted. And then we _lost_ , and the boys started pulling their pureblood bullshit right in the middle of the pitch… You should have _seen_ James Potter's face! And on my first match as captain, too! They probably hate me now."

"I thought you didn't care for Gryffindors."

"Not all of them." Bertha nodded in acknowledgement.

"I did notice you staring at the stands a little too much."

" _Merlin,_ do you think anyone else noticed?"

"I'm sure they didn't. Want to talk about it?" she offered.

"No, it's okay." Of course, she ended up talking about it.

"It's just that, this thing, with Marlene… She was _right_ there, in the stands, cheering for the opposite team…"

"It _is_ her team you know. It's only fair she root for her own house."

"I know that! But it sort of felt like she was cheering _against_ me, which I know is far from the truth, but well, you know, deep rooted self-esteem issues have weird ways to come out."

"Yes, I know. And it's natural to feel that way, you know. Do you…"

"Do I what?"

"Do you like Marlene?"

"…I don't know."

"You don't have to figure it out right now. These things take time."

" _Why_ did she have to go and be a bloody Gryffindor?"

"She's probably asking the same thing. Why did _you_ have to go and be a bloody Slytherin?"

"She's not wondering anything, Jorkins. She's straight."

"How do you know?"

"Have you _ever_ seen her dating a girl?"

"That means shit, and you know it."

"Whatever. Besides, I'm not in any position for a relationship or anything of the sort, you know that."

"You can't… put your life on hold because… because of _him._ You deserve to move on from that, you know."

"Easier said than done." Lucinda's tone became clipped, colder. Bertha noticed it, and promptly changed the subject.

"Well, you will not _believe_ what I heard about that tart Ada Walsh…"

* * *

Elaine Greengrass was an intimidating witch. Extremely tall, far, far taller than the Head Boy (Mark Travers, Ravenclaw), with a strong build, jet black hair cut by her chin, and a chiseled jawline, Elaine Greengrass looked like she could run for Minister for Magic and win without even having to campaign. Her eyes were angular and narrow, her chin small, and her complexion ashen.

Elaine Greengrass had never cared for Lily, and never had Lily felt as tempted to dislike her right back.

It was a Saturday, nearly time for supper. The prefect meeting had just come to an end, but instead of relaxing in the common room after, Lily and some of the other prefects would have to spend their evening decorating the Great Hall for Halloween. Needless it is to say, Lily wasn't feeling particularly joyous.

Being forced to spend a couple of hours stuck in the same room as Severus wasn't exactly a happy ordeal. Whenever they were paired in Potions, at least they'd be busy, and the class could never last over ninety minutes. Prefect obligations could very well last through the night. Thank God it was only a Saturday.

For over _three_ hours the prefects charmed candles, carved and hung pumpkins. It was well after midnight when Lily finally closed the curtains to her four poster.

* * *

(The thirty-first of October, 1976)

The following day, was Halloween, or on a lesser level, a Sunday. It was cold and it had rained during the night, but other than that, the weather wasn't terrible. Surprisingly, it wasn't very muddy out, and there was no trace of fogginess. Some would even find that it was a very agreeable day outside.

For Lily, however, it felt like she had just arrived at the gates of Hell. Her head was pounding, and the light coming through the window was blinding. She asked one of her roommates, Elizabeth, if she had the time, and when she discovered it was before seven in the morning, she turned around and buried her head in the pillow once more. _Why_ her friends had decided to wake her up at such an ungodly hour, especially knowing how late she had got to bed the previous night, Lily did not know. What Lily did know, was that she would _not_ give them the satisfaction of getting out of bed before ten.

"Lily!" she head Marlene call her, over and over again. At first, she simply rolled over.

"No. Lily isn't available. Come back tomorrow." Safe to say, Lily was a not a morning person. She'd never been, and she sure wasn't going to start now. Not when she was running on less than six hours of sleep, let alone on a _Sunday._ It was the _principle_ of the thing.

Marlene then took to yanking the covers off of Lily, who quietly, and slowly sat on the bed, crosslegged, her eyes still closed.

"Marlene," she started, and it was disconcerting how even her voice sounded, "I am giving you a warning because you're my friend, and I'd miss you if you died. I am going back to sleep now. And if you even think about waking me up again, I will scoop your eyes out with a spoon, and feed them to Mary's cat."

With a smirk on her lips, Lily laid down once again, and pretended to fall asleep, only just barely hearing Mary's plead for them to leave Colonel Fitzwilliam out of it.

"No need to get so aggressive." Marlene said, raising her arms. "And it's just as well, you stay here and miss out on all the fun."

That got Lily interested. She cracked one eye open. "What fun?"

"Oh, nothing interesting. After all, it _is_ before ten, and on a _weekend,_ no less-"

"Cut the crap, Mar." Marlene simply laughed, while Lily finally conceded and left her bed, pouting all the way to the bathroom.

"It's the Great Hall." Marlene covered her mouth with her hand, unsuccessfully trying to stifle her giggles. Lily cocked an eyebrow at her. "It's covered in toilet paper."

Lily groaned, pulling at her hair. "All that hard work… For _nothing_!"

"Don't be so dramatic, Lily. Honestly, you'd think someone died."

"My _soul_ died."

"Of course it did. Did your will to live also vanish?"

Gathering her toiletries and a change of clothes, Lily replied, smiling, "how did you know?"

"Lucky guess," said Marlene, who wore a smirk on her lips.

Quickly, Lily showered, washing away any trace of sleep from her face. Hopefully, once she was done, she wouldn't look as much of a zombie. _Ah! Fat chance of that happening._ Looking in the mirror, and noticing the bags under her eyes, Lily sighed. Oh well, it was her friends' fault that they'd be hanging around the undead for the day.

The three of them walked to the Great Hall – Lizzy and Susan had already gone down to breakfast – and when they arrived… Well, it turns out, Marlene's explanation had been a bit of an understatement. The Great Hall was covered in toilet paper, yes, but there was also some weird, green goo splattered all over the walls and, most especially, on the Slytherin table.

Lily noticed the Charms and Transfiguration professors running around, waving their wands, trying unsuccessfully to vanish the mess. In her sleep deprived state, Lily found the sight so incredibly amusing, she actually sat down and started cackling like a madwoman.

Eventually, the Marauders arrived, and when Peter asked what was wrong with her, Marlene simply waved his concerns off with a snarky, "oh Peter, pay her no mind. Sunday mornings usually equal mentally deranged Lily."

* * *

Unfortunately for Lily, Halloween usually meant a Slug Club gathering. Not wanting to deprive the students of what was sure to be a magnificent Halloween feast (and most importantly, not wanting to miss out on it himself), Professor Slughorn had arranjed for them to meet for lunch.

It was… a very _select_ group of people. Some were students that excelled at his subject, but most of them were simply charming, well-liked students, often belonging to influential families, most frequently pureblood. Lily firmly placed herself in the former category. The latter was reserved for students like James Potter, Regulus Black, Elaine Greengrass and Dorcas Meadowes.

Despite his father being a famous potioneer, James had never cared much for these so-called affairs. Usually preferring to stay with his mates, Lily couldn't help but be surprised when she found him in his Hogwarts robes, outside the room where lunch would be held. The door was closed, and Potter looked as though he was considering whether he actually wanted to follow through or not.

Silently approaching the boy in question, Lily asked, "you and your mates wouldn't have had anything to do with the mess in the Great Hall, would you?"

"Of course not." He smirked.

The dark, wooden door opened, revealing a cheerful Professor Slughorn. Suspiciously cheerful, in fact… "Lily, my dear! And Potter, lovely of you to join us! Come on in then, let's not waste any more time, shall we?"

Inside were already a few students, but by no means all of them, seeing as there were still some empty chairs.

The chairs were laid out around a circular table. Professor Slughorn sat on his usual seat, facing the door, and by his right side was Regulus, Sirius' younger brother. In front of the professor, sat Benjy Fenwick, a sixth year, keeper and captain of the Ravenclaw quidditch team. Lily sat between him and Potter.

Severus Snape hadn't arrived yet, Lily noticed, and neither had Cassie Higgs, a fourth year Gryffindor.

"Have you spoken to Heather recently?" Lily asked, making conversation. No, Slug Club meetings weren't always the most interesting of gatherings, but at least she had made some great friendships because of it. Heather was Benjy's sister, two years his younger, but unlike her brother, the Sorting Hat had placed her in Gryffindor House.

* * *

As soon as he stepped foot through the door, James was reminded of why he never came to these Slug Club functions. They were elitist, stuffy, _boring._

Much to everyone's surprise, he ended up coming this time. It was his own fault he'd turned that potions essay late… Usually, James wouldn't care about missing a deadline, but it was worth thirty percent of his grade that term! James wasn't too worried, however, for he was certain Professor Slughorn would turn a blind eye if he came to one of his gatherings and maybe mentioned his father once or twice.

When he spotted Evans chatting animatedly with Benjy Fenwick, he couldn't help but regret his decision. No grade justified having to put up with _that._ Was James jealous? _No._ He was getting _over_ Evans, remember? James simply felt betrayed. He could care less who Evans talked to, but the Ravenclaw captain? That was treason.

As the second hour stretched by, he couldn't take it anymore and, under the pretense of having detention with McGonagall, he was excused. It was a lie, and if anyone noticed, they didn't stop him.

* * *

"You okay?" Lily asked Potter. "You seem a bit peaky."

"I'm fine," he replied, and while Lily could see right through him, she also knew it wasn't the time nor the place.

Instead, she gave him a small smile as he left for detention with Professor McGonagall – or so he claimed – and focused on the conversation.

In the end, neither Severus nor Cassie showed up, and Lily couldn't help but worry.

* * *

Susan had always liked Halloween. Ever since she was small, her parents would take her and her younger brother out for trick-or treating, and her love for the holiday had only grown as the years went by, especially when she started attending Hogwarts.

There was something quite magical about a salon decorated to the brim, from the enchanted candles and pumpkins that hung from the enchanted ceiling, to the colour scheme of the drapes.

She was sitting with Elizabeth. Dumbledore wished everyone a happy Halloween, and supper magically appeared on the table.

"Are you still coming home for Christmas?" Elizabeth asked.

"If you'll have me."

"Of course we'll have you, Susan. My sister is probably going to act all self-righteous and prissy, you know, the usual, but other than that, it'll be great.

Nodding in agreement, Susan said, "Emma… She's definitely something else, I'll give you that," which seemed to launch Elizabeth into one of her frequent – albeit always entertaining – rants about her oldest sister.

"My sister doesn't ever know what she's talking about, honestly. I mean, just because _her_ marriage was arranged, she thinks mine and Eve's need to be too. Merlin, I hope she never has kids. She'd probably teach the poor souls about love potions before they even learn how to walk.

"James and I, we'll never have anything, you know I wouldn't do that to you."

"Yeah, I know, don't worry."

"Speak of the devil… Hello, James!"

Susan turned around. When she saw James Potter walking towards them, her stomach flipped. His hair was messy, as usual, and he kept playing with it, making it even messier. It was adorable. His uniform was a mess, true, but when wasn't it? The way she saw it, it simply added to his charm. Susan was fascinated by the way James would start out the morning reasonably put together, and then as day progressed, his outfit started to fall apart. He'd start by ditching the outer robes. Then, he'd roll up his sleeves, and loosen up the tie. By dinner time, the aforementioned garment was usually nowhere to be seen, his shirt untucked, his hair an absolute storm.

Susan spaced out for a minute, only barely hearing James ask Lizzy if she had gotten the Arithmancy homework.

Then, she noticed him shift to look at her, and running one hand through his hair, he said, "oh… Huh, Susan, can I get a word?"

"Of course, James," she replied, bashfully batting her eyelashes at him. She got up from her spot at the table, and tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, she asked, "well?"

"Would you maybe want to go out, sometime? Nothing too fancy, you know, it's just that, well, we've been in the same class for the past five years but I realised we don't know each other very well, and I'd like to, um, change that. If you want to."

Oh, he hadn't. Except, well, he _had._ How in the world…? What had she done to deserve it? It sounded like something out of a dream. At once, Susan noticed that it was extremely cute, seeing James Potter stumble over his words like that.

"Of course! That would be lovely, thank you," she answering, mustering as much poise as she could.

"Cool. I'll see you around?"

"Definitely, we can discuss details another time," replied Susan, smiling at him. A date with James Potter. Wonderful. She was still waiting for her alarm clock to ring.

* * *

Later that night, at around three in the morning, if one were to enter the sixth year boy's dormitory in Gryffindor Tower, what one would find, would be this:

Snoring sounds, blond hair peeking out of the covers, a pale, bare, back, riddled with freckles, one dirty sock in the corner, various other pieces of clothing littering the floor, and two dark-haired boys sitting on one of the beds, passing a bottle of liquor between each other.

One of them was James Potter, while the other was Sirius Black, and if there was anything the latter could always count on, was the Hogwarts rumour mill. Apparently, Bertha overheard a conversation between Prongs and Susan, who told Valerie Elwood, who told Mary Macdonald, and eventually, the whole school knew. Potter and Adams. It had a nice ring to it. Not the _best_ , but not terrible.

"So, Susan Adams?"

"I guess you've heard, then?"

"Yeah, I've heard all right. Susan is cute, I'll give you that, and she seems to like you, but why now?"

"I'm moving on," said James, gesturing to himself, taking a swig from the bottle. "This is me, moving on."

"And what caused this sudden urge of empowerment?"

"Nothing in particular." Sirius sent him a pointed look. "But, hypothetically, it could have had something to deal with the fact that Evans seemed awful cosy with that Fenwick bloke at lunch. And hypotethically, that's a good push in the right direction as any, right? And we're friends now, Padfoot. I'd simply be trying to salvage a much cherished friendship. This is all hypothetical, of course."

Sirius opened his mouth, but James cut him off before he could speak, "and a _Ravenclaw_ as well! She was consorting with the enemy! Redheads are treacherous creatures."

"Mate."

"What?"

"You can't possibly be that oblivious."

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"Let's just say that I highly doubt Fenwick's interested in Evans."

"Why do you say that?"

"He's gay, mate."

"No, he's not."

"Yes, he is. He has a boyfriend, for Merlin's sake."

"I… I had no idea."

"Well, you've never been the most observant."

"You don't think I should have asked Susan."

"I think you should do what you think you should do."

"You're being awfully cryptic today, aren't you?"

"Oh, terribly," replied a Sirius, wearing an unnerving smirk with practiced ease. "Pass the Firewhisky, will you?" James did so.

"Have I made a huge mistake?"

"Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. Maybe this is going to be the best decision in your fucking life. Maybe it will be the absolute worst. It's _fine_. We all fuck up sometimes anyway _._ "

"Some of us more than others."

"Some of us more than others," Sirius agreed.

* * *

 **A/N:** Woosh! What a chapter, am I right? Please don't forget to let me know what you thought of it in a review! x


	8. You Stole My Cauldron

**A/N:** Before y'all start yelling at me for how long this took (not that any of you _have_ so far, and for that I'd like to thank you profusely), I am very, very aware of the fact that it's been over a month.

This chapter is choppy. Most of it is intentional, some is not, but I _had_ to get it out. I've been trying to work on the following chapter, but I found I could not do it until I posted this. And so, because it is finals season, I might just be able to post again in early 2017.

But I'm getting ahead of myself! This chapter is over four thousand words! That's super exciting! Fantastic Beasts is also exciting. As is Rainbow Rowell and Miraculous Ladybug. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're missing out.

Thanks for bearing with me - I hope you enjoy! x

 **Disclaimer** : **I own nothing. Especially not the awesomeness that is Celestina Warbeck.**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

Or

You Stole My Cauldron

* * *

(Immature Slytherins)

It was the first day of the month, and Lily Evans hadn't made it to class.

She was supposed to be in Potions.

Instead, she was in the Hospital Wing, visiting Cassie Higgs, a fellow Gryffindor girl, who had shown up shaken and bruised to the infirmary the previous day.

Lily wasn't worried about skipping class; Slughorn was halfway in love with her already, and a quick explanation of what had happened was sure to keep her in his good graces. And, after all, Professor McGonagall would back her up.

She had run to the Hospital Wing as soon as she had heard about what happened, leaving her breakfast half eaten.

Lily tried talking to Cassie about what had happened, but her efforts were proven fruitless, as Cassie could not recall anything from the incident. Lily, however, had her suspicions. She really should have known.

She didn't have any other classes that day and, even though there were still around thirty minutes left of Potions, Lily couldn't stomach the idea of going back to a room full of her friends, Slytherins, and _him_ , so she decided to simply stay in the infirmary for a while. Then she'd head to the library to tackle some of her homework. Professor Flitwick had assigned the class a huge essay and, due to the Quidditch match and the Halloween festivities, Lily hadn't gotten the chance to work on it during the weekend.

* * *

It was just after supper.

The Marauders were lounging around in the common room, sitting by the fireplace. Sirius and Peter were playing wizard chess, their third game of the evening.

"How come you've beat me _again_?" Sirius groaned.

James rolled his eyes. Not only was Peter exceptionally good at chess, Sirius was exceptionally _bad_ at it. Everyone knew it; Sirius knew it, Peter knew it, Professor Slughorn knew it, Madam Pomfrey knew it… It was a well-known fact that Sirius Black was absolutely rubbish when it came to chess.

Looking around the common room, James spotted Susan sitting on one of the armchairs, slumped over a book. Her brow was furrowed and she was biting the end of her quill, clearly feeling perturbed by what she was reading, and so he decided to go over and talk to her for a bit.

He thought to warn his friends about it, should they look at his spot and find him gone, but he quickly scrapped the idea. They were clearly too engrossed in their own discussion on wizarding chess rules. Much to Sirius' chagrin, Peter seemed to be winning the argument.

"Hey," James greeted Susan with a smirk. "Transfiguration giving you trouble?"

"Oh, hi, James. It's McGonagall's essay. I procrastinated so much that it's due tomorrow and I still haven't gotten around to doing it yet. And to think we had a full week to work on it, as well!

"I can help you with that."

"Yeah?"

"Of course! You're talking to a Transfiguration prodigy here," he added, coaxing a laugh out of Susan.

All right, so maybe she wasn't the love of his life. Maybe he didn't want to write sonnets about her beauty, maybe his heart didn't feel like bursting out of his chest, but she was funny and she _liked_ him, and wasn't that enough? Wasn't he allowed a little bit of fun?

* * *

Later that night, long after curfew, the students had ditched the common room in favour of their dormitories. Huddled together in one of the beds, the four Marauders could be found poring over the map, working on some final adjustments.

"Have any of you seen Evans today?" James asked. Lily hadn't showed up to Potions, and none of her friends had heard from her the whole day. He'd checked. Twice, to be precise.

"I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate that thought, mate," Sirius snickered, which caused James to roll his eyes.

"Susan is _not_ my girlfriend."

"Yet," teased Sirius.

* * *

In retrospect, Lily shouldn't have even left Gryffindor Tower. She should not have climbed down the stairs to the dungeons, and she certainly she shouldn't have hidden behind Hooky the House-Elf's statue, waiting for him to leave the Slytherin common room on his nightly patrol. In retrospect, Lily shouldn't have gone after Severus Snape, but she was annoyed, she was tired, and she'd had enough.

"Snape."

"Evans," he replied with practiced ease, as though he was _expecting_ her to be there.

"What did you do to Cassie Higgs?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Lily sighed. "Of course you don't."

* * *

"Oh, shut _up_ -"

"Crap." Remus gulped.

"What?"

"It's Evans."

"What about her?" Peter piped in.

"She's alone with Snape in the dungeons."

At once, James scrambled out of the bed. "What are we waiting for, then?" he said, grabbing his wand.

* * *

Snape was silent, until after a moment, he quipped, "So now you care about my whereabouts?"

Lily threw her hands in the air, before crossing them in front of her chest, anxiously tapping her foot against the floor.

"I can't handle this. You're such a child."

"And Potter is better, huh?"

Lily made a face. "Why do you keep bringing Potter into everything? Be straight with me for a second… Are you in love, Severus?"

"You never used to be like this, Lily," replied Snape, ignoring Lily's question.

"Be what? A Mudblood? That much hasn't changed."

"You never used to be so… _arrogant._ You're just like one of _them_ now, strutting about Hogwarts thinking you own the place, convinced that you're so much better than everyone else…"

"Shut up, Sev. For the love of God, _shut up_."

"You've never been fond of hearing the truth, have you, Lily?"

"Honestly," said James, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, followed by the rest of the gang, "I know it's hard for you, but _try_ not to play dumb for a second, mate."

"Potter," Severus replied, the disgust evident on his twisted expression, "is it physically possible for you to stay quiet? Or are you afraid your gigantic ego won't survive-"

"Or what?" Lily interrupted, "Are you going to do to us the same you and your aspiring Death Eater friends did to Cassie?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," Snape hissed.

"Care to fill us in?" Remus asked, smirking as though they weren't in the middle of a feud, one that would undoubtedly get much, much worse as the years went on.

"Not particularly," Snape taunted. Feigning heartbreak, Sirius clutched at his heart for a second.

"That's too bad," Peter responded. Snape's wand slipped inconspicuously from his sleeve, into his open hand.

"I will say this, though…" he stated with a sneer, Lily's presence all but forgotten, "…personally, I can't _wait_ to get to know Regulus better."

"You stay the fuck away from Regulus," Sirius snapped, raising his wand, moulding his body into a fighting stance. The remaining three Marauders mimicked his actions, attempting to shield Lily from the argument, if only as a precaution.

"And deprive myself of your lovely temper tantrums?" Snape replied with a sneer. "Why ever would I do that?"

"Sirius," Lily began, cautiously bringing Sirius' raised arm down, "he's not worth it."

Sirius chose not to reply, focusing instead on the greasy-haired target in front of him.

James coughed, wrapping one of his arms around Sirius' shoulders, carefully manoeuvring him away from the impending fight. "Evans is right. Come on."

"How typical, running away," said Snape. "And you call yourselves Gryffindors."

"Oh, shut up, Severus," Lily snapped at him and, for a single second, Snape looked flabbergasted. Then, noticing the sound of approaching footsteps, Severus carefully rearranged his features back to his usual disinterested expression.

"What is going on here?" asked Professor Slughorn, who, upon hearing commotion happening just outside his office, had decided to come out and check for himself.

"Nothing at all, Professor," replied Lily, putting on her best innocent voice. "We were just leaving."

Before leaving, Lily spared a look at her former best friend, sad to see that the little boy who had first told her about witches and wizards was long gone.

That evening, Dumbledore had stood up and given one of his usual speeches, about how some wizard from the Ministry would come to the castle next week to speak about the dangers and consequences of using dark spells, and about how, _in times of adversity such as the ones we were currently facing, it was our duty to join forces instead of tearing each other down._

Yeah, right. That was likely to happen.

* * *

(Mouthy Ravenclaws)

It started, she would later conclude, with Mary.

As soon as she stepped foot inside the Charms classroom that particular Tuesday, and Professor Flitwick had announced he would be assigning partners, Lily grew anxious. By the time he had paired Marlene off with Valerie, she was certain something would blow up.

And blow up it did.

You see, Ravenclaw Valerie Elwood and Gryffindor Marlene McKinnon had never _really_ gotten along. Valerie was known for her gossip-prone personality and, if there was anything that Marlene positively abhorred, it was egotistical and nosy know-it-all's.

If one were to ask Lily Evans what _exactly_ had happened, she wouldn't have been able to tell you. In fact, she was still trying to figure things out herself.

When the first half hour of the class had passed by without a hitch, Lily had started to relax, which she would later write off as a rookie mistake.

The clock marked fifteen minutes until the end, and Lily was at ease. Everything had been completely _fine._ Until it wasn't.

From what little information Lily _could_ understand, these were the few conclusions she was able to come up with:

One: To underestimate the volume and pitch a female's voice could reach was a mistake. Especially if that female was a tiny, dark haired Ravenclaw.

Two: It was a good thing, really, that Mary had chosen that particular moment to go to the loo.

Three: Marlene McKinnon had a mean right hook. But that, of course, you knew already.

* * *

"McKinnon, I'm not doing anything wrong," complained Valerie, tapping her foot on the floor, pulling at her strawberry blond curls.

"Well, obviously you _are,_ or the spell would have worked properly!" Marlene clutched at her face in despair.

"Oh, I'm _so_ sorry that I turned your nose into a duck's beak. Personally, I think you look much better like that."

"Miss McKinnon! Miss Elwood!" Professor Flitwick protested in his usual squeaky voice.

"Oh, thank you for your input, Valerie. I've always wondered what it must _feel like_ to have a stick shoved so far up your _arse._ "

"Language, please!"

" _Well,_ at least it's not _my_ best friend who's the one putting up with a lying, cheating, boyfriend!"

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"You can't actually _believe_ MacDonald likes to be treated that way. I mean, the sex must be _mind-blowing-"_

 ** _Thump!_**

That was when Marlene's closed fist collided with Valerie's nose.

"That is _enough!_ This is unacceptable behaviour! This is a classroom, not a circus! Detention, the both of you!"

"Worth it."

" _Quiet_ , Miss McKinnon!"

* * *

After a quick conversation with Professor Flitwick, Lily swiftly left the classroom in order to go after Marlene. She wasn't hard to locate. In fact, Lily found Marlene not too far away, leaning against the wall by the girl's lavatory.

Lily fixed Valerie's mistake with ease, but brushed off her friend's brisk thank you with a "Marlene! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't about to let her talk about Mary like that!"

Lily took a deep breath.

"Look, you know I'm all about that ' _Do no harm, take no shit'_ life, but do you honestly think that _Charms class_ is the proper place for such an argument?"

"Well, I'm sorry not all of us can be as sensible as _you,_ Lily. Perfect Lily Evans, with her perfect fucking attitude-"

"Don't you dare, Marlene McKinnon! I know you're frustrated - _God,_ I'm angry too! But taking it out on me isn't going to solve anything!"

"The thing is, Lily, Valerie had a point! How can Mary _stay_ with someone like that? Especially after that stunt he pulled last week? He's always tearing her down! It's always ' _That was really smart, for a Gryffindor'_ this, and ' _Can't you take a joke'_ _that_ , and I'm fed up of it!"

"I know! We've had this conversation before!"

"Exactly! And it's been nearly two months, and everything is exactly the same!"

"And somehow that's my fault?"

"Well, you aren't helping!"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Stop being so passive! It was the same thing with Snape!"

Lily looked as though she had been slapped, her eyes in slits. She took a deep breath and, in a _much_ colder tone, she replied, **"** I have no idea what's gotten into you these past few days, but check yourself, Marlene. Honestly."

Perhaps it was fate, or maybe it was something else entirely, but for some reason neither of them could discern right then, Mary MacDonald chose that particular moment to come out of the toilet – both Lily _and_ Marlene had forgotten about their friend's whereabouts – utterly confused, asking what was going on.

Instead of replying – for Lily was far too exhausted, and frankly, quite hurt, to say anything – Lily simply threw her hands in the air and left the scene.

She stomped all the way to the Great Hall and, by the time Transfiguration rolled around, Lily hid so far in the back of the classroom that her classmates wondered if she had even shown up at all.

That night, she dreamt of thick, dark clouds in the sky, growing, and growing, and growing.

* * *

(Stubborn Gryffindors)

It was the third day of November.

For Professor Fraser, the Astronomy teacher, that meant it was Scorpio season. Mars and Pluto ruled the skies, and those under the influence of a certain zodiac would undoubtedly be more driven by their own desires than usual.

For Madam Pomfrey, it was prime cold season. Most students were dealing with some form of stuffy or runny nose, and the Hospital Wing's stash of Pepperup Potion was at a lower supply than it had been all year. Lily herself had woken up with a scratchy throat and a pounding in her head.

For Professor Hatheway, it was a Wednesday, by far her busiest day of the week.

Most importantly, however, it was Sirius Black's birthday.

It was Sirius' birthday, and so, despite it being the literal middle of the week, the Gryffindor common room had been converted into a party venue. The little kids had been sent to bed, (the fact that it was a school night wasn't lost on _everyone,_ after all), and it was, as James had put it one or two hours prior, _a booze fest._ Lily herself was sipping a glass of Butterbeer; she didn't feel like showing up to Transfiguration hungover, thank you very much.

Most upperclassmen were drunk off their arses, staggering around the common room, knocking over chairs, and the birthday boy and his friends were no exception.

The wireless was on, and some Celestina Warbeck song was playing.

 _You think you're quite the wizard, got me under your spell,_

 _But guess what, Mister Wizard, you don't know me so well…_

Leaning against the wall, Lily tapped her foot to the beat. Marlene was way beyond sober, and so Mary had taken her up to bed before she was sick. _Lily_ , on the other hand, didn't feel much like going to her dormitory. In fact, ever since her argument with Marlene the day before, Lily had spent the least amount of time possible around her classmates. She got up at the earliest time possible, and only went up into her dormitory when it was time for her to sleep. In DADA, she partnered up with Remus; in Ancient Runes, she sat next to Ada Walsh and, in Potions, she requested to work by herself.

It was, by far, the longest the two girls had gone without speaking (save for the holidays, of course) since the Sorting Ceremony.

 _…_ _You thought you were so clever, but, in truth, you're a crook_

 _And no way you're gettin' away with all the things that you took…_

James was on the loveseat, chatting with Susan, his hand in his hair, and _her_ hand touching his bicep. They were leaning towards each other, and James had probably just cracked one of his ridiculously unfunny jokes, for Susan was laughing uncontrollably, gasping for air.

Next to the refreshment table, Remus was discussing literature with Dorcas Meadowes, Gryffindor Chaser and seventh year Prefect. Igor Hastings was passed out on the table and at least two students had already run to the bathrooms upstairs in order to throw up. Oh well, at least it would save them the hangover.

 _…_ _You stole my cauldron,_

 _My favourite black hat,_

 _Purloined my owl,_

 _Then flew off like a vampire bat…_

Peter was sat in one of the scarlet armchairs, giggling at the crackling fire, Elizabeth sprawled across Malcom Gudgeon's lap. Sirius had stumbled his way up the stairs a few minutes ago and Edward Macmillan was downing drink after drink after drink in the middle of the room, probably in a half-arsed attempt at forgetting his recent breakup with Wesley Doge. The two of them had been Hogwarts most famous on-and-off couple and, while a permanent breakup seemed inevitable at this point, Lily couldn't help but feel bad for the poor guy.

 _You claimed that you loved me,_

 _Said we'd never part…_

She turned back around to look over at James, only to find that _this_ time around, it was _Susan's_ fingers threading through his hair, and her lips were the ones locked with his own.

 _Then you stole my cauldron,_

 _(Oh, you stole her cauldron),_

 _But you can't have my heart._

* * *

James Potter had lost track of time. In fact, it was close to one in the morning by the time he finally stumbled into the sixth year boys' dormitory. Tripping over himself, he landed on his bed with a _thud_ and-

"D'you reckon Reg was part of it?"

Instantly sobering up, James replied, "Part of what?"

"The thing with Cassie."

"He wasn't, that much I can assure you. He was at the Slug Clug thing." Something flashed in Sirius' eyes. "Promise me you won't go after him, Sirius."

"You know I can't promise you that."

"At least try to lay low for a bit, will you?"

"Sure. But if he touches so much as one _hair_ on my brother's head… _I'll kill him._ "

"Snivellus is all talk. He's not going to do anything, Sirius. He's not."

"And if he does?"

"Then I'll help you kill him."

Sirius nodded. The two boys lay in silent for a moment, until-

"I may or may not have snogged Adams."

"Cheers, mate."

* * *

In the late hours of the night, Mary and Marlene were stretched out atop the former's four poster. Lily could hear them, speaking in hushed tones, trying to keep the conversation private. She could hear Marlene's gentle sobs and, even though she wanted nothing more than to go and comfort her friend, she couldn't. Not yet. Besides, her friends thought her asleep.

Lily tried – unsuccessfully, of course – to block out their voices, to focus on the steady thumping of her heart, and yet she couldn't fall asleep.

"She'll come around, Marlene," she heard Mary's comforting words. On Marlene's end, near radio silence, until-

"And if she doesn't?"

"She will."

* * *

It was a universally acknowledged fact that news in Hogwarts travelled exceptionally quickly. That of James and Susan's drunken make-out session was no exception. In fact, when Lily ambled down to the Great Hall for a spot of breakfast the next morning, everyone was already buzzing with the new gossip. It seemed as though the Hogwarts population had run out of things to talk about.

She sat at the end of the Gryffindor table, next to a couple of fifth years. Marlene was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the newly formed couple. It was a good thing, really; Susan had never enjoyed being the centre of attentions. She found solace in painting, not in nosy crowds and indiscreet questions.

Soon, however, she notice someone sitting down next to her; it was Mary.

"Lily," she breathed.

"Good morning, Mary," she replied, not even looking at her friend, opting instead to stare down at her toast.

"Your food is not going to kill you, you know." Lily made an non-committal noise. Sighing, Mary added, "How are you?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Fine." Hearing the defeat on Mary's voice, Lily finally spared a look in her direction. Her ash brown hair had lost some of its usual shine, and so Mary had secured it in a plait. Her eyes – somewhere between grey and hazel in colour, usually alight with happiness – had dark bags underneath them, just like they did most days after fighting with her boyfriend.

Lily and Marlene didn't fight often – as if to prove that particular point, Lily couldn't recall more than two other incidents in their six years of friendship - and when they did, it never lasted long, but every time, it seemed as though Mary's body somehow _sensed_ it; her skin got paler, her complexion pastier. In fact, she and Marlene hadn't even been arguing for a full three days, and already Mary seemed more tired than usual. It made Lily feel even worse.

"Well, good."

"We miss you, Lily. Marlene misses you."

Instantly, Lily felt anger flaring up inside her. She wasn't usually an aggressive person – despite having heard a _lot_ of fiery temper jokes in relation to her hair colour – but a line had been crossed. Not only did Lily feel hurt, she also felt disappointed (something, she decided, Lily never thought she would feel towards Marlene.)

"Yeah? Then maybe she should have thought about my feelings before opening up her mouth."

"She didn't mean to-"

"You don't have to make excuses for her, Mary."

Mary's figure slumped, and she rushed to apologize, "I'm sorry."

"'S not your fault," replied Lily, shrugging, guilt eating at her insides.

"I'm still sorry."

Lily took Mary's hand.

"I know."

* * *

Meanwhile, in a different part of the castle, a very different (although no less important) conversation took place.

It had been a murky night, but the fog had cleared up in the morning. It was actually quite sunny outside. After his morning shower, James Potter had gotten dressed, checked the map, and was now headed towards the Owlery. Tapping the paper with his wand, he uttered the words ' _Mischief Managed_ ' and the detailed drawings faded until the piece of parchment in his hands was blank.

"Good morning." Susan greeted him with a smile. Her light brown hair was secured in a ponytail, and there was a streak of red starting just behind her earlobe, ending at her jawline. James fought the urge to trace it with his fingers.

"You have something on your neck," he opted to say instead.

"Oh." She touched the mark. "I was up painting last night."

"Right." Lifting one hand to his hair, he added, "I think we need to talk."

Susan sighed. "James, you already know where I stand. It's not like I've been trying to hide my feelings these past months. I _like_ you. But if you don't want it to, our kiss doesn't have to be anything more than that."

He leaned in a little closer. "I do want it to."

"Really?" Susan asked, looking up at James through her lashes. She was smiling, and it was contagious.

"Yeah."

"Good. Does that mean I get to kiss you every time I want to now?"

James simply replied by closing the distance between the two of them.

* * *

Arguing with Marlene had been weighing Lily down, and it had finally caught up with her. She was still hurt, of course, but maybe there was some truth to what Marlene had said. Maybe she _had_ been too passive, maybe she _had_ given Snape one chance too many. She was allowed to make mistakes, was she not?

Mary's voice had floated inside her head the whole day because, if _she_ was granted the right to slip up sometimes, wasn't Marlene also allowed to let her tongue run free, to speak before thinking, from time to time?

In reality, Lily wasn't angry anymore, she was just too bloody proud. But she was tired, and she wanted her best friend back.

Lily climbed up the stairs to her dormitory, only to find Lizzy and Susan making their way down. Lily opened up the dark, wooden door, and there Marlene was sitting on her four-poster, clutching a piece of parchment in her hands, staring at her and, while she heard Susan's voice somewhere in the distance, gushing about her newly established relationship with James Potter, Lily smiled.

"Marlene…" she started, before being interrupted by Marlene.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Lily. I don't know what's gotten into me." Marlene paused, before continuing, "Actually, I do. There's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?" asked Lily, settling down on the bed next to her. Marlene seemed nervous; she kept fidgeting with the hem of her blouse.

"I like someone."

"Okay."

"A girl someone."

"Okay."

"And I don't know what it means, and maybe I don't have to figure it out right now, but I like her… and yeah." Lily opened her mouth, but she was cut off before she could interject. "I just don't know what to do because this has never happened to me before… I mean, she's in _Slytherin_ , for Merlin's sake, you know?'

"I _was_ wondering when you were going to speak up about that."

"You don't mind?"

"What, that she's a Slytherin? Do you not remember the fact that I was best friends with _Severus Snape_ for six years?"

Marlene winced. "I'm sorry about that, by the way."

"That's the reason I came up here in the first place. I'm not mad anymore, Mar. We all muck things up sometimes."

Marlene threw her arms around Lily and, after a moment, the two friends left together for the Great Hall. It was, after all, dinnertime.

"Oh, and by the way, Marlene…" Lily smirked, "I definitely saw Lucinda check you out at lunch today."

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry. Feel free to yell at me via review though! (And _YES_ for 'canonically' queer Marlene.) x


	9. Bird Set Free

**A/N:** I wasn't expecting to be able to post a new chapter before January, but for some reason I managed to finish this one quite early and my beta did a stellar job at going through this one.

I want to formally thank Shawn Mendes for all his support - meaning, without his music I wouldn't have been able to finish this as quickly - so if you aren't familiar with his music go give him a listen! He's a sweetheart and a total babe. I'm in love.

I really hope you enjoy this chapter! I'd also like to wish you all happy holidays, and I hope you have an amazing new year! x

 **Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own any of the characters or the world. Props to JKR for that.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight**

Or

 _Bird Set Free_

* * *

It was already the end of November, and the holidays were only a couple of weeks away. Thus it was prime exam season, and so the students were facing tests and quizzes on a roughly daily basis – not to mention, of course, the numerous practical demonstrations in nearly every subject.

In fact, a few of the Gryffindor sixth years were spending – although Sirius would argue they were _wasting –_ their Saturday in the library, revising for the upcoming Defence Against the Dark Arts exam.

"Which two spells," Remus began, reading from a piece of parchment, "if mixed, cause the victim to sprout little tentacles?"

"I know one of them is the Jelly-Legs Jinx…" Marlene replied absent-mindedly. She'd been at it the whole afternoon, and her lack of attention had become most acute, Lily noted, since Bertha and Lucinda had shuffled into the already crowded library.

"Oh, I know this one! It's Furnunculus, right?" asked Peter.

"Correct, both of you!"

"I think we should focus a bit more on nonverbal spells. I'm not sure what kind of questions Hatheway is going to come up with." It was her first year as the Defence teacher – the position was jinxed, it seemed – and, as it was only the first written exam, their concerns were only natural. "Marlene?"

"Uh… Yes?"

"Do you want to take a break, maybe?" Lily offered, with a smug smile dancing on her lips.

"Sure. That'd be nice."

"I'll come with," said Sirius, standing up. "I know it all already."

"Cocky, aren't you, Sirius?" chastised Lily, to which he responded with a wink.

Sirius and Marlene began packing away their things, and Lily promptly picked up her notes, and began to read, "Some spells, such as Levicorpus…" - although her voice didn't falter, she could feel the way that James' gaze dropped to the wooden desk - "…are easier to perform nonverbally than others. Most spells, however, seem to be less effective than normal when the incantation is not spoken aloud."

"Ah, Evans," said James, leaning forward in his seat. "I love it when you talk technical to me."

"I'm not sure your girlfriend would be too fond of that, mate," Peter piped in, allowing for a subtle blush to creep up James' cheeks.

"I guess old habits die hard, huh? Sorry."

"Don't be. Susan is really nice," Lily replied, smiling.

"She is!" Mary exclaimed. "Except for that one time when she got blue paint on Colonel Fitzwilliam." Pouting, she added, "He stained my white blouse."

"Oh, I liked that blouse," complimented Peter.

"Thank you, Peter," Mary added.

Lily, however, wasn't convinced, as she argued, "Well, it's your damn fault for keeping that menace of a cat in the dorm." Then, she sighed "We're not going to get any more studying done, are we?"

"No," James replied, sporting his usual boyish grin. "I daresay we aren't."

* * *

Precisely one week later, the same sixth year Gryffindors were down by the Quidditch Pitch, as it was match day.

Ravenclaw was playing Hufflepuff, and it seemed as though Gladys Barker – the Hufflepuff Seeker – was more affected by her parents' disappearance than she was letting on off the pitch. She was uncharacteristically distracted, failing to tail the Ravenclaw seeker when the Snitch was first spotted, thus resulting in the quickest win of the last three seasons.

Barely twenty minutes had gone by, and, if Lily didn't love being outside as much she did, she might have regretted getting dressed for such a short outing.

It was just as well – the holidays were coming up and, as Lily was going home for the festivities, she had better start gathering her things together. Lily was fully aware that if she left packing until the last minute, it would never get done and she would end up owling her mother to let her know that she would be staying at Hogwarts, after all.

How she always managed to make such a mess of her dormitory in such a short amount of time, Lily had no idea.

After a few moments of silent deliberation, Lily decided she'd start by emptying her trunk. Not everything needed to be brought home – the holidays were, after all, only a short two weeks long.

She settled on some nice Muggle clothes to take with her and then set about gathering the books that she'd need. In Lily's humble opinion, literature was one of the few things Muggles had done better than wizards. (It was that, electricity and pens. The novelty of candle-lit corridors, ink pots and quills had long ago worn off.)

For this term, she had brought some of her favourite romance novels to Hogwarts. Now, she'd return them to their home and bring back some new volumes after Christmas.

Lily's mum was a secondary school English teacher and so the house was filled with all the best classics, which was always a source of immense joy for her friend, Remus.

That got Lily thinking. Would any of her friends be staying at Hogwarts during the holidays?

She knew Marlene and Mary would go home – they _did_ have plans to meet up at Diagon Alley – but what would the Marauders do? Probably go to James' house. Sirius lived there and, where the pair went, Remus and Peter usually followed. But maybe this year they wouldn't. Susan rarely went home for Christmas, and James would like to see his girlfriend over the holidays, wouldn't he?

Sparing a glance at the old clock mounted on the wall, Lily sighed. Once again, she'd wasted too much time pondering over nothing and now it was too late to sort her things. She had tutoring to go to.

* * *

(Hogsmeade)

Despite it being almost Christmas – or perhaps, because of that fact - the Professors had allowed for one extra Hogsmeade trip.

Marlene was supposed to go with Lily – because that was usually the way things were – but she had been forced to change her plans, as Lily had been asked out by Victor Goshawk, a Ravenclaw and fellow prefect.

She was actually considering opting out of going to the village entirely, when Lucinda – with whom Marlene found herself spending more and more time – asked if she wanted to go with her and Bertha. A dozen excuses started forming in Marlene's mind, but in the end, she agreed to it.

One, because she didn't _really_ want to refuse Lucinda's offer, and two, because she was starting to have an increasingly large amount of difficulty in saying no to a pretty face, or at least, one in particular.

* * *

December was cold, with frequent wintry showers and heavy layers of fog. At least, Severus mused, it wasn't raining. He was so, _so_ sick of the rain.

In fact, if one were to compare the current weather to that of the previous few days, one would conclude that it was actually a very agreeable day outside. Some might even use the word lovely.

Severus went down to breakfast, and then he decide to take a carriage to the village. It wasn't like him to indulge in such festivities but he was running out of quills – they were always breaking, or disappearing – and he didn't feel like ordering some by owl.

When he arrived, he noticed Lily hanging around Victor Goshawk, a sixth year prefect who, for some reason that transcended Severus' comprehension, had somehow been sorted into Ravenclaw.

He also saw Talkalot, who was accompanied by Jorkins, as usual, and _McKinnon._ None of Severus' housemates could possibly fathom why Talkalot would want to hang around such a lowly crowd, thus besmirching the image of Slytherin house, but with a Mudblood mother like hers, Severus couldn't say he was surprised.

* * *

It was only their first date and he was late already. Of course. James fumbled around the dormitory, trying to find everything; first his socks, then his jumper, and finally his scarf. (For James, finding his scarf was imperative, because it was extremely cold out and his mother would have him beheaded if he got sick just before the holidays, his father's ability to cook up a Pepperup Potion in a few minutes notwithstanding.)

And so, James was late. So, so, _so_ incredibly late. Part of him suspected Sirius had hidden all of his stuff. He'd done the same thing to Peter that time he'd gone out with Helena Hodge in fifth year.

When he finally found his things – already a tortuous ten minutes _after_ he was supposed to be meeting his girlfriend – he positively _sprinted_ to the Great Hall, where Susan would, no doubt, be waiting for him. Or maybe she had left.

James couldn't get there sooner.

Except, when he _did_ arrive, she was still there. Smiling, as warm and bright as always, chatting animatedly with Charity Burbage, a fourth year Hufflepuff.

"Susan!" said James, still out of breath.

"Oh, hello, James." She reached out and, hooking her arms around his neck, planted a feather-light kiss on his lips. "Everything okay?"

"Of course," he heaved, "now that I'm here. Sirius hid all my stuff away. Couldn't find anything. Sorry."

Upon finally noticing his frazzled state, Susan inquired, "Did you _run_ here?"

"It was more of a relaxing jog."

"Oh, James, you didn't have to."

"I wanted to."

Then, James reached out to tuck a stray piece of golden brown hair behind Susan's ear, and after one more gentle, tender kiss, the pair made their way to the carriages.

* * *

It was much colder down by the village, Lily noticed. The warmth of the castle had fooled her, and Lily, lulled by the soothing atmosphere that was so typical of Hogwarts, had forgotten to _layer._ If her mother could see her, she would be very disappointed, no doubt.

 _"_ _Layer, Lily! Never forget your layers, you hear me?"_ she'd say, in that firm but loving voice that all mothers should employ when advising their children on one matter or the other.

She had accepted Victor Goshawk's date proposal and, despite the confirmation she felt that her feelings towards the Ravenclaw prefect were purely platonic, she didn't have it in her to refuse when Victor offered her his cloak. Lily was _freezing_ and _,_ after all, she was no saint.

And it wasn't as though he was completely unfortunate-looking; despite not being enormously tall, he was still a sight taller than Lily, and he had the most impeccable skin she had ever seen on a sixteen year old boy – a lovely shade of brown, spotless, almost radiant. Plus, he was an excellent conversationalist. A bit shy, yes, but still.

There was just _something._ Lily couldn't exactly pinpoint what it was, but there was something missing.

The pair headed to Scrivenshaft's, as Victor needed to pick up some more parchment and, afterwards, they made their way to The Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer.

As it was much warmer inside, Lily pulled off Victor's blue coat and found them a table. Victor, on the other hand, walked over to the counter to order the drinks.

She had just started to drum her fingers on the wooden table – the queue was long and she needed _some_ way to pass the time – when she felt someone sit down in front of her. However, when she lifted her head, instead of finding Victor, as expected, she found James.

"Traitor."

"Hello to you, too," she said. "Oh, hello, Susan."

"Hi, Lily. How are you?"

"I'm good. You?"

Sneaking a glance at James, she replied, "Couldn't be better. Did you do well on the Transfiguration exam?"

"Why aren't you answering me?" interjected James, looking tremendously _offended_ by Lily's lack of response.

"I think I did okay. I totally butchered the last demonstration, though."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Lily. I'm sure you were lovely. Personally, I'm just glad to have gotten it over with."

"Why isn't anyone here listening to me?"

Finally, Lily looked over at James, then turned to Susan to say, "Susan, I'm so sorry about your boyfriend."

"What for?"

"He's got the attention span of a goldfish." Turning back to James again, she added, "Potter, go back to your date."

"You still haven't acknowledged your treacherous nature. I'm bothered."

"Well, can't you go be bothered somewhere else?"

"No, I most certainly _cannot,_ you filthy traitor."

"Come on, James, don't be crass-"

Shaking her head, Lily finally asked, "Wait, what are you _on_ about?"

"Goshawk."

"What's Victor have to do with anything?"

"Ravenclaw," he replied, as though it was obvious. Lily simply rolled her eyes.

"James, you're ridiculous. Please leave."

Immediately after, James' expression turned sour and, when Lily turned around, she finally saw her date approaching from the bar.

"If I had known we'd have company, I would have brought more drinks," said Victor, wearing his best smile – which Lily knew for a fact to be forced, but was still grateful for.

"That's okay, we were just leaving," replied James, his voice tense.

"Thank you." With one last goodbye, Susan and James both made their way to the door, though James couldn't help but turn around to mouth _'Traitor'_ at her one last time.

"What was that about?"

"Potter's insane, and Susan is too nice to say anything."

"Ah," said Victor, nodding in agreement.

"Indeed." She picked up her Butterbeer and drank.

* * *

The grounds looked incredible. Despite the cold, which Mary wasn't overly fond of, the wintry showers had made the grass a vibrant shade of green, and so it was a really lovely day.

She and Bertram were walking hand in hand through the Hogsmeade high street. They'd been to Zonko's already, and to Gladrags, in spite of Bertram's incessant complaining.

"Bertram, honey?" Mary said, from behind her floral printed scarf.

"Yes?"

"Would you mind stopping by Honeydukes? Mum's asked me to get her some more crystallised pineapple. Personally, I don't know how she stomachs it. She and Slughorn have terrible taste when it comes to sweets."

"Sure. And after that, we'll nip over to Tomes and Scrolls, yes, pumpkin?"

"Of course! I've been itching to get my hands on the latest Witch Weekly. Now that they've stopped owl deliveries, I've been feeling terribly out of the loop."

Slowing his pace, Bertram asked, very carefully, "Mary, sweetie, have you ever thought about reading, you know, _real_ books?"

Now, Mary stopped in her tracks altogether.

"What's wrong with me liking magazines?

"Yeah…" He shook his head in a dismissive manner. "I guess it's good that you're reading at all."

"Bertram, dear," Mary started, pursing her lips, "I think you should think very carefully about what you're going to say next."

"Don't be such a spoilsport, honey. I was just joking!"

"Well, it wouldn't kill you to be a little nicer, you know. I'm so tired of having to defend you in front of my friends all the time."

"Ah! I _knew_ they didn't like me!"

"Well… maybe they're right." Mary shook her head. "Look, I don't want to fight, Bertram. I'll just head back to the castle, okay?"

Shrugging, he said, "Suits me."

"I'll see you later."

Then, for the first time in what felt like forever, Mary turned her back to Bertram and began walking. It was cold and so, even though the trip to the castle was a short one, Mary decided to take a carriage. She stepped inside and the carriage was just about to leave, when Susan and James swooped in.

"Do you mind sharing?" Susan asked.

"Not at all!" It was true; Mary welcomed the company. She was prone to reflection when in solitude and Mary didn't feel like thinking. "How was your date?"

"It was lovely. James here decided to bother Lily and Victor back at the Three Broomsticks, but they didn't seem to mind," she said, coaxing a laugh out of her boyfriend, who put his arm around Susan's petite frame and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. For Mary, it was just short of bittersweet. "How was yours?"

"It was fine." Desperate to change the subject, she added, "Marlene came with Lucinda and Bertha. Have you seen Sirius and the lot?"

"Actually, they've been uncharacteristically quiet today."

"Suspicious," said Mary, which prompted James to nod.

"Very. It almost makes me scared of what they might come up with."

"It can't possibly be worse than that time back in fifth year. Sirius was in detention for a full three months!" responded Susan.

A dark look passed over James' face and Mary felt the atmosphere shift.

"No," he said. "It can't be."

* * *

Despite it being quite early, it was already extremely dark outside, and so the professors urged the students to return to the castle. Never had the security measures been as tight as they were that year; earlier curfews, chaperoned Hogsmeade visits, you name it.

They were back on the school grounds now and, with a knowing glance, Bertha had swept ahead of the other two back to the Hufflepuff common room. Lucinda and Marlene were walking through one of the many, many corridors on the lower floor, because for some weird reason – _chivalry_ , according to Marlene – the Gryffindor insisted on walking Lucinda back to her common room.

It was only when they arrived at the entrance to the Slytherin Dungeon that Lucinda _really_ registered just how good Marlene's skin looked under the dim lights of the corridor.

(Of course, she'd noticed that already, but she was actively trying to repress it. The back of her mind had turned into an archive of interesting facts about _McKinnon, Marlene_.)

The two of them stood in silence, facing each other, without knowing the proper way to say goodbye. Then, Lucinda noticed Marlene glance at her lips. After a split second of consideration, she made up her mind that she would kiss Marlene, once and for all.

And then, Marlene kissed _her._

* * *

Marlene stood there, completely dumbfounded, eyes wide open and lips parted. She was just about to regret it when she felt soft, warm lips touch hers again.

Lucinda kissed her until her mouth was sore. She pulled back and Marlene reached out, capturing her lips between her own once more. Marlene's hands were everywhere; on Lucinda's hips, in her hair, on her back, everywhere. They didn't kiss like they wanted to, they kissed like they _needed_ too, like kissing was all they knew how to do.

Marlene didn't think about what it would mean, about what would happen once she returned to her dorm. All she thought about was Lucinda. It was like she was filling every available space, in her head and in her heart, until there wasn't room for anything else.

"What are we doing?"

Marlene shrugged. "I don't know."

"I thought you were straight."

"What gave you that impression?"

"I've never seen you with a girl."

"Well, that means shit. I don't go about and flaunt my sexuality. If people ask me whether I like girls or not, I'll tell them. I don't need to shout it from the top of the Quidditch pitch for my feelings to be valid."

"I know."

"So could you please- _please,_ go back to kissing me?" She did. After a few seconds, Marlene pulled away, _just_ a tad, to mouth "Thanks" into Lucinda's lips.

* * *

(Contemplation, meditation, all that jive)

She was sitting atop the Astronomy tower, with her feet dangling over the ledge, and clutching a bottle of amber liquid in one of her hands.

"The Astronomy Tower," she heard someone say. "Probably not the best place for drinking."

Mary didn't bother turning around to look at the person, as she already recognized the voice; it was Remus.

"Hello, Remus." She wasn't drunk. In fact, the alcohol seemed to be in her hand more for show than for consumption. "What brings you here?"

"Rounds. You?"

"Oh, you know. Looking at the stars. The moon's almost full." When he didn't reply, Mary added, "Do you ever come here outside of patrolling?"

For just a few seconds, Remus paused to think. After that, he took a step forward and sat next to Mary, feet dangling over the railings.

"I come here to think."

"It's nice. Quiet, quieter than my head. Makes us feel smaller than what we are." The pair sat in silence for a while, until Mary said, "Bertram doesn't love me."

"What?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head, just the tiniest bit.

"He doesn't. What he really likes is having a girlfriend. A pretty thing to parade around with. Not me. I'm too tall, and too feminine, and I prefer magazines to novels. I'm the shiny new toy he shows off to his friends. Fun for a while, but he'll get bored of me eventually."

"Don't say that."

"No, Remus, it's the truth. And I don't love him, either. I thought I did, though."

"Why are you together, then?"

"I don't like being by myself. My thoughts get too loud."

At first, Remus did not respond, but that didn't frighten Mary. In a way, the silence was comforting. She was just getting used to it, when he replied.

"I don't like being by myself, either."

* * *

 **A/N:** Once again! Happy holidays everyone! Don't forget to tell me what you thought of it! I'm super excited to see everyone's response to this chapter x


	10. Shake, Bend and Break

**A/N:** Hello, everyone! Long time no see, eh? *hides away from angry readers*. I'm really sorry that i haven't posted in a while. And yes, I find it ironic - is ironic the right word? Probably not - that it's nearly Valentine's day, and yet in this story, the lot of them are still stuck in December.

Anyhow, I wish all of you a very happy February, and I hope that you won't murder me if I take another two months to post a new chapter. It's midterms season and I can feel myself slowly descending into insanity.

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Special thanks to Chloe for giving me some much needed goat-loving-inspiration.

 **Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be typing this from my living room, but yes from a yacht.**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine**

Or

 _Shake, Bend and Break_

* * *

(December sixth)

"This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous plan you've ever come up with." Then, breaking into a grin, James added, "Of course I'm in."

"It'll be brilliant," agreed Peter.

"Well, let's go, then."

"Are we actually doing this? Are we _really_ going to pull this off?"

"We always do," Sirius assured Remus. "Plus, Aberforth _loves_ us."

* * *

At last, the holidays were less than a week away. And it was just as well; both the students and the professors were exhausted, as it had been a very tiring term. The grounds were coated in thick layers of snow, and it was too cold to even consider going outside.

That particular Thursday morning, during Transfiguration class, Professor McGonagall decided it would probably be best to double-check if the students who had signed up to go home during the holidays still wished to do so.

She'd just taken a scroll out of her desk drawer when someone screamed. With her wand at the ready, she quickly hurried over to the door, but when she opened it, she was greeted with, not one, not two, but dozens upon dozens of-

"Are those _goats_?" someone asked.

Two or three managed to make their way inside the classroom and, after Elizabeth's shrill cry, the students – on Thursdays, Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs always had their Transfiguration classes separately – promptly flooded out of the room.

It was a good thing, Lily realised, that none of the Marauders had come to class that day.

* * *

It took the Hogwarts staff over two hours to control what would soon become known as _'The Great Goat Incident of '76'._

The Marauders were nowhere to be seen, though at some point during lunch Peter Pettigrew had emerged from _Merlin-knows-where_ to get the lot of them some food. Lily simply rolled her eyes; as if they didn't know their way to the kitchens. They'd probably just sent poor Peter into the Great Hall for the thrill of it.

For all it was worth, however, classes had been cancelled that morning, especially after a particularly angry buck nearly trampled Professor Flitwick, who had been teaching the sixth year Slytherin and Ravenclaw students. Furthermore, in the Hufflepuff classroom, one of the goats had chewed off the back of Ralph Stebbins' trousers, and Bertha Jorkins had laughed so hard that she'd fallen out of her chair, earning herself a trip to the infirmary.

Luckily, Lily's only class that afternoon was Ancient Studies, and perhaps because it was an elective, and there were only a few days until the holidays, Professor Hurst had allowed for the class to leave earlier than usual. Thus, she was able to have supper quite early in the evening and so, by the time eight o'clock rolled around, she was already in Gryffindor tower, curled up in one of the armchairs near the fireplace.

She was flipping through one of her most beloved romance novels, when she heard Mary Macdonald's voice.

"Where did they even get the goats? And _how_ did they get _so many_?"

"And to get away with it, as well!" replied Elizabeth Vane, sitting down on the sofa on Lily's left side.

"Hello, girls," Lily greeted.

"Hi, Lily," Elizabeth replied, shooting a smile Lily's way.

"Hey," was Mary's response. Turning back to Elizabeth, she added, "It's not as though the teachers had _proof._ "

Cracking open the latest issue of Witch Weekly, Elizabeth argued, "Still, setting over one hundred goats loose inside the castle? It's got _'Marauders'_ written all over it."

Lily simply shrugged. "Leave it to the lot of them to be able to pull this off."

"Where did you get that?" asked Mary, nodding to Elizabeth's magazine.

"Oh, I got it when we went to Hogsmeade. It's such a shame that they've stopped owl deliveries, isn't it? Anyway, I thought _for sure_ you'd have gotten a copy for yourself."

"Hmm, yeah… didn't really get the chance," Mary hummed. "Scoot over, I wanna see."

"Can you _believe_ Celestina Warbeck's son just got _married_? Doesn't time fly?"

"Perpetua Wiblin? I've never heard of her. Very pretty, though, I'll give him that."

"I know, right? Her robes are positively gorgeous! And lovely hair, as well. It reminds me of Farrah Fawcett's."

"Who?" asked Elizabeth.

Mary simply shook her head. "Never mind. Muggle actress."

"Ah," Elizabeth nodded.

"Wait," questioned Lily, "I thought you were halfblood?"

Elizabeth sighed. "Mum is… complicated. Likes to pretend we're purebloods. It's actually quite annoying. At least I'll have Susan with me this Christmas to act as a buffer."

"I get what you mean. My sister's similar…" Straightening up, Lily asked, "Speaking of which, have you seen Susan? McGonagall wanted me to speak with her."

"The last time we spoke she was heading out to practice."

Lily stood up instantly. "Right. I best be going then."

She made for the portrait, intent on marching to the pitch and speaking with Susan as soon as she possibly could, and so she would have, had Mary not called after her, "Lily, dear, you're in your pyjamas."

Heat rising to her cheeks, colouring them a particular shade of red, Lily reluctantly sat back down. "Oh, yeah. Whoops."

"Is it terribly urgent?" Elizabeth asked.

"Not at all. I'll just speak to her tomorrow."

* * *

At around six o'clock that evening, the Gryffindor team's Quidditch practice was cut short by a sullen-looking Professor McGonagall.

She'd walked right into the middle of the pitch and, casting a _Sonorus_ charm on herself, called Sirius Black into her office, who, along with Susan Adams, was watching from the stands.

This alone wouldn't have interfered with practice too much. Who _really_ put a stop to it was James Potter, who had noticed that the Headmistress had just called his best mate – who was on _probation_ – into her office the same day of a prank, and had done the maths.

He was on the ground in less than a minute, but Sirius and McGonagall were gone by then.

* * *

The walk to the Transfiguration professor's study was a silent one. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but Sirius' previous visits to McGonagall's office that year had had less than stellar backstories behind them, and so it was only natural that he felt the jitters.

The look on her face was as stoic as ever, and so there were nothing for Sirius to discern from her behaviour _._ The only possible motive was the goats but, if that was the case, he couldn't help but wonder, why the wait? In spite of the scolding that was undoubtedly coming his way, however, Sirius could not control himself, and he was certain that when the time came, he'd make a proper spectacle of himself.

Professor McGonagall unlocked the door and, sitting down in her emerald velvet chair, she declared, "Mr. Black, you might be wondering what brings you here."

"Not at all. I know how delightful you find my company and so, naturally, I simply assumed that you missed me."

Instead of tensing her lips into a nearly invisible line as Sirius had expected she would, the Gryffindor Head of House looked down and sighed.

"I'm afraid that is not the case, Mr. Black."

"What is it, then?"

"A letter arrived today from the Ministry. It appears that your uncle Alphard has passed away," she said, handing him a sealed envelope. "This came attached."

Taking the letter from her hands, Sirius tore the seal and read:

 _This is the last will and testament of Alphard Cepheus Black._

 _[…]_

 _To Sirius Orion Black, I leave half of my monetary estate, consisting of two hundred eighty-three thousand galleons, to be paid to him on my death, with all of my love to my honourable and deserving nephew. Look after Andromeda for me, will you?"_

Trying not to choke on his words, Sirius simply replied, "Thank you."

"I'm very sorry for your loss."

Sirius nodded. "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, you may go down for supper. I've heard from a very good source that there'll be steak and kidney pies today. I know that you are rather partial to them."

"Yes, Professor."

"Professor Slughorn will have spoken with Regulus by now. You'd do best avoiding the Dungeons for a while," she warned him with a knowing look. "Oh, and Sirius?"

"Yes, Professor?"

"Do try and assert some control over Potter. And please, tell your friends that Professor Fraser has found a goat in the Astronomy Tower, will you?"

* * *

When Sirius left the Deputy Headmistress' office, James Potter was waiting by the door with his arms crossed in front of his chest, his face twisted into a painful-looking expression. He was tapping his foot incessantly, as though he felt the need to pace around for a while, but didn't want to leave his spot.

Finally noticing his best mate, he demanded, "So? What did she say to you?"

"Oh," started Sirius, "it's just that-"

James turned back to the now closed door, "Actually, let me speak with her myself-"

"There's no need for that, Prongs-"

" _No_ , Padfoot, if she's called you up because of the goats, then you best believe that I'll march in there _myself_ -"

"No! Prongs-"

"I mean, just because you fucked up last year doesn't mean-"

"PRONGS!" shouted Sirius, finally raising his voice.

"What?"

"It wasn't about the fucking goats, all right?"

James stopped in his tracks. "It wasn't?"

"No," clarified Sirius, shaking his head. "Uncle Alphard's dead."

"Oh." Rubbing the back of his neck, James added, "I'm… sorry?"

"Yeah. It's not like we were close or anything, but he was one of the good ones, you know? Not like me or 'Meda, he always kept more to himself, but still. I reckon Mum'll have had him blasted off the family tree by now."

"Why did Minnie need to talk to you about it, though?" asked James, lifting his right hand to his hair.

In response, Sirius simply handed James the folded piece of parchment. He quickly opened the page and read, eyes quickly darting from one side of the letter to the other.

Once he finished, his only response was a quiet "wow."

"Wow," Sirius agreed. "Are you hungry?"

"Definitely."

"Kitchens?"

" _Yes._ Moony and Wormtail can meet us there. _"_

* * *

Once Susan finally appeared in the girl's dormitory, it was long past curfew.

"Where have you been?" Elizabeth hissed, trying her best not to wake the other girls, who by then were fast asleep – well, except Marlene, who was stuck in her own continuous loop of daydreaming.

"I was with James."

"We were worried. And Lily needs to speak with you."

"I'm fine, Lizzy." She gathered her things and started getting ready for bed. "Did she say why?"

"Something to do with McGonagall? I don't know, she said it wasn't, you know, _super_ urgent or anything. And we're right to be concerned. Have you forgotten about that girl, Cassie? Or about what happened to Mary last year?"

"You're right," Susan sighed.

"Is everything all right?" Elizabeth asked, sitting cross-legged on her four-poster. "You seem a bit down."

"Oh, I don't know," she admitted, sitting down on the edge of Elizabeth's bed. "I was at the pitch, you know, watching practice, and everything was going perfectly fine, but when Professor McGonagall came along and took Sirius Black to her office, James put a stop to the whole thing and came sprinting inside.

"I know we haven't been together long, but it would be nice to get a warning every once in a while, to know what's going on with him," she added in a quieter voice.

"Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Susan grimaced. "What do you think we were doing just now?"

Elizabeth nodded in acknowledgment. "Well… How did it go?"

"Surprisingly well, actually. He apologised and promised to try to be more careful. I guess that's all I can really ask of him, isn't it?" wondered Susan, rising from her best mate's bed.

"I suppose so."

Then, finally lying down in her own four-poster, she added, "Sleep well, Lizzy."

"You too."

* * *

(The last day)

It was a Wednesday, more precisely Wednesday the twenty-second of December. In just under thirty minutes, the Hogwarts Express would be leaving the Hogsmeade station, headed for London, and Marlene was late. Instead of being at the platform, she was hidden inside an abandoned classroom on the first floor.

When Lucinda Talkalot walked in and noticed Marlene, she asked, with a confused look in her eyes but a smile on her face, "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to say goodbye. The train will be leaving shortly, and I really should be out of here by now, but I wanted to see you."

"Oh. You didn't have to, you know-"

"I've already told you, I _wanted_ to," interrupted Marlene, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Lucinda's ear. "I wish you'd decided to come home this Christmas," she said in between kisses. "It'll be a long train ride without you there."

"Well," replied Lucinda, "you'll have your friends to distract you. And I'll be here once you get back."

"It won't be the same, though."

"I'll be thinking of you," replied Lucinda.

"As will I."

"Happy holidays, love."

"You too, dear. I'll see you in two weeks."

* * *

The train ride back to London was uncharacteristically quiet, as James spent much of it with his girlfriend, Susan.

Remus, Peter and Sirius decided to play Exploding Snap but, after a few matches, the group got bored of it, and instead wandered over to Lily, Marlene and Mary's compartment, where they spent the rest of the journey. Elizabeth was there, as well, chatting animatedly once again about how excited she was that Susan would be spending the holidays with her.

It was nearly six o'clock in the evening when the Hogwarts Express arrived at King's Cross. The sun had set long ago, and the station was exceptionally busy, forcing Lily to walk along the platform with her eyes squinted, trying to properly see through the smoke and the dust.

After fiddling with their trunks for a while, the group finally made it on to the platform. Susan and James slipped away for a moment to say their goodbyes to each other in private and, with the promise of meeting up during the holidays, she then left with Elizabeth's family to the Vane's household in Leeds.

"Have any of you seen Mary?" Lily asked, standing on the tips of her toes, looking into the crowd. "I wanted to say goodbye."

"She was _just_ here," someone said.

"I think she was speaking with Bertram? It didn't look so good," replied Remus.

"What about Marlene?" Lily paused. "Why are all of my friends _deserting_ me?"

"I reckon it's your terrible temper," replied Sirius. "Just puts 'em right off."

"But still… _All_ of them, Evans? That's quite harsh. I feel wounded," said James, clutching at his chest.

"Oh, we're not friends, Potter. You're my… agonizing associate."

"Lovely alliteration there," James quipped.

"I do try, thank you," replied Lily, seemingly pleased with herself.

Then her eyes widened, and a smile stretched across her lips. "There you are!"

"Did you miss me?" asked Marlene.

"Have you seen Mary anywhere?"

"I have, actually," Marlene replied, lazily pulling her hair into a ponytail. "She wasn't feeling too well, and her dad was already waiting for her, so she asked me to wish all of you happy holidays for her."

"Thanks. I'll give her a call once I get home. Are you heading off, as well?"

"My sister's expecting me. Let me tell you, I am _not_ looking forward to side-along Apparition with her. I always get sick."

"Oh, is Catherine here? Say hello to me for her, won't you, Mar?"

"Of course. I'll see you in a few days?"

"Most definitely! I'll call you after I speak with Mary."

The two hugged and, after saying goodbye to the remaining Gryffindors, Marlene finally left.

Shortly after, Peter's mother came to pick him up, and Remus took another train to Cardiff, where his parents would undoubtedly be waiting for him. It appeared that every single one of Lily's classmates had come home for the holidays but, funnily enough, she hadn't seen any of the upperclassmen Slytherins on the train.

"James!" Sirius shouted. "Mum and Dad are here. D'you want me to ask them to wait a little longer?"

"If you don't mind."

"Will do." Walking over to Lily and pulling her into a tight embrace, Sirius whispered in her ear, "Look after Prongs, will you? Otherwise he'll probably run off after some shiny object."

In response, Lily simply burst out laughing, which seemed to attract James' attention. "What are you two laughing at?"

"Nothing at all," replied Sirius in a smooth voice. "Merry Christmas, Lily… send my regards to Petunia."

"I will, Sirius. Be good."

Sirius merely replied with a wink, "Always."

As Sirius slinked away, heading to meet Mr. and Mrs. Potter outside Kings Cross, James and Lily were the only two Gryffindor sixth years left on the platform.

"Should you not be heading home?" Lily asked.

"It wouldn't be very gentlemanly of me to leave you here by yourself, would it? Besides," he added, looking around the platform, "I have a feeling your sister'll have a field day over this."

With a grimace, Lily replied, "Shit, is Petunia here already?"

And so she was. With her face scrunched up, as though disgusted by the whole affair, Petunia Evans stood next to the barrier between Platforms Nine and Ten, tapping her foot on the floor and staring at her wristwatch. _That_ was the one reason why Lily wasn't excited about the holidays. She sighed. At least in two weeks she'd be back at Hogwarts.

"I'm really sorry but I've got to go, Potter. She'll murder me otherwise."

James nodded in understanding.

"Let's meet up over the holidays."

"Yes, let's do that." Then, Lily took a step forward and hooked her arms around James' neck. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Lily."

With a smile on her face, and preparing herself for the worst, Lily turned around and, as James returned to his family, she walked over to where her sister was standing.

"Hello, Petunia."

"Lily," she nodded. "It was about time. Mum had some work thing and so she needed me to pick you up. Vernon's waiting in the car."

Lily sighed. "So you're still dating him, huh?"

"Yes, of course, " Petunia replied proudly. "We're serious."

"Why, Tuney?"

"Oh, be quiet." Then, after a few moments of, in Lily's opinion, blissful silence, Petunia asked, "Was that your boyfriend?"

"Of course not, Tuney. I think I'd choose one who'd know how to properly comb his hair, do you not?"

"Funny."

"I thought so, too."

"We're almost home. Try not to act normal, will you?" asked Petunia, scrunching up her nose. "I haven't told Vernon about your… freakish tendencies."

"Scared he'll dump you for it, are you?"

"Not at all, Vernon loves me. Just get in the car."

"Will do, sister dear. Hello, Vernon." Petunia's boyfriend simply grunted in response. It was going to be a long two weeks.

* * *

 **A/N:** As usual, please let me know what you thought of it and I will check back in (hopefully) less than two months. I make no promises, though. x


	11. Merry-Go-Round

**A/N:** How spot on was I when I mentioned a two-month long wait in between chapters? Should we be shooting for the third-month mark?

Anyway, my snail's pace aside, I'm really excited for all of you to read this - the reason will become apparent in no time, I promise. If you celebrate it, happy Easter, and if you don't, happy April. It was my birthday month and so I'm pretty excited about it, ha. x

P.S.: Thank you, Charlotte, for your tireless editing. You're the brightest star in the whole sky.

 **Disclaimer: I own 0 (zero) things.**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

Or

 _Merry-Go-Round / One of Those Nights_

* * *

Christmas holidays passed as they usually did with turkey for Christmas dinner, Petunia's entertaining commentary and a drunk Uncle Walter shouting at the telly. They'd already been back at Hogwarts for a full week, and yet Lily's mind remained in Cokeworth. Or, at least, that's what she told herself.

In reality, the things she could not, for the love of anything, stop thinking about were things that had indeed happened over break, but not in her hometown. As usual, James Potter was the one stuck in her brain because he really was a confusing creature, wandering around with his lopsided grin and crooked glasses, strutting like he owned the bloody place.

She had met up with her friends on the twenty-third, and it had been inside a slightly chilly Leaky Cauldron that Mary had told them that she'd broken things off with Bertram.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Marlene had sighed, causing Lily to whack her on the arm. "I'm sorry, Mary. It's just that… well, he's a dick. And you deserve better."

"I know," replied Mary. She twizzled the yellow straw between her thumb and her forefinger and, looking down, she added "Took me long enough to realise, eh?"

"Getting out of a rubbish relationship is always hard, Mary. Please don't beat yourself up about it," assured Lily, placing a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Thank you, girls."

That had been sound advice. Solid, non-offensive, and supportive.

She should have quit while she was ahead.

"Besides," Lily added, staring out of the fogged up window, "you deserve someone who looks at you like you're the most important person in the whole room."

"Like you look at James?" asked Mary with a sad voice.

"That makes no sense, whatsoever," countered Lily. She remembered how fast her heart had been beating and the massive effort that she'd put into not turning completely red. "It's actually quite ridiculous, if you ask _me_ -"

"Ah!" panted Marlene, a dangerous smirk on her lips. "It makes _total_ sense, Lily."

And so it started. The insufferable merry-go-round of emotions that would not leave her alone.

* * *

By December twenty-seventh, Lily was well shot of being home. She loved her mother dearly, but her sister's presence, along with all the childhood memories, had made her short stay in Cokeworth a somewhat bittersweet affair.

Because it was such a small town, there wasn't _really_ that much to do. Lily had never had that problem when she was younger, but now that her relationship with Petunia was stiffer than she'd like, and Snape wasn't an ally anymore, the only thing left for Lily to do in Cokeworth was to daydream.

It didn't take long for Lily to become _bored_ of it. Because, really, what was there for her think about?

Certainly not school. It was the holidays! And, besides, thanks to her mother's incessant nit-picking, she'd already gotten through all of her homework. To be fair, Lily didn't mind it all that much. Throwing herself into her work, practically _burying_ her head in essays, was the only way to keep Lily's mind out of places she didn't want it to go to.

Apart from her homework, it seemed as though not one topic was safe from Lily's tireless scrutiny. And, as it turns out, all the roads didn't lead to Rome, they led to James sodding Potter.

If only she could get out of the _house._ And with proper reason, too. One more pointless trip to the supermarket or the local stationery shop would be one too many.

It was after lunch when she heard an owl arrive at her house.

The bird was large and majestic looking, and she recognized it at once because it belonged to James Potter (of _course_ it did), and Lily had gotten quite familiar with it over the summer.

The handwriting was messy and some things had been scribbled out but, in the end, the letter read:

" _Deer Lily (yes, that was on purpose),_

 _I hope you had a nice Christmas. Sirius ate all my pudding, which I wasn't surprised by, but it was still right annoying._

 _The boys and I are having a get together on New Year's Eve. I've spoken to Mary and Marlene, and Lizzy and Susan are coming too. You're the only one missing, so what do you say? Marlene will know how to get here._

 _I'll see you in a few days,_

 _James."_

It seemed there was someone looking out for her after all, Lily thought, smiling to herself as a _real_ way out of the house presented itself to her.

If only she could ignore the way her stomach would (extremely annoyingly, might she had) do somersaults inside her body every time someone as much _mentioned_ Quidditch. She wouldn't go as far as to say that she _fancied_ him or anything, but… he was obnoxiously present. James Potter vexed her immensely and, yet, at the present time Lily couldn't help but feel insanely grateful for his existence.

* * *

She reached out to Marlene and, after a very lengthy phone call, discussing the logistics of the thing – and much, much more - they settled on taking the Knight Bus. To put it lightly, Lily wasn't pleased. It seemed as though the only thing she and her sister had in common was their ability to get carsick.

The three of them got to James Potter's house – although it looked more like a mansion – at nine in the evening. The sun had set long ago and, surprisingly, it wasn't that cold a night.

Despite the insufferable prat that lived inside, Lily had to admit that it was a lovely home. Although it was large, it didn't lack the distinct warmth that was so characteristic of smaller and cosier abodes. The moonlight shone bright above it, and the house itself was decorated to the brim, with lights strung all over the outside walls and a large wreath hanging on the door.

Marlene rang the doorbell and almost immediately the three of them were greeted by a short woman, with a round figure and a warm smile.

"Marlene! It's so lovely to see you again."

"You too, Mrs. Potter."

"And you must be Mary and Lily," Mrs. Potter added, her eyes glinting. "Oh, I'm sorry, come in."

"Thank you," replied Mary, smiling.

When Lily didn't say anything – her vision was a bit blurry and her head hadn't really stopped spinning yet – Mrs. Potter placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and asked, "Are you all right, dear? You look a bit ill."

"We took the Knight Bus," Marlene explained, reaching up to tighten her ponytail.

"Ah," said Mrs. Potter, nodding in understanding. "Come in, I'll get you some tea."

"Thank you," Lily finally croaked out.

"It's no trouble, honey," Mrs. Potter assured her, one hand on Lily's back. "You can have a little rest in the library."

Nearly thirty minutes had passed since they'd arrived and, despite feeling guilty that she hadn't greeted anyone else yet, Lily had to admit that she felt better. She suspected James' dad had something to do with it, and made a mental note to thank him later.

Lily's eyes drooped closed once more but, just before she fell back to sleep on the sofa, Lily noticed the all too familiar sound of James Potter's footsteps approaching.

"You look terrible," he stated.

"Thanks," Lily deadpanned, not even bothering to push the flyaways off her sweaty forehead. "I think your dad spiked my tea."

"It sounds like him," James nodded. "Are you feeling better though?"

"Yeah…"

"How were your holidays?" he asked, probably in a desperate attempt to avoid the awkward silences which he seemed to dread so much.

"Oh, fantastic," Lily snorted. "Presents, terrible weather and my horse of a sister, you know, the usual. Yours?"

"Pretty much the same, except, you know, minus the sister."

"Lucky," Lily responded dryly. After a moment of consideration, she shook her head and, scooting to one end of the couch, said, "That was rude, I'm sorry. Do you want to sit?"

James laughed in response and, after having properly settled down, he answered, "Well, I have Sirius, so who's really winning?"

"You, I assure you."

"The pair of you should elope, you know," suggested James, lifting his hand to mess up his hair, a habit of his Lily was becoming increasingly fond of. "It'd shock Hogwarts."

"Ah, yes," Lily closed her eyes, mostly because she was tired, but also so she wouldn't have to look at James' Adam's apple bobbing up and down while he spoke. "Evans and Black. The Mudblood-"

"Don't say that word," interrupted James, with his jaw clenched.

"Right. Sorry."

James scoffed. "For the love of _Merlin_ , don't apologize, Evans."

"How's the party?" asked Lily, trying to diffuse the tension and, above all, to avoid looking at the young man sitting dangerously close to her.

"In full swing. You're definitely missing out."

"I don't know why you're here and not there, then."

"Because I'm a gentleman. Also, because Mum would have offed me if I hadn't come to check on you. And I was worried."

 _Aw._

"Well, you shouldn't be," she assured him. "I'm good. Really."

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Evans?" James joked.

"I actually wasn't, which is shocking, I _know_. I just feel guilty that you're here, stuck with me, instead of being back in there with your mates and girlfriend."

"Well… we're mates, right?"

"Yes," replied Lily, as though it was obvious (which it totally was, but she knew James' mind didn't always work the same as hers).

"Then I _am_ with mates. Well, one mate. You. Because we're mates."

"Stop rambling, Potter. I'm _fine._ "

"Come back to the party?" James pleaded. "Sirius is pissed that you haven't said hi to him yet."

"For Sirius, then," replied Lily, slowly slipping herself off the entirely-too-comfortable velvety sofa.

"This whole conversation made zero sense, Evans. I think Dad _did_ put a little too much Calming Draught in your tea. It's making you loopy," said James, wearing one of his brightest smiles as the two of them made their way down the corridor.

"All the best conversations do, James."

Lily would never have noticed the way James had turned uncharacteristically quiet, had he not downright _stopped_ in his tracks, staring at her like she'd grown two heads or something equally ridiculous.

"You called me James."

"I did," Lily nodded, as though he was mental – which, to be fair, he was a little.

"But you never call me James!"

"Well, you aren't usually this nice."

"Something to work on…"

"You could always make it your New Year's Resolution," she quipped.

"Right."

Lily waited for about half a second for him to keep walking – she'd never claimed to be _patient_ – and, when James didn't budge, she finally asked, "Well, are you coming?"

* * *

The party itself was being held in the living room. Things didn't usually work out that way, as James' parents often had company over, but it seemed as though this year it was different – hence, the slightly more public get-together.

The living room was actually quite nice, large but still cosy. The fireplace was lit and the whole room felt warm and inviting. Sirius was sprawled over one of the sofas – the inconsiderate arse – with Remus graciously sitting on top of his calves. On the other couch, sat Peter, discussing something or the other with Elizabeth and Marlene, and on the armchair closest to the fire was Mary, expertly braiding Susan's hair.

"Hey!" greeted Susan from her spot on the carpeted floor, practically purring from the way Mary's fingers threaded so skilfully through her hair.

"Annnnd she returns!" said Marlene, opening up her arms and bowing.

"Yes, yes. I know how much you've all missed me. Though, I will say, I had expected a whole parade thrown in my honour. I feel like you've done me a disservice," said Lily, laughing.

"See? She's acting loopy."

"Shut up, Potter," bantered Lily, crossing her arms. "So, what did I miss?" she asked, lazily throwing herself on top of Marlene.

"Well, Peter's only had about two sips of Butterbeer but he's completely knackered already," teased Sirius.

"That's _not_ true! Prongs is the lightweight here."

"I'm formally removing myself from this conversation," James interjected.

"Come on, don't be such a spoilsport, Potter!" cackled Lily. "Sit down, have a drink."

"I think I liked you better when you were sick," he replied, taking the pillow from behind Sirius' back and sitting next to his girlfriend.

For hours, the group was gathered on the multiple couches and armchairs, passing bottles of Butterbeer among each other and munching on Mrs. Potter's homemade treacle tarts. At one point during the evening, Peter had gone the kitchen to gather more snacks, and Mary had taken a quick phone call from her mother.

The end of 1976 came more suddenly than she would have liked and then, to Lily, everything appeared to be moving in slow motion. Just as she had once watched the grown-ups do at her house when she was a child, she watched her friends raise their glasses as they counted down the seconds until the new year.

 _Twelve_. Mary, who wore on her lips the brightest smile Lily had seen in _weeks_.

 _Eleven_. Marlene, looping one of her arms through Elizabeth's.

 _Ten_. Remus and Peter, with their flushed cheeks and fluffy hair, looking the happiest she'd seen them look in a long while.

 _Nine_. Sirius, with his hair perfectly tousled, not too much but _just enough_ , letting out the loudest bark of laughter she'd heard in quite some time.

 _Eight_. Susan, holding James' hand, the two of them looking like stars, lighting up the universe.

"Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one- Happy New Year!"

When the grandfather clock struck midnight and the lot of them finally clinked their raised glasses, one could hear Euphemia Potter's pleading for James to _kiss the girl, for crying out loud!_

 _Oh no_ , Lily thought. What terrible timing for such realisations.

She needed some fresh air.

* * *

(A few hours before)

"I'm nervous, James," Susan confessed, twirling a loose strand of hair around her finger as the pair made their way to James' front porch.

"Why is that?" he asked, tapping his left foot on the paving over and over.

"Meeting the parents," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, trust me, love, there's no need to worry. Dad's really not that intimidating and Mum stopped caring ages ago."

"Still! I want to make a good impression, you know?" she countered, smoothing her cream skirt. James assured her that she would be fine and, smiling brightly at her boyfriend, she thanked him with a peck on the cheek. "Distract me a little."

"Oh, okay. Hm…" started James, running one hand through his permanently messy mop of dark hair. "It's rubbish that we're almost back at school, isn't it? I still haven't even _looked_ at all the homework McGee assigned us… I never really do though… The boys and I just do it all on the train ride back to Hogwarts. And now I'm rambling. If rambling is even a word…"

"I think you're more nervous than me, honey. Breathe," Susan pleaded, running a comforting hand up and down James' right arm. "Besides, personally, I'm really not looking forward to going back to school."

"Why not?"

"I'm failing History of Magic," Susan said, fiddling with the edge of her periwinkle knitted jumper. "Professor McGonagall's assigned me a tutor-"

"But that's good, right?" asked James, pulling Susan in for a one-armed hug.

"Not when said tutor is Bertha Jorkins, it's not."

James winced. "Ouch."

"Ouch sounds about right, yes."

"I could help you with it, you know."

"You don't even take that class anymore. I appreciate it, James, I really do, but you really mustn't worry about that. Failing a class is not the end of the world. Besides, it's her job as a Prefect to tutor other pupils in the first place. I'll just have to suck it up and deal with it."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologise, love. I'll just try not to get killed in the meantime."

"Jorkins is not going to _kill_ you," said James, rolling his eyes.

A painful grimace stretched out across Susan's lips. "She might. If looks could kill, you know what they say…"

"On the bright side, though," started James, "it might actually be fun. You know how she is, she probably knows all the ancient gossip from back then. Like… that time Salazar Slytherin was so pissed that Godric Gryffindor had eaten his fruit salad that he ran away from the castle in his underwear."

"You're joking."

"Yes," James admitted. "But Jorkins won't joke around. She's a bit of a cow, but she knows things."

"You have a point, there," Susan conceded. "I feel much better about Charms, though. Lily promised she'd help me."

"Evans is tutoring?" asked James, painfully aware that his voice sounded one full octave too high.

"Yes… Is that a problem?"

"Of course not, she's brilliant. You'll be acing Flitwick's class in no time-"

Suddenly, the door opened.

"You must be Susan!" James' father exclaimed, hurrying the two of them inside. "James has told us so much about you."

"Please," James asked, looking gravely at Susan, "do _not_ listen to a word my dad says."

"Relax, son. It's not like we're about to show her your baby pictures." Then, scratching his chin, Mr. Potter added, "Although your mother would like that, so let's keep that idea between the three of us, okay?"

* * *

(Midnight)

Lily had not been absent for fifteen minutes before she was graced, once again, with James Potter's presence. Why on _Earth_ wouldn't the poor sod leave her _alone?_

Taking a swig of the bottle of his butterbeer, James said, "I've been thinking a lot."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," replied James, sitting down next to Lily on the front porch steps. "It's the new year, and so, I've been thinking… and I feel like I should apologize about Snape. And the whole thing that went down after the Defence O.W.L."

"You _have_ apologized about that," Lily huffed into her overgrown fringe.

"Yeah, but you weren't really in a place to listen then, were you?"

"I guess not," she mumbled, looking down.

"Well, I'm sorry. I wasn't always the nicest."

"No, you weren't."

"You must have hated me a lot, huh?"

Lily stood quietly for a moment and, having closed her eyes in thought for what felt like an eternity, she replied.

"I never hated you."

Lily was usually a fan of the quiet but, at moments like these, where the only audible sounds were the wind and James Potter swallowing, far too close to her, she would have much preferred being inside the noisy living room. It was her fault for having left in the first place.

In two days they'd be back at school. In constant and close proximity.

She still hadn't decided how she felt about that.

* * *

(Second Term)

Lily hadn't really slept that night. Or the next night.

She'd tossed and turned in her bed, incessantly flipping her pillow until even the cool side had become uncomfortably warm. She opened the window, the icy gust that followed making her teeth chatter, but at least it was better than the fuggy heat she had been stewing in when it had been closed. Her mother had even come up to her bedroom at around four in the morning with a cup of tea and some headache medicine.

Petunia was ringing in the new year with Vernon's family, and she had never wanted her sister at her side as much as she did in this moment. To be able to speak to a non-biased third party would be… invaluable.

The least she could do was try to get off the god damn boat. James was with Susan and he really was _happy_ , she could tell, and Susan deserved all the joy in the world… so who was she to get in the middle of that, to ruin it?

If only Mary had kept her mouth shut… then Lily could have continued living her life blissfully ignorant to her feelings… or at least keeping them firmly under control.

Lily couldn't say that she was all that surprised, though. It hadn't sneaked up on her, she had… tiptoed around it, stumbled upon it. It almost felt inevitable. And yet, Lily couldn't help but worry about how things would be the next day, once the lot of them took the train back to Hogwarts.

In all honesty, she'd rather be walking the plank.

* * *

 **A/N:** Here it is! Please don't forget to tell me what you thought of it. I guess we'll see each other in July, uh? (My sense of humour is terrible, I'm _so_ sorry that you have to put up with it. I really do mean well.) Should any question arise, I'm on tumblr at gxldentrio. x


	12. Lump In My Throat

**A/N:** At least it wasn't a three month wait? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! I'm definitely very excited to see your reaction to this chapter HA! Happy reading and I'll (hopefully) check back soon x

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not that any of you thought I did.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven**

Or

 _Lump In My Throat_

* * *

January brought with it some of the coldest weather Lily had ever seen, with exceedingly thick blankets of snow and downright Arctic wind.

This particular Saturday—and according to McGonagall, for the next few Saturdays to come—instead of being curled up in bed, like she would have much preferred, Lily was holed up in the school library.

She had Susan Adams for company and, while under normal circumstances that wouldn't be a problem, in light of recent developments, things had become extremely awkward. At least, they had for Lily.

Her teeth were chattering but she was also sweating, and it was all very uncomfortable.

Thankfully, Susan remained blissfully oblivious. Otherwise things would have been undoubtedly much more agonizing.

"I just… I don't understand them. How am I supposed to charm something without _saying_ the spell? Is my wand supposed to guess what I want, or what?"

Lily leaned back in her chair, lost in deep thought. She tried perusing her mountain of notes, flipping through the pages in her brain until she found an adequate explanation.

"It's sort of like Transfiguration," she started, "in the sense that it requires loads of concentration. Usually I can do charms without even thinking, but these gave me a little bit of trouble in the beginning, too. They're different from verbal spells, and so you have to go into it with a completely different mind-set. You have to focus really hard because, since you're not actually saying the spell, you've got to tell your wand what you want in another way, you know?"

Susan nodded in understanding. "That does make sense. Couldn't Professor Flitwick have told us that?"

"Probably," Lily shrugged. "But I guess it must be a sore spot for him, with it being so similar to a different class, you know?"

Susan smiled and turned to look Lily in the eye.

"I'm just so glad it's you, Lily. I don't know what I would have done if it had been Sirius." She widened her eyes and shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, he's—he's _brilliant_ when it comes to this stuff, I just don't think he likes me that much."

"Oh, Susan, I… um, I highly doubt that's the case…" Lily replied, fixing her gaze on the desk and trying to avoid the subject at all costs because, truthfully, it wasn't really something she found… _enjoyable_ to talk about.

"Why is he never around when I'm with James, then?" Susan continued, completely unaware of the awkward tension that had settled into Lily's shoulders.

"Well," she babbled on, her cheeks becoming dangerously close to her hair in colour, "you, you know Sirius. He's never been keen on sharing, has he?"

"Ha," replied Susan, throwing her head back in laughter. "You have a point there."

"I usually do, yes."

Susan sent a pearly white smile Lily's way and, once the former had turned her attention back to the Charms textbook, Lily was finally able to let go of the breath she'd been holding in.

It just proved Lily's point, really; the issue wasn't that she didn't like Susan. It was that she _did_ like her, and it made fancying James Potter all the more annoying.

* * *

(Slytherin versus Hufflepuff)

Marlene was _hot_ —sweating like hell. Hogwarts should really have invested in some Muggle air conditioning. Though it _was_ January and it _was_ snowing outside, so perhaps it was just her, and she should pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey. Mary had already been last week, actually.

Or maybe it was just her girlfriend, clad from head to toe in emerald green robes, with a broomstick between her legs (the irony of it all wasn't lost on her).

It was Slytherin versus Hufflepuff and Marlene felt like a traitor. If Hufflepuff won, it would definitely help Gryffindor's chances at winning the cup, but her girlfriend of six whole weeks –had it really only been that long?– was playing for the opposite team. Was it terrible that she was hoping for a tie?

Spirits were running high, Bertha Jorkins was positioned as commentator, and Marlene soon found herself caught up in all the nail-biting and profanity-shouting. In the end, however, Regulus Black was the one who caught the Snitch, and quite early on in the game too.

Sirius looked as though he'd seen a ghost and Marlene could _swear_ she'd seen tears in James' eyes. Slytherin and Gryffindor were now tied when it came to the cup but, if it meant Marlene would see Lucinda smiling like that again, she'd gladly take the loss.

* * *

Soon after the final whistle blew, and when she was certain that everyone else had already left, Marlene sneaked her way into the Slytherin locker room. When she got there, she was met with open arms and an even broader smile.

At the sight of her girlfriend, her lips started to stretch into a grin to match before they found themselves locked with Lucinda's. As soon as she tangled her fingers through her girlfriend's platinum hair, Marlene muttered, "Merlin, I've missed you."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh," Marlene sighed into Lucinda's mouth. "We went over to James' for New Year's Eve and I was totally bitter. Damn unfair, it was. Everyone cuddled up with each other while my girlfriend was back in Scotland."

"Everyone?"

"Just James and Susan, but _still,_ " Marlene explained, growing increasingly frustrated with her girlfriend's damn shirt that just would not. come. off.

Sensing that Marlene was struggling, Lucinda swiftly removed the silky blouse herself, throwing her head back in laughter.

"Fucking _finally._ "

Marlene's trail of kisses made their way down to Lucinda's collarbone, until the former noticed the nasty bruise that was mottling the entirety of Lucinda's left shoulder blade purple.

"Merlin's left tit, what is _that_?"

"What?"

"That… gash!"

"Oh," replied Lucinda, quickly pulling her collar back over it. "That's nothing."

Marlene scoffed. "That's _not_ nothing. Let me see," she added, reaching for Lucinda's arm, who flinched under her touch.

"It's fine!"

Marlene took a step back. "What aren't you telling me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"It's nothing, Marlene. Please drop it."

"Alright," she replied, unhappy but keen to avoid a massive fight. Marlene sighed. "You'd tell me if there was something going on though, right?"

"Of course, dear," Lucinda replied in a honeyed voice, unable to meet Marlene's eye.

The latter nodded in response, ashamed that she couldn't find it in her to believe her girlfriend. "Actually, I should get going. I have homework."

"Oh. Okay."

Marlene coughed a little and, after one more nod and a peck on the cheek, she left.

* * *

It was dark inside the Owlery and, even though Bertha was swaddled in at least four jumpers, Lucinda was not. She was already in a crappy mood and, to be perfectly honest, the cold wasn't helping. She only hoped Bertha didn't notice.

Except, of course she did.

"What's got your wand in a knot?"

At first, she didn't reply; it was only after Bertha quirked one of her bushy eyebrows at her and asked, " _Well?"_ that she mustered a response together.

"She saw it, Bertha."

Bertha didn't have to ask what _it_ was.

"Oh," she replied, getting uncharacteristically quiet. "What happened?"

"I told her it was nothing," replied Lucinda, pulling at her green tie. "Then she started pushing, so I snapped at her, and then she left. Everyone always fucking leaves."

Bertha sighed.

She sat down on the granite steps next to Lucinda and, wrapping one dark-skinned arm around her shoulders, she said, "Look… You know I don't exactly like her. I don't like _any_ of them. I think they're loud and unnecessarily obnoxious.

"But you clearly do, you do like her, and so you've got to decide if she's worth all the trouble because, if she is, then you've really got to tell her. If you want a shot at this working out, you have to trust her. Besides, I know she can take it. Have you forgotten who her best friend is?"

"That was tactless, Berth," replied Lucinda, at which Bertha merely shrugged and continued about fixing her ponytail. "But you're right."

"I usually am, yes. And you can't let him control your life, love. He can't hurt you anymore."

* * *

(Gryffindor versus Gryffindor)

Sometimes, Lily wished she wasn't a Muggle-born. Maybe then she wouldn't have this insatiable need to prove herself, to prove that, yes, she _did_ deserve to be at Hogwarts just as much as every classist, racist pureblood that she'd ever encountered did. Maybe then she wouldn't be practically asleep in the common room, her head buried in piles and piles of Ancient Runes notes.

It was after midnight when she noticed the Marauders coming through the Fat Lady portrait. Maybe if she turned her back and scooted to _just_ the right place, they wouldn't see her. It's not like she'd been avoiding Potter ever since they had returned from the holidays. If she left the room every time he came in, then that was just a coincidence.

"Evans?" _Of fucking course._

"Good evening, gentlemen," she answered, trying—and quite possibly failing—to exude an air of confidence and nonchalance.

"What are you doing up?" Remus asked, taking a look at James' wristwatch. "It's late."

"I could ask you the same question," she replied, not looking up from her stack of parchment.

"Kitchens," Sirius deadpanned, shrugging his shoulders. "You?"

Shifting a wad of Ancient Runes notes, Lily said, "Homework. Professor Hurst really laid it on thick this time."

If only they'd just _go away._

Peter coughed. "We're going to go up, is that all right, Prongs?"

"Yeah, you go ahead."

Sirius nodded and the rest of the Marauders tiptoed their way up to the Sixth Year boy's dormitory after him.

"It's okay, Potter, you don't have to—"

"Are you avoiding me?" he asked and his voice sounded so _small_ that Lily felt compelled to catch his eye.

"No!"

"Why are you avoiding me?" he pressed on, hands stuffed into the pockets of his trousers. Feeling like a complete fool, Lily couldn't help but notice how _fine_ he looked, with his tie loose around his neck and glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose.

"I'm not. I swear." After making room on the sofa, Lily added, "Knock yourself out, I guess."

"Thanks," Potter replied, sitting down.

And so the undeniably familiar feeling of guilt came back to her, trickling its way down Lily's throat and settling uncomfortably in her stomach. The truth was she _had_ been avoiding him because, even though she hadn't done anything wrong, Lily couldn't help but feel like some sort of homewrecker. Everything that was going on around them, and the fact that Lily was tutoring Susan—Potter's girlfriend! Oh God, she was tutoring Potter's _girlfriend_ —made her feel like a special kind of evil witch.

"I like Susan," Lily blurted out. Why did she keep sabotaging herself like that? "She's nice."

"I'm glad you approve," replied James, clearly confused by Lily's sudden outburst.

"And she obviously makes you happy, so that's good," nodded Lily, trying to reassure herself of something she hadn't fully figured out yet.

James coughed.

"Yeah. We work together, I guess."

"You're very similar, you know," Lily went on, her voice painfully high-pitched.

"We are?"

"Yeah."

"Interesting." Then, cracking a smile, James added, "I never pegged her for the rebellious type."

"Please," Lily scoffed. "You're not rebellious."

"Of course I am." James looked affronted. "The _most_ rebellious."

"You can go ahead and keep the superlatives," Lily scoffed, though her voice was laced with something like amusement. "And I meant in the sense that… you're both… _optimistic_. Maybe even when you shouldn't be."

"You're being awfully nice to me," James added, running one hand through his already messy hair.

Lily hummed to herself.

Quietly, she added, "Maybe you should give yourself a little more credit."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Evans."

"Sure. Goodnight, Potter," she finished, getting up from her spot near the fire and nearly _sprinting_ her way up the stairs.

After she was certain James couldn't see her, Lily finally slowed her step and, when she got to the dormitory, she threw herself on her four-poster. Thankfully, the other girls slept like rocks, and Elizabeth, the only one who _didn't_ , was out for the night.

Because, truth be told, things were much worse than Lily had thought.

She was so completely _fucked._

* * *

Exactly twenty-four hours after Lily's little jog up the stairs, she was sitting with Mary, their legs hanging precariously off the edge of the Astronomy tower.

"I just feel so guilty, all the time. It's repulsive. Like there's a Flobberworm crawling up my oesophagus—"

"That's gross, Lily," Mary chastised, at which the former simply shrugged.

"Still, the sentiment remains. Besides, it's dead unfair how nice she is."

"Oh?" inquired Mary, quirking an eyebrow as she flipped through the newest issue of Witch Weekly.

"Yeah, because, on the one hand, I want her to disappear—figuratively, that is—but on the other, if it _happened_ , that would be a disservice to mankind."

Mary snorted. "You give her too much credit."

"I really don't." Shaking her head, Lily interjected, desperate to change the subject, "Hey, d'you remember Alice Fortescue?"

Mary closed the magazine and placed it between her thighs. "She was Head Girl when we first came to Hogwarts, wasn't she?"

"Yep," said Lily, popping the 'p'. "I heard she's married now."

"To Frank Longbottom?"

"The one and only."

"Oh, they were just the cutest, weren't they?" Mary pondered, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "I remember writing my mum about the two of them."

"You would, Mary," replied Lily, shaking her head and laughing. "Hey—where did you get that?" she asked, pointing at the magazine.

Mary's eyes lit up. "There's this whole underground thing. Bertha Jorkins is organizing it, you know. Apparently she sneaks to the village once a week to get some copies."

Lily lifted her right hand and released her ponytail. "I think she's been spending a bit too much time with Marlene, that's what I think."

"You might be onto something. Mar and Lucinda are adorable, though."

"They are!" Lily replied, clasping her hands together in front of her chest. "I'm so happy for her. I saw the two of them the other day in the library, you know, when I was with Susan. They looked so cosy."

"They _are_ the sweetest little pair, aren't they?" Mary replied in a subdued voice, staring wistfully at the ceiling.

Upon noticing the subtle change in Mary's tone, Lily placed a hand on her friend's shoulder and asked, "Oh, Mary, I'm sorry, I haven't even asked—how are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Mary answered, even though it came out more as a question.

"It must be hard for you being back here, though," Lily pressed, "with Bertram and everything. I've been so focused on this—this _sham_ of a love triangle that I've hardly been able to think about anything else."

"Oh, honey," Mary started, pressing her back against one of the columns. "It's completely understandable. I can only imagine how you must feel."

"I feel like shit, that's what I feel like." Lily shook her head. "But it doesn't excuse the oversight on my part, Mary! Come on, how have you _really_ been?"

Mary sighed. "It's awful, Lily. He's _everywhere._ "

"You know what?" started Lily. "I reckon we should sneak a bottle of Firewhiskey back into the castle the next time we go down to the village."

"Puh- _lease_ , Lily," Mary replied with a mad glint in her eyes. "That can be arranged much sooner than the next Hogsmeade trip. All we need is a little help from our friends."

* * *

And, suddenly, _soon_ had arrived. It was Lily's birthday and, when she returned to her room at the end of the day, there was an extraordinary amount of liquor at the end of her bed – courtesy of Sirius Black, as she would later discover. Bottle after bottle of Firewhiskey, Butterbeer and mead (Lily's personal favourite) stacked on top of her school trunk, and Lily wasn't sure how they'd even managed to smuggle all that alcohol inside the castle.

To be perfectly honest, it hadn't been that great of a day; she'd had to witness James and Susan sucking face for the entirety of lunch, Severus had tried to talk to her after Potions, and there was a Prefect meeting that had held Lily all the way through supper. Lily was hungry, tired, and desperate for a night off.

Needless to say, Sirius' choice of birthday present had been pretty spot on. She couldn't wait to get sloshed.

* * *

(The Other Side)

James had been looking for her the whole day. Lily, that is. To wish her a happy birthday one more time, to apologize for what had happened in Potions, to ask her what Snape wanted, and see if she was okay.

Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be seen and neither were her friends. Remus had asked around and yet neither of the remaining Gryffindor sixth year girls had seen her or heard from her.

His window of opportunity was closing and James was going mad. Sirius apparently had noticed this—bless him—and lent him the map. "Don't fuck things up."

He didn't know why he felt so desperate. The answer was right in front of him—James could feel it—but he couldn't _see_ it and it was driving him fucking insane.

Suddenly, he was running, through corridor after corridor, seeking out her emerald eyes. It didn't exactly feel right but it didn't feel wrong either and—oh Merlin, he couldn't even _bear_ to think about his girlfriend. His lovely, sweet girlfriend who deserved better than this.

Then, just as he was revolving around the Gregory the Smarmy statue, he felt someone knock into him. When he noticed all the red hair, his whole mind filled with a single word, resounding in his brain over and over again. _Lily, Lily, Lily._

"Happy birthday," he blurted out, his mouth slightly open.

Lily's expression matched his perfectly.

"You've said that already." Both Mary and Marlene looked like they were about to burst out laughing at any given moment.

Coughing, James replied, "Well. Yeah— _yes._ "

And then he took a proper look at Lily, and her hair seemed brighter under the dim corridor lighting, and her eyes were wider than he'd ever seen them. James looked at Lily, and saw her flushed cheeks and her soft skin and he wondered if that—that _moment_ —was as intense for her as it was for him.

James _saw_ her. And he made a decision.

Because there wasn't anything inherently _wrong_ with Susan Adams. Susan was a lovely girl. She was _pretty_ , in a conventional sort of way. She was sweet and, most importantly, the type of girl other people called sweet. Susan always stopped to chat with first years and help them find their way to class. She was extremely creative and understanding, which most teenagers were not. In fact, were it not for her shy nature and poor leadership skills, she'd have made a fair Prefect. She was polite. Ethical. Susan Adams was the sort of girl you took home to your parents, she was nice. She was nice and it had been _fun_.

Turns out, James was not interested in nice. There wasn't anything wrong with her, no. But James was looking for something else entirely.

And he was tired of trying to ignore it, because he never could, not _fully_. And the three of them all deserved better than this.

 _Tomorrow,_ James thought, _tomorrow, he was breaking up with Susan._

* * *

 **A/N:** There you go! Things are finally starting to happen. Or are they?

Let me know what you thought in the review box down below, or in case you prefer, I am also on tumblr at gxldentrio. x


	13. Fire and Smoke

**A/N:** Hello everyone! First of all, I want to say a big fat thank you to my lovely beta, Charlotte, who helped me SO MUCH working on this one. I love you, and I don't know where I'd be without you.

Secondly, I'd like to say that because I'm starting university tomorrow and I really want to do WELL, this fic is going on the backburner for a little bit. I'M NOT GOING TO ABANDON IT. There's only five or six chapters until the end, so we've passed the halfway mark a long time ago. But it might take me a little longer in between updates.

Anyway, I still hope you really enjoy this, and as usual, don't forget to let me know what you thought of it!

 **Disclaimer: I own zero (0) things.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve**

Or

 _Fire and Smoke_

* * *

Lily Evans wasn't nice, at least not where James Potter was concerned. With her, James never knew where he stood. She was kind, yes, and probably smarter than anyone else he knew, but she could also be vindictive, vicious and cold as ice. Lily Evans was a human paradox and so there really was no way James _could_ know what the hell was going on inside his heart.

(Maybe he did, and just wasn't ready to admit it to himself. Whatever.)

What James _did_ know was that Lily's laugh made everything seem quieter, calmer, slower, which in reality didn't make any sense, because she was manic, erratic and potentially insane, he suspected. It was pretty perfect, to be honest. After all, what James needed was excitement and enthusiasm. Someone who'd make his heart beat a little faster, someone who'd light a fire in his chest. He always acted like an idiot around her, but how could he not? She always made him trip over himself, speak before he managed to figure out what he wanted to say...

Lily wasn't _nice._ James thought nice was overrated anyway, and _that_ was where things got tricky. Because it wasn't like James didn't like Susan. He actually really _did_ , which was why he felt so awful about the whole situation.

James was going to talk to her. He _was._ James knew full well he couldn't keep stringing her along; he was just waiting for the perfect time.

He'd tried to approach it several times before, too, but for some reason it never felt right. Every time he felt like he might be ready to do it, his palms would get uncharacteristically sweaty and his throat would close up. Then she'd smile at him some kind of way, and James would put it off again.

Which was why, two weeks after he'd made the decision to end his relationship with Susan, they were still together, and on their way to Hogsmeade.

The carriage ride to the village was a slow one. The rain and melting snow made for extremely muddy roads and at least two of the carriages had gotten stuck in the sludge, causing a small traffic jam.

At least, James mused, it gave him some time to think. (Because apparently he hadn't done enough of that over the past few days…)

The silence was deafening, constricting, and James had never felt claustrophobic before but now he was starting to. He looked over at Susan, who was leaning into the tinted glass window with a smile on her face.

His chest tightened at the sight.

Suddenly, and because all good things must come to an end, the carriage came to a halt and the pair made their way out.

James sighed. He really had to do something.

And well… if that meant breaking up with his girlfriend on February fourteenth, of all days, then so be it.

* * *

Susan had always thought of herself as a rather ordinary girl, with her straight brown hair and average school grades. She didn't really think that there was anything that _special_ about her. She had always imagined herself growing up, going to university and eventually settling down with a nice enough boy who she could grow old with. All that changed when she turned eleven, because that was the day a peculiar man with a long beard told her that she was a witch.

Sure enough, strange things had always seemed to happen around Susan, but she'd never given them much thought. Sometimes, coincidences were just that, coincidences. Though, come to think of it, it had been particularly mind-boggling when she'd broken the kitchen cupboard open at age four to retrieve the doll hidden inside by her babysitter.

And then when Susan was eleven, another door was opened, a door to a whole new world which she was now a part of. Her family had been nothing but supportive, especially her younger brother, Daniel, who was ecstatic at the prospect of having magic in the family. Perhaps he hoped that once he turned eleven himself, the same curious man would return with a letter for him.

When Susan turned eleven, she had no idea what to expect of the magical world. At nearly seventeen, she decided that, well… she had certainly not expected _that_.

* * *

It was quiet inside the castle, eerily so. Most of the students had naturally gone down to the village for Valentine's Day, but Marlene couldn't. All she could do was roll around in her four-poster and replay the previous night's conversation in her head.

They'd been sitting together in the Astronomy tower, the cold breeze nipping at their noses. It had been a lovely night, with a sky so clear they could see the stars. There was no way Marlene could have predicted what was about to happen.

 _"_ _Marlene?"_ Lucinda had started, looking anywhere to avoid meeting Marlene's gaze.

 _"_ _Yeah?"_

 _"_ _We should probably talk about what happened."_

It was at that point that she knew nothing good could possibly come out of the conversation. The two of them had been walking on eggshells around each other ever since that day in the locker room. Desperate to change the subject, she'd replied, _"Oh, don't worry. That's fine."_

 _"_ _It's not fine. I know that I owe you an explanation—"_

 _"—_ _you don't owe me anything—"_

 _"—_ _I do, Marlene. But I can't give you one. I can't. I'm not… I'm not ready yet."_

Marlene took her girlfriend's hand, softly rubbing the skin of her palm with her thumb. _"Then that's fine. Whatever it is, we can handle it in time,"_ she'd assured her.

" _Marlene_ …" she'd said, and Marlene couldn't forget the way that Lucinda's voice had cracked over her name, "… _you're so—you're so sweet but I'm—I'm way too complicated_."

 _"_ _What do you mean?"_

 _"_ _I mean I'm way too complicated for you."_ Marlene had felt sick with anticipation.

 _"_ _Lucinda, what are you saying?"_

 _"_ _I'm saying that you deserve better. You'd be a fool to keep holding onto this, trust me."_

 _"_ _I don't understand—"_

 _"_ _I'm saying maybe… maybe it's best that we go our separate ways."_

Marlene had dropped Lucinda's hand as if it had burned her.

 _"_ _Lucinda, why are you saying these things? 'Go our separate ways?' That's not what I want!"_

Lucinda had looked close to tears by then but she had persisted with a shaky breath _: "I—I know it's cliché and you'll probably hate me for saying it, but it really isn't you, Marlene. I promise it's not you; it's me. But we can't do this… I'm sorry."_

And so, having returned to the dorm in tears, and after consuming a grotesque amount of chocolate frogs and jelly slugs, Marlene had decided once and for all that Valentine's Day was the absolute worst holiday in the whole entire Wizarding World.

Lily and Mary had both tried to persuade her that going down to the village would be a suitable distraction, but Marlene couldn't really be bothered. She was set on taking a day off and just wallowing in bed. Tomorrow she'd work on getting her woman back. But today… today she deserved to mope. When, as a final resort, Lily and Mary offered to stay with her, she told them she just wanted to be alone.

* * *

They'd been walking for about ten minutes now, slowly making their way alongside the railway, but James had barely said a word to his girlfriend. Because how was he supposed to tell her that, while he liked her a lot, he didn't like her _the most,_ and that, while he was happy with her, he would be happier with someone else? He wasn't sure how not to hurt her feelings.

But, by now, James simply couldn't hold it in anymore. He'd already gone through at least fifteen dialogue openers in his head and he still couldn't figure out how to begin, so ultimately—in true James Potter fashion—he ended up just blurting it out.

"Susan," James started, his voice gravelly.

"Yes, honey?" she asked, slowing to a stop. Her hand was still in James'. His heart was beating wildly inside his chest, pulsing like a drum. His palms were sweating and his scarf felt far too tight and he couldn't breathe—

"Susan, I have to tell you something." She nodded him on, as if to say ' _alright, spit it out.'_

"I—"

But before he could finish his sentence, he caught sight of something a distance away, behind his expectant girlfriend's head. About a dozen hooded figures wearing dark cloaks were slowly but surely approaching the village.

"Death Eaters," he whispered.

"What? —" James hurriedly covered Susan's mouth before she made more noise.

"Shh!" James fished the mirror out of his cloak pocket.

"Padfoot!" he called. " _Padfoot!_ "

"I'm here, I'm here," Susan could hear Sirius' voice reply, although she didn't wasn't sure from _where_. She looked up at James in puzzlement.

"Sirius, there's Death Eaters in Hogsmeade," James urged.

" _What_ —?"

"No, listen. A few of them look like they're heading towards Dervish and Banges. There's not many, four, maybe _five_ at most, but they could do some serious damage."

"Shit," Sirius gulped. "How can I help?"

"Get Moony or Wormtail to go to the Three Broomsticks and warn the teachers."

Sirius nodded. "And in the meantime?"

"You help me get them out."

"Got it. Is Adams with you?"

"Yeah, she's right here," James answered, momentarily tightening his hold on Susan's hand.

"Good," Sirius replied. "Just don't… don't keep her in the dark about this, okay?"

James simply nodded.

"Susan," he said, fitfully running one hand through his hair. "Go to Honeydukes and break into the cellar. There's a hidden passageway that will lead you safely back to Hogwarts."

"But, James—"

"No buts, I'll come after you soon. Please. _Go_."

Thankfully, Susan seemed to understand the urgency in James' voice and simply nodded in response, tightening the cloak around her neck.

"Be safe, okay?" Then she took a step forward and pressed her lips against his own in a chaste peck, as though it was just a goodnight's kiss and they'd see each other again in the morning.

Once James thought Susan was far away for him to be out of sight, he turned into Prongs and galloped his way to the other side of the village.

He got there in record time and, after ducking into an empty alleyway, he fished the mirror out of his cloak pocket once more.

"Sirius?"

He called time after time, but Sirius wasn't picking up.

James sighed; he'd have to figure out what to do by himself. He felt the urge to let panic overwhelm him but James wouldn't let his brain go there. He had to focus, to be rational and pragmatic, otherwise people could get hurt, and that would be on him. Counting on the fact that his mates would be sending most people back up to the castle, James decided at once that the best way to handle things would be to carefully approach the scene, gauge the situation at hand. Then he'd figure the rest out as he went.

He soon discovered that most of the action was happening near Dervish & Banges. Luckily, as he'd predicted, there weren't many students around any longer and for that he was grateful. Hopefully things wouldn't get too ugly.

There was a sudden crash behind him and James whipped around, trying to locate the source of the noise. He snatched his wand out of his pocket and raised it in apprehension, slowly looking around. He noticed a thin, hooded figure turned away from him across the street and smirked. They were alone. James could easily take them down one on one.

Maybe he'd been too hasty in his assumptions, as the wizard turned around at lightning speed upon hearing James' footsteps, slicing his left forearm with a sharp hex. Thankfully, James could feel that the cut wasn't deep, only just breaking his skin's surface, but the shock of the spell had sent him flying across the road. When he landed, he felt glass breaking.

At once, James scrambled up and, with adrenaline rushing through his bloodstream, managed to wordlessly freeze the Death Eater still. Panting heavily, he approached the immobilised man, whose hood had fallen back from his face. With venom, James paused momentarily to crack him on the nose.

One down, four to go.

Leaning against the wall of a nearby building, he tried calling Sirius one more time.

"What's it, Prongs? 'M sort of in the middle of something here!" There was a new bruise blooming on Sirius' temple, which James could see even through the cracked and tarnished mirror, but he wasn't too worried. He reckoned Sirius could handle himself.

"Where are the others?" James asked, his breathing still short.

"Remus went back with about twenty students or so. Pete's with me."

"Tell him to meet me by Zonko's. I need some backup."

Returning the mirror to his pocket, he headed for the joke shop. There he found a group of third years who'd taken refuge from the commotion behind Gladrags. Moments later, Peter materialised and, with his help, he escorted them inside the Post Office. They'd be mostly safe there. Still, James didn't want to take any chances.

"Stay with them for now," he asked. Peter gave a firm nod in response, settling behind the counter.

Before leaving, James passed the mirror over, in case he and Sirius ended up needing back-up.

"I'll come after you if you call," Peter said. "And I'll keep the kids safe."

James clapped him on the back and slipped back through the door. Peter watched him go.

At last, James reached the heart of the fight, hurrying down the street towards Dervish. There were spells and curses flying everywhere, ricocheting through the air. The snowy gravel beneath them glittered, illuminated red and green. James' instincts swiftly kicked in and he fired off a well-placed stinging hex into the throng. He spared a quick glance toward Sirius, who acknowledged him with a flick of his hair.

The two of them worked in tandem, back to back, two halves of the same machine. It was at times like these that he thanked himself for being so hard on the team during Quidditch practices. Though, of course, Sirius wasn't a part of the team anymore.

He felt himself being pulled from behind and the pair of them ducked behind a chunk of collapsed wall. Then, James heard a bang. The strangled cry that followed it made James launch back out into the street again.

 _Lily._ He'd recognize the sound of her voice, her presence anywhere.

James' brain was processing new information at a million miles per hour, his eyes darting all over the place, seeking her out in a frenzy, but suddenly everything slowed. He spotted red hair, straying away from the main path.

James was thoroughly and completely _gone_.

"Lily!" he bellowed, running after her, the swollen wound on his forearm at the back of his mind. She could be hurt, he couldn't tell, but at least she was still standing. _Why_ wasn't she turning back? "EVANS!"  
Her neck snapped back at the familiar nickname, wand at the ready.

The first thing James noticed was her eyes, large and alert, shining green, powerful even in the middle of a battlefield. The second thing he noticed was the blood trickling down her neck.

James sprinted to her like his life depended on it, his calves burning, and, once he got close enough, he enveloped her, cradling her into his chest, his heart ramming against his ribcage. He felt as though his emotions were threatening to spill out of his body.

"Merlin, Lily, are you alright?" James shuddered into her hairline.

"Yeah, I'm alright," Lily said, and he pretended not to notice the way her hands were shaking. "Y—you?"

"I'm fine now. You had me so worried," he said, pulling her even closer. Reluctantly, James let go and smoothed some of the wild hair out of her face. Then, softly, he asked, "Would you kill me if I asked you to go back to the castle?"

Despite the roll of her eyes, Lily took a step closer to James and held one of his hands, toying with his knuckles.

"You fight, I fight, okay?"

James felt his lips stretch into his trademark lopsided grin, and he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Alright, Evans."

* * *

Susan had heard James. The part about Death Eaters. Sirius. She knew about the mirror, and the map.

She wasn't stupid.

She had heard the trembling in her boyfriend's voice, just as he was about to break up with her, which she'd already anticipated. It was as clear as water that the boy was absolutely in love with Lily Evans. Susan knew that he'd cared for her, in some way at least. Still, the relationship wasn't really fair on either of them. They weren't on the same page, rarely had been.

She'd _always_ known it was going to happen eventually.

But she played dumb. She pretended not to know. She plastered on a smile, kissed her boyfriend goodbye, and headed off as if she was _returning_ to the castle—but she wasn't.

People wouldn't usually think it when they met Susan but there was a core reason she was in Gryffindor. Sometimes bravery didn't manifest itself as reckless courage or foolish acts of heroism. Sometimes it meant taking one step after another, constantly moving forward, even when there was no way she'd come out on top.

She had to make sure she'd done all she could.

And so, when Susan reached Honeydukes, she didn't duck inside; she turned around and made her way in between the trees, head held high, until she found her purpose.

* * *

Once he'd found Lily, things were kind of a blur for James. He knew, after a fierce hour of back and forth duelling, hexes, blows, moves and countermoves, that they'd stopped the Death Eaters—or at least pushed them back—but he didn't really remember much else.

Ministry officials arrived shortly but not before the Death Eaters had already fled the scene. Even the one who James had immobilised had escaped, freed by an ally. James, Lily and the rest of the students who'd stayed behind to fight were then escorted back to the castle by Aurors; by the time James was back in touch with reality, ears still ringing, they were already safely behind closed doors, where Professor Hatheway was waiting for them.

"Well, thank goodness you've all made it out safely. I know some of you are hurt. Madame Pomfrey will be here shortly to deal with your injuries, but for now you'd be best waiting inside here and recuperating. I'm sure your friends will be happy to see you."

Inside the Great Hall, the four Heads of House were sitting along their corresponding house tables. Each of them held a long scroll, and slowly, the four professors read out the names of every single student who'd gone down to the Hogsmeade, checking meticulously that everyone had made it back.

Every Ravenclaw was safely inside the castle, as were the Hufflepuffs. Not long after, Professor Horace Slughorn reached the end of his list, worried and tired, his pale complexion even pastier than usual.

Quite suddenly, James noticed a tense look pass over Professor McGonagall's face. She leaned down to whisper in the Headmaster's ear. There was a pause, with some commotion on the staff table, before Hatheway made the announcement.

Two students were still missing, a Gryffindor and a Slytherin. One was Nikolai Mulciber, and it didn't seem as though he _would_ be returning, seeing as his school trunk and belongings had disappeared with him. It was evident to most students that he'd been involved with the Death Eater attack.

The Gryffindor was Susan Adams. For a second, James genuinely thought he was going to choke. His vision blurred and he felt his heart jerk painfully inside his chest, desperate to jump out of his throat for what felt like the millionth time that day.

He didn't see Lizzy fall down on her knees, or Mary clutch at her mouth, or even feel Lily shaking by his side. He was consumed by a dark shroud of guilt and bitterness.


	14. I'll Be Good

**A/N:** Hello, everyone! Long time, no see, am I right?

Firstly, I'd like to thank each and everyone of you who has stuck around. As I'd promised, I did not (and will not!) give up on this story - I simply had to focus on something else for a while. I'm proud to say I've finished my first year of university with pretty awesome grades, and so now that I'm on break I can focus on this again!

On the bright side, we're almost at the end - only two more chapters left! I'm going to try to finish this fic over the summer but I make no promises.

It would probably do you well to reread the last one, maybe two chapters, but if you can't be arsed to do it, then here's a quick re-cap:

\- Lily fancies James, though he has a girlfriend, Susan. Lily always feels guilty when she's around James because of said girlfriend, and so she tries distancing herself a little.

\- This only makes James realise that while he really likes his girlfriend, it's nothing compared to how she feels about Lily.

\- He makes plans to break up with Susan but keeps putting them off. Eventually, during an Hogsmeade visit, there's a Death Eater attack and Susan is taken.

PS! I highly recommend you listen to 'I'll be good' by Jaymes Young. It'll make you appreciate this chapter so much more.

Onto the story!

 **Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form, own these characters or this world.**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen**

Or

 _I'll Be Good_

* * *

 **DEATH EATERS INVADE HOGSMEADE VILLAGE**

That was the headline of the Daily Prophet the morning after the attack. No names had been released, for the sake of the parents. As far as the wizarding world knew, all students had made their way back to the castle safely.

James, of course, knew different.

* * *

(I never meant to start a fire)

The weather started to warm up by the end of February. The customary blankets of snow had melted away and, every so often, the sun would come out and play.

Today was one of those days.

It felt mocking, really. As though their grief wasn't that bad, wasn't so legitimate, because at least they had the sun. James wanted to climb on his racing broom and punch it in the face. Unfortunately, that wasn't really a possibility, so he turned to other things; drank more than his fair share of Firewhisky, threw himself into Quidditch, got into trouble more often than not, all but ignored his friends, his brothers in everything but blood, and above all else... he kept his distance from Lily Evans.

Not that what had happened was her fault, and it wasn't that he blamed her exactly... well, maybe he did a little. She hadn't done anything wrong, but just _looking_ at her felt like rubbing salt on an open wound. Because why else would he have left Susan by herself in the middle of an attack if not to run after his precious Lily?

If only he'd stayed by his girlfriend (his _girlfriend,_ for Merlin's sake), maybe things could have turned out differently.

If only he hadn't been so fucking in _love_ with Lily Evans, if only she wasn't the only god damn person on his mind, if only he hadn't been so desperate to get to her, maybe Susan would still be with them. Maybe Elizabeth wouldn't have spent the whole night sobbing inside her four poster, maybe the Daily Prophet wouldn't have had such a fucking field day with it all, maybe—

 _If only_.

Sometimes the heart made the stupidest fucking decisions.

Hogsmeade visits had been cancelled for the remainder of the school year. The Gryffindor—Ravenclaw Quidditch match had been too, but James didn't care. The pitch was the only place where James felt like he could _think_. The wind on his face felt freeing, rather than stinging. It was James' own brand of masochism.

And so, that's where James would spend his time, whenever he wasn't sitting through a foolishly earned detention. In between classes, during meals… Even late at night, he'd throw on the Invisibility Cloak and march down there, and lie down on the grass. It was unfair that he had the privilege of sneaking around to watch the stars, while Susan, if somehow she was still alive, probably didn't even know what day it was.

He had a feeling Dumbledore knew. If not, McGonagall would for sure. After all, few people knew him better than his Transfiguration teacher. An old family friend, his mother's confidant during her youth, James had grown up on her tea and scones and tales of Quidditch matches. She _knew_ him and, no doubt, she expected more. But James couldn't rise up to the challenge.

He knew getting himself into trouble wasn't the answer, but at least when he was scrubbing cauldrons and writing lines, he wasn't thinking. That's all James really wanted… to be able to stop thinking.

* * *

(I never meant to make you bleed)

Inside the girl's dormitory, the scenario wasn't much different. Elizabeth had spent a full week in bed before Lily had forcefully dragged her out and thrown her in the shower.

Elizabeth had kicked and screamed and spat but Lily paid her no mind. "It's a tragedy, and you're allowed to mourn and grieve, but you can't stop taking care of yourself, Liz," she'd said. "The Earth doesn't stop turning because Voldemort is a monster. A monster with power, yes, but a monster nonetheless."

She was… holding the fort, so to speak. Undoubtedly, Lily was going through a pretty difficult time herself, but, instead of cowering and hiding, Lily let the fear fuel her. She threw herself into work, spent double the time on essays, stepped up in Charms club, did all the prefect scutwork and led a small study group for the first years.

The entire castle was in mourning.

Lily reckoned the worst part of it all was the cruel lack of closure. There was no way of knowing if Susan were alive, if she were not, if she was locked away in some dungeon, cold, beaten, desperate for a way out… It had taken its toll on everyone.

Marlene was running herself ragged, grasping at straws trying to get her relationship back. "I'm not giving up on her," she'd tell Lily. "I can't just sit around and do nothing." Lily could definitely see where her friend was coming from and, to some extent, she shared the sentiment.

Mary, on the other hand, was back to having panic attacks on the regular. The bubbly side of her that had finally started to blossom ever since she and Bertram had broken it off was squashed back inside. More often than not, she'd land herself in the Hospital Wing, constantly polishing off Madame Pomfrey's stash of Calming Draught.

And James... _her_ James was gone. He'd been replaced by a stoic and hard machine. Her James was broken and he wouldn't let her help him.

She had taken a liking to watching him. Or maybe she always had and now simply did so more openly. And so Lily had started to notice things.

She started noticing the way he'd ignore his friends' notes whenever they were in class; the way he'd just about storm off after the end of each lecture and make his way to the pitch no matter the weather; the way his hands would grip his wand tighter, like letting it fall would cause an uprising.

It was almost a thing of beauty, or it would have been if it wasn't so _sad_.

* * *

(I'll be a better man today)

In the library, the atmosphere was rather different. There was light peeking through the windows, and the space felt warm and inviting. Marlene sat at a table next to the Herbology section, working on her essay on the _venomous tentacula_.

"Is this seat taken?"

Marlene didn't really have to look up; she would have recognized that voice anywhere. "Yeah, sure," she replied, raising two questioning eyebrows.

"I was hoping we could talk…" Lucinda added. Her hair was clipped back and purple bags hugged her undereyes. "It wasn't fair of me to - well... I'd like to try and make it right, if that's alright with you. Maybe we could take a walk?"

For the first time in weeks, Marlene felt her thin lips stretch into a grin. "I thought you'd never ask."

The pair left the library together and made their way towards the castle doors. They crossed the main entrance in silence and sat down close to the Great Lake.

Lucinda coughed.

"Look," Marlene started, "you don't have to give one but I think I deserve an explanation. I mean, you just took off, no warning, no anything and I…"

"I know, believe me," she replied, taking one of Marlene's hands in her own. "It's just… this isn't easy for me; affection, relationships, putting my trust in someone. The mere thought of coming to you and explaining everything nearly gave me a stomach ulcer… but Bertha was right." Shaking her head, she continued, "I can't hide anymore."

Then she gingerly lifted up her shirt, seemingly immune to the chilly winter air, only shivering when Marlene placed a hand on her stomach.

Her pale skin was covered in cuts and bruises, and Marlene soon felt two fat drops of water fall on her wrist.

"I don't… I had no idea. You don't need to explain—"

"I know. I wanted to."

"What happened?"

"Dad gets a little liquor-happy, if you know what I mean… It wasn't always like this… but I can't keep pretending that it doesn't happen, you know?"

"I don't, I'm lucky that way. But I want to be here for you, even if right now you just need a friend in me."

"Marlene, Marlene…" Lucinda smiled. "I don't know if I'm ever going to love myself but I'll always love you. That much hasn't changed."

Marlene touched her forehead to Lucinda's. "I'll love you for the both of us, then."

And then she closed the distance between them.

* * *

(Grace is just weakness)

One distinct Tuesday, James snapped.

It was around four in the morning when, after tossing and turning in bed for the entire night, James finally gave up and got up. As had started to become customary for him, he immediately made his way to the pitch.

This time, however, just as he was approaching, James took a sharp right turn and headed towards the Forbidden Forest. Once he deemed himself reasonably concealed, he transformed into his Animagus form and raced like his life depended on it, further and further into the forest, until his lungs burned and he could feel the taste of blood on his mouth.

The cold wind cut through his fur and chilled him to the bone, but James found that he welcomed the distraction. He felt the grass beneath his hooves, the branches low enough to graze his antlers, and, for a moment, he simply breathed it all in. He only let himself turn back once he was deep enough into the forest that the Map wouldn't betray his location. He didn't want to be found tonight. Once he _had_ reverted back into his human form, his calves felt as though they were on fire, and he promptly collapsed into a nearby yew tree.

He looked down at his hands. They were shaking and the skin on his fingertips was peeling. For a moment, James let himself be. He lowered himself onto the ground, cradled his head in his hands, and fixed his stare onto the grass by his shoes.

He closed his eyes and, for the first time since everything had gone to shit, James let himself cry. He didn't exactly sob—there were no hiccups, at least. No - rather, James felt like he was being choked, like he couldn't breathe. His throat had closed up and all the colour had drained from his face; all James could do was sit there, catatonic, staring at the tree in front of him. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. His stomach ached with hunger, but he paid it no mind.

Sometime during the day, it started raining, but James still didn't move. By the time he got up, it was dark out and, once he got back to his dorm, he took a shower and scrubbed his skin until his knuckles bled.

* * *

(Or so I've been told)

"Where is Potter?" was the first thing out of Lily's mouth once she reached the Gryffindor table at the Great Hall. He'd missed all of his classes that day and was nowhere to be found, not in the library, not on the pitch, not even in the infirmary. She'd checked.

"My sentiments exactly," replied Sirius.

"He was gone when we woke up," added Peter. "Sirius couldn't even find him on the—"

"—And he didn't even take his wand with him, the wanker."

"Are you saying he's been missing all day?"

"That's exactly what we're saying," answered Remus with a sigh. "We've looked everywhere for him."

"As have I. I was positive he'd be down by the pitch, but no dice." Suddenly remembering, Lily added, "Oh, here. I took some notes… could you give them to him?"

Remus gladly accepted the parchment and stuffed it in his bookbag.

"Look," Sirius said, taking a bite out of his supper, "he's been pretty out of it lately, which, sure, is understandable given the circumstances, but there's really not a lot we can do."

Peter nodded. "He gets up before any of us, goes down to the pitch for a couple of hours, and washes his hands about twenty times a day. They're starting to look raw."

"He just needs some space," continued Sirius. "Sooner or later, Prongs'll come back to us."

"I really hope you're right," sighed Lily, plopping herself down next to Peter.

"Yeah," Sirius added darkly. "Me too."

"Maybe we should just look around one more time? It's getting really late."

They split up, Lily heading towards the Astronomy tower alongside Peter, with Remus and Sirius trying the kitchens. Neither were successful. A couple more hours had passed by the time that the group had finally made its way back to the Gryffindor common room, only to find one James Potter sprawled on a sofa. Miraculously, no other students seemed to be around.

"You lot go up, I think I'm going to stay down here a little longer."

Sirius nodded. "Night, Evans. Try not to worry too much."

The three remaining Marauders climbed up the stairs to the dorm rooms and Lily was left alone with James. She sat on the carpeted floor next to him and quietly reached over to pet him, much like she would a wounded animal.

"Hey," she said.

James, still half asleep, only hummed.

"Where were you?" she asked in a soft voice, carefully continuing her ministrations. He looked positively beat and Lily didn't want to bother him too much.

"Forest," he croaked out. He let himself be pampered for a few seconds and then, as James finally, _really_ noticed the familiar, pleasant feel of Lily's fingers through his hair, he felt his throat clench and he shrugged her off, quickly getting up and darting towards the portrait hole.

"James!" Lily whisper-yelled, but he ignored her and continued on. "What do you think you're doing?" she questioned, chasing after him.

"Not now," he finally answered her; by now, they were both standing in an empty corridor, their voices echoing off the walls. His back was still turned to her.

"James, I—"

"Not now, Lily."

He really did sound exhausted… but Lily violently shook her head, tossing her red hair behind her. No, this had gone on too long.

"No! No, I have to say it. I don't care if you want to hear or not."

James huffed.

"Right. Right, okay, well… Look, I get it. I know you feel guilty about S—about what happened, but you don't have to deal with it alone, okay? You don't have to push everyone away." Thinking back to the fact that he'd spent the entire day in the Forbidden Forest, practically defenceless, she added, "You can't keep throwing yourself into these ridiculous, _dangerous_ situations and pretend like you're fine. It's not doing you any good."

"You have no idea what you're talking about," James shot back, snapping back to look at Lily.

"I—"

"No, Lily, enough," he chastised, "I don't want to discuss this."

"You don't want to talk about this at all, or you don't want to talk about it with me?"

"I don't want to talk to you."

It felt like a slap in the face.

"I know you're grieving, but that doesn't give you the right to act like an arsehole. You're only hurting yourself here."

"Let me."

"No, I won't!"

"Well, why the fuck not?" James shouted, stopping abruptly to stare at Lily. Then, he slumped against the wall and sighed. "Don't you get that it's my fault she's dead?"

"We don't know anything yet, and, besides, whatever's happened, it's not your fault—"

"It is," he interrupted. "I was with her, and I saw the Death Eaters, and I let her go—"

"You sent her to safety—"

"—I sent her _away,_ by _herself_ , because I was too busy worrying about how to get to _you_."

"Oh."

"So quit telling me that it's not my fault and that I have no business beating myself up about it, because we're here and she's most likely _dead_ and that's never going to go away."

The argument that Lily wanted so desperately to make died in her throat and she nodded. All she could say was, "I think we have to live for those who can't. When you're ready, we'll be here, James."

She turned around and left him there, stunned, still trying to catch his breath.

* * *

(I've been cold, I've been merciless)

When he finally made his way back to the dormitory, everyone was mostly asleep. He lay in his four poster and stared at the ceiling, wondering how he was going to manage getting up tomorrow and pushing through the day.

In the darkness, he heard Sirius' voice: "you're a good person, Prongs. You deserve good things, it doesn't make you selfish. It took me a long time to realise that but it's true."

James sighed.

"It's not that I'm grieving. What I'm feeling doesn't even begin to compare to what, say, Liz must be feeling. I just feel so _guilty,_ all the time. I was this close to breaking up with her but then I noticed the Death Eaters and everything went to shit. This is on me."

"It's really not," Sirius shook his head. "But I get it. Try to get some sleep. See if you don't disappear on us again, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure," James replied. "Thanks."

"Anytime, mate."

* * *

(Maybe I'm waking up)

At least two weeks had passed since James had pulled his disappearing act. So far, Lily noticed, he was showing up to class again, albeit with less enthusiasm than usual, and ate at least one meal every day in the Great Hall. Sombrely, she also noticed that he seemed to be keeping his distance from her, but she tried not to let it affect her too much.

Obviously she was failing spectacularly.

* * *

It was James Potter's seventeenth birthday, but the boy in question didn't feel much like celebrating. He skipped breakfast in the Great Hall, choosing to eat in the kitchens instead, and shortly made his way back to the Gryffindor common room.

It was twenty minutes past eleven when Professor McGonagall walked in, and, with her lips pressed into a nearly non-existent line, summoned James to the Headmaster's office.

The pair walked to the Headmaster's Tower in silence, though Professor McGonagall kept her hand on James' shoulder the whole time. When they reached the stone gargoyle, she provided the password ( _butterscotch_ ) and the stern, ugly-looking bird revealed the staircase to Dumbledore's office.

Delicate silver instruments sat atop thin, dark wooden tables, quietly whirring away. The walls were covered in portraits of previous headmasters, and, though most appeared to be either gone or dozing off, one Phineas Nigellus observed the scene with poorly disguised interest.

"Good morning, James. Sit." James did. "Before we begin, I'd like to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you, professor."

"You must be wondering why I've summoned you to my office this fine Sunday."

"Actually, I've got a few ideas."

"Good, good."

James shifted in his seat, and, though he tried not to let it show, his face betrayed a great deal of discomfort.

"At ease, James, for you are not here to be punished. Not at all. In fact, the reason I have summoned you here is to offer you my condolences. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. I understand you and Susan were… close."

Quickly losing all sense of propriety, James replied, "And I suppose you'll be _summoning_ every one of her friends to offer them your condolences as well? Has Lizzy been called up here, too?"

"I must confess that that has not been the case, no," said Dumbledore calmly. "In fact, I can only imagine that in a time like this what Elizabeth will desire most is a bit of space."

"And what makes you think I don't want to be left alone like her?"

"Surely it's quite obvious, is it not? Elizabeth hasn't been earning herself detention after detention, skipping class, or wandering off into the Forbidden Forest, has she?" Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling behind his half-moon shaped spectacles. "It is forbidden for a reason, you know."

"I'm not in pain," James said. "It's something else, it's…"

"Well, if it's guilt and regret that are troubling you… I must admit that, in that case, I do know how you feel—"

"No!" he shouted, standing up. "No, you don't!"

"Oh, but I do, James." Without even blinking, and with a serene look on his face, Dumbledore proceeded, "It can all feel futile, can it not? When there's so much happening? Perhaps we shelter you too much, here at Hogwarts. One can almost pretend everything is alright."

"Maybe you can," James scoffed. "I sure as hell can't."

Dumbledore nodded.

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."

"Then help me," asked James, and the desperation in his voice was so raw he may as well have been begging. "Help me, because I don't understand."

"Change is not always bad, it is simply change, and you, James, are a different person now than you were two months ago. When Susan left us, it took something from you. It took a piece of you, and you're never going to get that piece back. You aren't the same anymore and that is frightening in extraordinary ways… Yet giving up is not an option. You must _live_ , you must get to know yourself again, and understand that light can always be found, even at the darkest, most desperate, of times…

"And now you're scared. You're scared to breathe, you're scared to move, you're scared to go on as before, and I sympathise… but you must not succumb to despair! That is what they want! We must all learn to face fear with our heads held high… That is the only way that we can truly go on. Do not give them what they want."

* * *

 **A/N:** As usual, pretty please let me know how you feel about this chapter! I really tried and actually love how it turned out. x


	15. My Love, My Life

**A/N:** Look at her, posting another chapter after only a month! What kind of person have I turned into?

Thank you so so much for your guys' amazing response to chapter 13, and thank you for even after a year, sticking with me and continuing to favourite and review! Your support does not go unnoticed!

I want to thank ABBA + the cast and crew of Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again because without them I most certainly would not have made it through this chapter, which is twice as long as the usual chapters! 6k words of jily brilliance, guys! I really hope you enjoy this one, and as you may or may not know, chapter 15 will be the last one.

It may not be up as quickly as this one was, but I'm hoping I can finish it before school starts back in full, so while I'm shooting for mid-september at the latest, please don't hurt me if I'm unable to post it until then.

Onto the story!

 **Disclaimer: I own exactly zero of these characters, I'm simply borrowing them from JK. Pls don't sue me.**

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen**

Or

 _My Love, My Life_

* * *

(T-minus: four days)

It was Easter break at last and, as final exams were fast approaching, most of the upperclassmen had chosen to stay in the castle during the holidays. Hogwarts tended to be much emptier during Christmas break but not many students usually went home for Easter.

April was a windy month, interspersed with frequent outbreaks of pelting rain. It was colder than was usual for spring and, though there were sometimes sunny intervals, this particular April was starting to be known for the occasional thunderstorm.

At the present time, most of the students were gathered in the Great Hall, since it had barely gone nine in the morning. It was a Tuesday, and the grounds outside were coated in thick fog — the Whomping Willow was only just visible.

"Hey," started Marlene, "did you guys know that Christine Diggory is pregnant?"

"Who's that?" Mary asked, taking a rather large swig of her pumpkin juice.

"Oh, isn't she that bird from D.M.L.E.?" Lizzy interjected from the opposite side of the table, perched next to Lily.

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Lily was currently helping herself to a second serving of eggs and toast when Peter Pettigrew, who was sitting a couple of seats to her right, pointed out, "Where's Dumbledore going?"

She looked over to the High Table and, true to Peter's word, there went the Headmaster, although none of the other teachers seemed to notice his sudden withdrawal.

"Did it suddenly get really chilly or is it just me?" inquired Mary, who was now shivering.

"It's definitely not just you," Remus replied. "Here, have some of this."

He poured Mary some hot tea and she gratefully cupped it in her hands. "Thanks, Remus."

"It's nothing." He shrugged. "Sirius?"

"On it, mate."

As Remus nodded, Sirius, and James, who Lily had only just noticed was uncharacteristically –by recent standards—present at the Gryffindor table, rose and left the Great Hall, chatting amongst themselves.

Lily had heard from Peter that he'd been called to Dumbledore's office and she had to admit, she'd felt scared for James. Lily had been prepared to march up to the Headmaster's Tower and give him a piece of her mind but, by the time she'd finished perfecting her speech in her head, James had climbed right through the portrait hole and, after informing her that everything was okay and that she needn't have worried, he went back to his dormitory - and the rest, as they say, was history.

At least he wasn't behaving recklessly any more, just a little more sombrely than she would have liked. Lily only hoped that, with time, he'd go back to the James Potter that she knew and loved. Because she did - love him, that is. It was kind of funny really, how what had once been an intense dislike, had turned into a tentative friendship, and then into an exceedingly strong one. Suddenly, James was one of Lily's best friends, one of the few people who she felt like she could always confide in and, even though there was always an understandably large elephant in the room, as time went by, it had started to grow increasingly smaller by the day. What started as a seemingly innocuous crush quickly developed into much more and, as Lily got to know James more and more, so her affection for him transformed into something a lot deeper, which was why now it really hurt to be so casually tossed aside. She was certain her friends knew about her feelings, though maybe not about their gravity. Well, Marlene must do for sure, and maybe Remus too, but no one had ever discussed it and so it simply sat on the backburner. Lily Evans loved James Potter. It was so painfully obvious that it didn't even hold up as a conversation topic.

Lily hadn't properly spoken to James since he'd dropped the bomb back in March, and though she had, of course, wished him a happy birthday, save for a few cordial _hello's_ and _pass the ketchup, please_ 's, James was still acting a little closed off towards her. Lily supposed that to some extent she understood but, blimey, it wasn't really fair of him to blame her for what had happened, was it? Not at all.

Because of the cold, the rest of the group soon retreated to the Gryffindor common room, where they bumped into Sirius. James was — of course, Lily scoffed — mysteriously absent.

"Dumbledore and Prongs are at the Entrance Gates," Sirius said with a grimace. "Unfortunately, they're not the only ones."

Peter, who was closest to the portrait hole, quickly turned around and led the group back to the ground floor of the castle.

"How did we miss this?" Marlene asked, her wand already at the ready. "We were literally just there."

Sirius shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess the all-knowing-Dumbledore just knew to keep things quiet."

Just before they reached the Front Hall, Remus picked up on some rustling and, following it, came face to face with Professor McGonagall. Although her face did not easily betray emotion, her eyes seemed a little glassier than usual and her lips, usually pressed into a trademark straight line, were turned down at the corners.

"Thank you, Mr. Black," the teacher said. "You can run along, I'm sure Mr. Potter would appreciate you being there."

Sirius simply breathed a quick _thank you, Professor_ , dashing off to the gates.

Professor McGonagall nodded and, turning back to the group, continued, "I need every single one of you to remain calm. We're dealing with an extremely difficult situation and it would be best if you didn't cause a scene."

"Of course, Professor," said Lily, "but could you please tell us what's wrong exactly?"

"Yes, well… I think it is only fair that I give you a chance to prepare yourselves," she replied, sparing a sympathetic glance Elizabeth's way.

Lizzy's face visibly paled. For Professor McGonagall of all people to be walking on eggshells around them, something must have been seriously wrong and, if recent events were anything to go by, it would most certainly have something to do with Susan's recent disappearance.

McGonagall took a deep breath.

"Susan Adams is dead."

* * *

All Lily could say was that none of it felt real.

After Professor McGonagall broke the news, it didn't take a long time for Dumbledore, flanked by Sirius and James, to show up. Susan's body was nowhere to be seen but Lily supposed that the Headmaster had taken care of that already. As he arrived, Dumbledore placed a comforting hand on Lizzy's shoulder and together the two of them walked, whispering their way through an otherwise empty corridor.

Because it was the holidays, there were no classes to distract them. They trudged to the library and for the first time _ever_ , really, sat in complete silence. Madame Pince, of course, being oblivious to the whole ordeal, was most pleased by the group's newfound appreciation for quiet. The Charms section had never, in Lily's humble opinion, felt so downright depressing.

A full two hours before supper began, the entirety of the student body was summoned to the Great Hall and, seemingly remembering something, James Potter broke off and headed to the Owlery.

The Great Hall was nearly full by the time he came back. The students chatted amongst themselves and, observing them, Lily could only envy her classmate's obliviousness. It was with a heavy heart that Lily acknowledged that it would be ripped away from them soon enough. Since she'd departed with Dumbledore that morning, Lizzy still hadn't returned.

After a moment's quiet, the Headmaster finally rose from his high-backed chair. His silver beard looked lacklustre and he was missing the characteristic glint in his eyes. Even the glass on his half-moon shaped spectacles looked dull.

"There's a lot that I'd like to say to you this evening," Dumbledore began, sending the students into an incessant fit of whispering and theorising. He waited for the crowd to quiet down once more.

"During breakfast, something set off the protective wards that surround the school." Immediately the volume of the whispering grew tenfold. "I informed the Heads of House of this fact and then quickly made my way to the entrance of the castle in the hope that I could quickly resolve any problem. However," he continued, "once I arrived at the main gates, there was no imminent threat, only what I believe to have been a message. Certainly a poorly timed and executed one, yes, but a message nonetheless."

Gingerly, Lily spared a glance James Potter's way. Rather than miserable, as she'd expected him to, he looked resigned. There was a fire in his eyes that hadn't been there that morning, and Lily wondered just how much of that had to do with whatever it had been that he'd gone to do in the Owlery.

"It appears our worst fears have been confirmed," Dumbledore said in a commanding voice. "Susan Adams was indeed taken by Death Eaters during the attack on Hogsmeade, not that there was any doubt that she hadn't left of her own accord. Unfortunately, it seems as though she was no longer of use to Voldemort or his followers, for she was delivered to our very doorstep this morning."

Panicked murmurs filled the hall. By now, everyone was fixed on Dumbledore, looks of horror spreading across the crowd of faces. At the Slytherin table, Lily noticed Evan Rosier and Elliot Goyle snickering about something. As usual, Snape looked indifferent to the whole ordeal.

"It is with the most unbelievable sadness that I apologise to you. Hogwarts has failed you and for that I'm tremendously regretful. I highly doubt that it will serve as a great source of comfort but, for now, all I can do is promise to be more alert and to fight back. For we _must_ fight back, as hard as we possibly can."

The Headmaster sighed deeply. "I do not intend to feed you political propaganda but it is time that us at Hogwarts start facing this war the way that it has to be faced. My goal is not to scare you, only to warn you. In the face of adversity, we must come together rather than fall apart. Regardless, classes will resume next week… but should you wish to go home and spend these last few days of the Easter break with your families, a train will be leaving Hogsmeade station this evening. A small service will be held at Hogwarts on Saturday, for those of you who wish to pay your respects to Susan's loved ones, and transportation for that too, of course, will be provided..."

Lily reached out to hold Mary's hand. Though most students looked scared—and rightly so, it was the Gryffindor table which looked the most downcast, their faces the saddest in the whole hall.

* * *

As usual, Dumbledore's plea to be prepared rather than scared resonated as something much easier said than done.

Now, rather than mourning, the majority of the students, particularly those of Muggle heritage, were absolutely terrified. Before the news of Susan's passing had come out, though it was very small, there was still a flicker of hope, but now it had been heavily stamped into nothingness.

Lily highly doubted her friends would want to stay here and she couldn't begrudge them. Lily herself wanted nothing more than to go home and hide away in her room for the foreseeable future but, seeing as that wasn't really an option, she felt resigned to stay at Hogwarts.

Whatever hunger Lily had felt before Dumbledore's speech was now gone. Now, she was in the Gryffindor common room, curled up in her favourite armchair, reading the latest Agatha Christie novel that Mary had gotten her for her birthday and she hadn't had a chance to read yet.

Lily felt someone sit down on the left armrest; it was James Potter. Running one hand through his perpetually unruly hair, he asked, "Why aren't you packing?"

"I'm staying at Hogwarts."

"Evans—" James gaped at her. "—what the bloody hell are you doing that for?"

"Don't give me that look," she chastised him. "It's not like I _want_ to stay, but I can't really go home, now can I? Mum isn't exactly aware of the current political climate and Petunia… Petunia doesn't really _care_."

"Come home with me," he said, as though it was the most obvious suggestion in the world, and Lily's heart skipped a beat.

"I couldn't possibly impose on your family that way."

"Don't be daft, Evans," scoffed James. "It's not a bloody imposition. You're family, and you deserve to _be_ with family. We'll bring the guys, and Marley, Mary, and Lizzy can come too, of course."

"Your parents, they don't—"

"I've spoken to them already, they'd be happy to have you. Well, not _happy_ , considering the circumstances, but—you know… The point is you're not imposing."

Lily eyed him with uncertainty. "If you're sure."

"One-hundred percent sure." He shook his head. "Come on, now! The last carriages will be leaving soon."

It was Lily's first night-ride on the Hogwarts Express. She watched the rain fall, fat droplets hitting the window glass, and soon enough she was asleep. She dozed on and off for most of the trip, either leaning against the window or laying her head on Marlene's lap, who was playing a rather flashy game of Exploding Snap with Sirius and Peter that miraculously didn't disturb Lily too much.

As she slept, Lily dreamt of hooded shadows chasing after her through the Forbidden Forest. She couldn't see the faces of her pursuers, as their heads had been swapped with those of snakes, dark in colour, with piercing yellow eyes. Lily ran until the trees of the forest thinned down into smaller bushes, and soon enough she found herself in Hogsmeade. It was unbearably cold in the village and, as she looked up at the sky, she figured out why; Dementors, dozens of them, roamed the streets, their black cloaks sweeping the ground and freezing everything in their path.

A bright flash of light shot past her, scaring the Dementors away. Lily felt her temperature rise, and only then did she notice the light had taken the form of an animal, though she couldn't exactly discern which one. It looked like it had some sort of antlers, and… was it a _deer_? It couldn't be, it was far too large an animal. A stag, perhaps?

Not long after, she awoke and, when she did, Lily noticed that she was propped up against James instead of Marlene now, who seemed to have dozed off himself somewhere over the course of the seven-hour journey back to London.

Once the train finally arrived at King's Cross, they hailed the Knight Bus, which quickly took them to James' large, overbearing house. His parents were asleep by the time that they got there, but his mum, Euphemia, had left a note with some instructions.

James and Sirius would both be staying in their own rooms, each bunking in with Peter and Remus, respectively. Marlene and Lily occupied the first guestroom and Mary and Lizzy would occupy the last one.

It didn't take long for Lily to fall asleep once more. She'd barely put on her pyjamas and hung up her Hogwarts cloak before she found herself falling into a deep slumber.

The next morning, Lily woke up feeling more well-rested than she had all term.

* * *

(T-minus: two days)

Only two days had passed since they'd left Hogwarts but Lily could already feel the difference. Her shoulders weren't as tense, her posture not so stiff, and she felt lighter than she had in months. Though Hogwarts was her _home_ , even Lily, who wasn't as close with Susan as Lizzy or even Mary had been, found it stifling and strange to roam the familiar corridors of the castle, knowing full-well Susan would never do so again.

Despite the weather, the boys had gone to play Quidditch in James' extremely large courtyard. The girls, however, were huddled up in Lily and Marlene's room. Mary was reading the newest edition of Witch Weekly, while the other three played with Elizabeth's old set of Gobstones.

They'd only been at it for ten minutes but Marlene was already clearly winning, as Lizzie had terrible aim, and Lily was far too distracted by the Quidditch game going on outside, and one Chaser in particular.

"A- _HA_!" Marlene exclaimed, as one of the marbles squirted its trademark rotten-smelling liquid at Lily, who shrieked as she felt it hit her arm. "You know, you seem awfully distracted today. Usually you're a Gobstones pro."

"Yeah, well…" Lily quipped weakly. "You know how it goes, off days and all…" She let her gaze drift back to the window, which gave her a clear view of the Marauders. Sirius had just scored a goal but it was James Potter who she couldn't look away from. His head was thrown back as he laughed and she could tell that the Impervius charm they'd casted was starting to wear off, as wet strands of dark hair were starting to cling to his forehead.

She forced herself to turn away from the window and back to her friends, coming face to face with Marlene's mocking smirk.

"You're being ridiculous, Lily, honestly," said Mary, looking up from her magazine. "He is as well."

Lily laughed. A familiar heat crept up all the way to her face and suddenly she was tomato-red all over.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied quickly, gingerly sparing a look at Lizzy. Why the bleeding hell her friends were flaunting her crush in front of Liz of all people, Lily had no idea. Elizabeth, however, simply smiled knowingly.

"I don't mind, Lily. Honestly," she pressed, "don't hold back on my account. Or Susan's. You deserve to be happy."

Lily swallowed, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. She wished she could catapult out of her skin and come back in a few hours; maybe by then her friends would have forgotten about it. Lily laughed to herself—fat chance of _that_ happening…

"But… but there's nothing there!" Lily insisted, her cheeks getting even redder. "You're all bloody mental, I say. Honestly, where you even got the idea, I don't—."

"For Merlin's sake, Lily," huffed Mary. "Are we seriously having this conversation again? Denial doesn't become you."

Lily sighed. "Alright, then. Say there's maybe something—a really small something— _oh, bollocks_. I'm so sorry, Liz... I'm such a shit friend."

"Merlin," Elizabeth replied, her lips turning into a grin, "have you really been trying to repress this so much that you've actually talked yourself into denial?"

Lily hid her face behind her hair.

"Oh my _God_!" Mary cried out in recognition. "So _that's_ why you were acting like shrew back when term started! You know, Peter was _all over me_ in Transfiguration when we partnered for the bird-conjuring charm."

"Uh?" Marlene asked. "What's Peter got to do with anything?"

"Oh, right... He was all like _Oh, Prongs won't shut up about Evans, he's always 'Why is Evans avoiding me?' and 'Have you talked to Evans lately?' and 'D'you reckon Evans is ok?'._ You were jealous!"

"I wasn't jealous!" Lily countered. It felt wrong to speak so openly about this when James' dead girlfriend was to be buried in a couple of days' time. But, seeing the looks of disbelief on her friend's faces, she conceded, "Okay, so maybe I was a little you _blame_ me though? I mean, I'm practically in _love_ with the guy and he bloody well goes and—oh no."

Marlene shrieked.

"You're such a Dodging Donna!"

Lily threw one of her pillows at Marlene and rolled her eyes. "He totally doesn't like me, though."

"What do you mean he doesn't like you?" asked Marlene in disbelief. "You can't actually be serious right now."

Seeing Lily's gobsmacked expression, Lizzy burst out laughing.

"Lil, he looks at you like you hung the fucking _moon_."

It took her a while but, when it finally sunk in, that this was James, and he _liked_ her, try as she might, Lily couldn't repress the ear-to-ear grin that threatened to take over her face. He didn't even have to be as far gone as she was, honestly; if only he felt for her a _tenth_ of what she felt for him, then they'd be fucking solid.

Mary coughed.

"I should probably tell him, then, shouldn't I?" asked Lily, eager. "I mean, he deserves to know, really, it'd only be _polite_ —"

"Lily, just go."

Lily took a deep breath, trying desperately not to rationalise herself into giving up on the idea.

"Yeah," she said to no one in particular. "Yeah, okay. I… I'm going. I'm going."

Then, she stood up and, looking once more at Elizabeth, she said, "Are you sure it's okay? I mean, are you one-hundred percent—no, make it two-hundred—that I'm not, quite possibly, fucking up?"

"Go get him, dragon."

* * *

It took one sharp left, descending a staircase, and then two right turns for her to reach James' makeshift Quidditch pitch. Instead of casting her own Impervius charm, she marched right out into the rain before she could change her mind and go back inside.

Instead, she casted a quick _Sonorus_ on herself and shouted " **POTTER!** "

He whipped his head back to look behind him so fast that Lily was _sure_ he must have gotten whiplash.

"Evans?" he asked, immediately starting to dive down.

"Can you come inside for a second? There's something I want to talk to you about."

By the time they returned to the house, Lily was soaked, the moisture from her hair seeping uncomfortably into her cream shirt.

"So… what did you want to tell me?" James panted.

Well, _that_ Lily knew. She wanted to tell him how much she liked him, how much she _loved_ him, how much happier she was when he was around, how she honestly couldn't see her world without James Potter. There was also the fact that she wanted to snog him senseless, of course, but maybe that particular part she'd leave out in the hope that he'd catch onto that. _How_ she was going to express it all… Lily had no idea.

She had all the words in the world at her disposal and yet she wasn't certain of how to work with them; she didn't know which ones to put after the others, didn't know how to arrange them in a way that said exactly what she needed to say, so desperately. And so, Lily did what she did best when it came to James Potter; she argued.

"Oh, you know, it's just that… well, I've been thinking—you know, as one does—and I've just—we're not really _friends_ , are we?" There Lily went, stuffing her foot into her mouth. Honestly, why James wanted anything to do with her was beyond her.

James's eyes went wide. "What do you mean we're not friends? Of course we're friends! Don't be ridiculous, Lily," he scoffed.

"No, of course," Lily rushed to explain. "All I'm saying is that, well, to put it lightly, I think that you're the most brilliant, remarkable, maddening person I have ever met, and you challenge me more than anyone… I mean, isn't the goal to find someone who can dish it out just as well as you can?"

At this point, James' left hand had already jumped to his hair, anxiously wreaking more havoc than even the strongest pot of Sleekeazy's could tame. He exhaled heavily, trying—and failing—to ground himself. What was she _getting_ at?

"And we've gotten there, haven't we?" she continued. "Even when I was a prig and you were—well, a dick, really—it's just always been there, hasn't it? Oh, bollocks, I'm really rambling here…"

James was losing his patience.

"Lily. Get to the point," he snapped, clenching his jaw.

Lily, of course, went on as though she hadn't heard him. What was he expecting? She was pouring her bleeding heart out here, for Christ's sake – finally! She was on a _roll_.

"—and so, I mean, the only _logical_ conclusion is that, well, we're being quite stupid about it all, aren't we? Because to be honest, I'm halfway in love with you already, so, if you could square up and put us both out of our bloody miseries—"

But Lily never finished her sentence as James pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers.

It was by far the messiest kiss that she'd experienced in all of her admittedly short life, but it was also the _best_. They were sticking to each other, and Lily's wet hair was definitely in the way, but then James cupped her cheeks and did something so _delicious_ with his tongue that Lily could hardly worry about it.

Just as soon as he pulled her close, though, he pulled away.

Lily's heart, moving miles too fast, shattered. Her face fell and, with a shudder, she pushed her hair behind her ears.

"Well… right then, I guess I'll be going—"

James quickly pulled her back in, this time leaning down just enough so that both their foreheads could touch.

"Lily, don't be daft, _of course_ I love you," he breathed, and it was both easy and heavy. "Just… let me put Susan to rest. I need to do that before I can do this."

"But you do? Want to do this?" Lily didn't know if her voice really sounded that small or if it was just a consequence of the blood pounding in her ears.

"I want to do this," he assured her. "Just… maybe not just yet?"

It wasn't a refusal. They were tabling it for a while, but it wasn't _off_ the proverbial table.

And for the time being, to Lily, that was enough.

* * *

(T-minus: two hours)

The whole Lily and James debacle made for a pretty strange couple of days.

Now that everything was, for better or for worse, out in the open, every single one of their interactions—every mindless conversation, every locking of eyes, every brush of hands, shoulders, elbows—seemed charged in a way it hadn't been before.

Now, instead of softly humming, whenever Lily got in a six-foot radius of James, her whole body buzzed in anticipation.

That, of course, only made her feel more terrible about the whole ordeal with Susan, though James had, of course, kept his word and, much to Lily's chagrin, his hands to himself.

The change in their demeanour hadn't gone unnoticed by their friends, either; as soon as Lily made her way back to her and Marlene's room, she was positively _assaulted_ by the girls, who immediately demanded that she tell them the full play-by-play of her rendezvous with James. Not delving too much into it, Lily simply told them things had gone well and that nothing major had happened; she suspected that James had had a very similar conversation with his mates, though whether they actually talked about their feelings at length or not was beyond her. _Boys_.

The whole thing had only happened two days ago, even if to her it felt like a lifetime. By the time the forty-eight hour mark rolled around, the whole atmosphere of the house had shifted.

The much dreaded—though, also regrettably awaited—Saturday had sneaked up on them, and the group soon found themselves back on the Hogwarts Express.

Lizzy hadn't cried yet. Instead she sat there, catatonic, staring blankly out of the fogged-up window, not really seeing anything.

When they arrived at Hogsmeade station, it was dark out. The bewitched carriages brought them back to the castle and, for Lily, seeing the impressive towers and chambers once again was what truly burst her bubble.

It was only then that Lily _really_ realised just how detached from the real world that she'd felt at James' house. Coming back to the castle, walking the grounds again, and standing underneath Susan's favourite beech tree was a harsh reality check, and no amounts of drooling over James and replaying their glorious, magnificent, _brilliant_ kiss could change things.

Susan was dead. Today was her funeral.

With classes starting on Monday, most of the students who'd gone home for the holidays had taken the train back to the castle. And so, despite the late hour, the grounds were full.

Next to the lake, small wooden chairs had been arranged in perfectly aligned rows. A small elevated stage had been mounted, and Lily couldn't help but wonder why the service wasn't being held in the Great Hall. It would have made a lot more sense from a logistical point of view.

Today students of _all_ the houses sat together, abandoning notions of house loyalties and choosing instead to sit with their closest friends in what would otherwise be a beautiful and colourful mix, if they hadn't all been dressed in black.

Susan's family was predictably absent. Muggles were unable to see Hogwarts, never mind step foot inside it.

As Lily would later learn, her parents, and especially her younger brother, had been so distraught upon hearing the news that there hadn't even been a proper Muggle ceremony.

Dumbledore gave a speech but Lily had numbingly zoned out for most of it.

She couldn't bear to focus on what he was saying or her surroundings because in doing so she was only reminded of the uncertainty of her own life, how easily it could have been _her_ , or Mary, or any of them… and it scared Lily more than she cared to admit.

Instead, she stared at Dumbledore with glazed eyes, not even bothering to wipe away her tears, and feeling like a hypocrite.

* * *

Only two weeks had passed since term had started and already Minerva McGonagall could notice a difference in her students.

The younger ones, poor little things, walked the halls terrified, always in clusters of at least five, constantly looking over their shoulders. Everyone was so skittish that most had taken a liking to the 'hex first, ask questions later' attitude, and so jinx-related injuries were at an all-time high.

The older ones, however, had chosen to approach the situation in a different way. Some were taking shifts in the Hospital Wing, trying to help Madam Pomfrey manage the overwhelming influx of injured students. Others were stepping up in their chosen practical clubs, such as Charms, Potions, or, of course, Transfiguration. Some had even decided to take on the challenge of leading tutoring groups, but only one of them, Professor McGonagall noticed, seemed to be trying to do it _all_ at once.

She was sitting at her desk, grading some second-year essays, when James Potter knocked on her door.

"Professor?"

McGonagall motioned for him to take a seat but he did not. Instead, he pulled out from his bookbag what looked like dozens of lists, charts, and a considerable amount of scribbled parchment.

"I've been thinking about the latest Transfiguration club meeting and I can't help but wonder if there's more we could be doing when it comes to the practical demonstrations… The Hogwarts curriculum is great, of course, but there's still _so much_ we don't know—"

"Have you slept at all, Potter?" McGonagall interrupted.

"A couple of hours, yeah," he dismissed, running a hand through his hair. "But what do you think of—"

"It simply wouldn't do to have my Quidditch Captain collapse in the middle of a game because he's too exhausted to hold his head upright."

At this, James visibly straightened out.

"Well, you see—I failed her," he said. "Susan, that is."

McGonagall opened her mouth to speak but Potter, apparently forgoing social niceties, went on before she could interject. "It doesn't matter how or in what way. I failed Susan, and now she's dead and I have to make up for it, I _need_ to make up for it. I'm stepping up, in whatever way necessary."

"I have to say, Potter," McGonagall said, poorly disguising her choked-up voice, "it's lovely to see you shape up to be the person that I've always known you could be."

She didn't miss the way his cheeks blushed, but, rather than acknowledging it, James Potter simply nodded and asked to be excused.

That same night, McGonagall put on her tartan dressing gown and marched to Professor Dumbledore's quarters. The Headmaster was sitting in his rocking chair and knitting.

"I'm sorry to intrude on your night, Headmaster."

"You are not intruding in the slightest, Minerva. Come on in, take a seat."

"I won't need much time," McGonagall assured him. Professor Dumbledore produced a mug from thin air and poured her some lemon tea.

She took a sip and began, "Well, Albus, while I acknowledge that it may be bold and presumptuous to take too strong a stance when it comes to picking and choosing between students, I've come to give you my opinion. Likewise, I give you my word that what I believe to be the correct choice comes not from a place of favouritism but of principle…" she took another sip, pausing as a precursory, "Perhaps I shouldn't advocate for such a polarising student… but nevertheless I firmly believe that James Potter should be made Head Boy. Indeed, to appoint any other student would be a disservice to the school."

"Thank you, Minerva. I am glad I will, at least, have one faculty member supporting my decision."

If Professor McGonagall was surprised, she did not show it. Instead, she asked reservedly, "And as for Head Girl?"

Dumbledore smiled into his own mug, eyes twinkling.

"Lily Evans, of course."

* * *

 **A/N:** Soooooo did you guys like it? Please don't forget to tell me what you thought of this chapter in the review section bellow, and I'll (hopefully) see you soon! x


	16. I Have A Dream

**A/N:** Hello there! I hope you're having an amazing start to the week! To make matters even better (I hope), here's the 15th (sans prologue) and final chapter of Talk Me Down.

Writing this fic has really been a dream come true. I've learned so much from writing it and made so many friends along the way, that parting with it is actually sort of bittersweet. But I'm excited to move on to different things!

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I loved to write it.

Carry on!

(To my friends: Bon, Nai, Gracie, Vic, Chloe, Linds, Kristina, Rhi. I have learned so much from you. Thank you for sticking by me even when I'm being a bit dense, for always coming to my rescue when I'm having one of those days, and for making me laugh and feel more loved than I've ever had. Special thank you to my wonderful beta, Charlotte, without whom this fic could never have been so true to the story in my head.)

 **Disclaimer: I obviously don't own any of this, though I totally wish I did.**

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen**

Or

 _I Have A Dream_

* * *

The rest of Lily's sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry flew by unnervingly fast and, in the end, while the Quidditch cup went to Slytherin, it was Gryffindor who was awarded the House Cup.

Despite the victory, Lily couldn't say that she felt sad about going back home; in fact, she revelled in anticipation.

During that last part of term, she had been so incredibly busy that seven weeks of classes had felt much more like a fortnight. Between the Slug Club dinners and Prefect meetings, the shifts at the Hospital Wing, and, of course, studying for her final exams, Lily hardly had any time left for trivial things such as _feeding herself_ or _sleeping_ more than five hours a night.

It was only natural that she'd be excited about going home, catching up on her reading, and spending some time with friends and family—yes, even Petunia. Indeed, not even the possibility of running into Snape dampened her mood.

She spent her summer bouncing from place to place; first, she went home, then off to Marlene's, then to James' for a week, then back home, and finally, to Marlene's again.

When her Hogwarts letter came and brought with it a shiny new badge, Lily could hardly believe it.

She was at home when it happened and, upon reading the actual letter and realising it was realand not just a prank, Lily had squealed so hard it even woke Petunia up. That, of course, meant she'd be given the silent treatment for at least two more days, but Lily didn't care. In just a week, she'd be back at Marlene's house, where she'd stay until September first.

* * *

It was November now and James had proven himself a much more capable Head Boy than most people had anticipated. Lily, of course, had had no doubts, especially considering the way that he'd cleaned up his act back in April.

All the Quidditch had definitely helped, too. Indeed, having been Captain for the past two years had given him an insight into leadership, delegation, and people management that Lily herself envied.

As a consequence of the inescapable war, rounds ran longer than ever before, point-docking regulation was much tighter, and the bureaucratic work was absolutely dreadful. Somehow, having James Potter as her partner made it considerably more bearable.

Indeed, being Head Girl was hard work, but it did come with its privileges; not only did they no longer have to abide by a curfew, they were also granted private offices! Of course, those were both meant to be used for head duties… but there was nothing in her Hogwarts letter discouraging them from the odd visit to the kitchen and Lily would be lying if she said she didn't usually have company during such outings.

If Lily thought that she and James had been close before, it was nothing compared to their current relationship and, though her group of friends was most beloved, even she had to admit, it was James Potter's company that she sought after the most.

No, they weren't dating yet. Not officially, anyway.

They didn't kiss—hadn't even _once_ since Easter—or hold hands, but they led prefect meetings as a united front, napped together when patrol reports got particularly gruelling, and she had worn his scarf to the Quidditch match the previous month.

As James was particular to waking up early, he always saved Lily some porridge and toast, and in turn she made sure that he always had pudding for after Quidditch practice. She proofread his Charms essays, he helped her with practical Transfiguration.

Neither had brought dates to the latest Hogsmeade visit.

They weren't dating— not _yet_ , Lily reminded herself—but already James was completely hers.

And she was his.

* * *

It was precisely eight-fifty-one in the morning when a letter landed in Lily's pumpkin juice.

She fished it out and, after shooting a nasty look at the owl responsible for such a wrongdoing, dried off the envelope with a flick of her wand.

Her first lesson of the day was Transfiguration and, not wanting to tempt fate—or, rather, McGonagall's ire—she stashed it inside her bookbag for after class.

Today they'd be working on human Transfiguration, and Lily couldn't say she was very much looking forward to it. Just last week, Eloise from Ravenclaw house had been stuck with a pig's nose for an entire day. James, however, was nearly bouncing in his seat with excitement. All the Marauders were.

Professor McGonagall entered the classroom at exactly nine o'clock and that was that. Fortunately, no accidents transpired and mostly everything went smoothly. Sure, at one-point Sirius charmed one of Peter's arms into a boa constrictor, but he fixed it so quickly that, by the time McGonagall turned around from the board, everything was back to normal.

Their good behaviour was rewarded, and class ended ten minutes earlier than usual. Lily seized the opportunity and, after saying goodbye to her friends, who had History of Magic without her, she stalked off. After all, the Head Offices were only two corridors away and, whatever post she got, Lily always preferred to read it in private.

She placed her bag atop the desk and sat down in one of the wooden chairs. As soon as Lily opened the envelope and pulled out the letter, she immediately recognised her mother's handwriting. It read:

" _Dear Lily,_

 _I hope you're enjoying your last autumn term at Hogwarts! How was the Halloween feast? Was it as lovely as you remembered?_

 _I'm writing to remind you of Petunia's wedding gift. She assured me that she'd already spoken to you about it but, still, I wanted to make sure. After all, no proper wedding can be planned based off word of mouth alone. Everything's happening so quickly—just four more months, can you imagine? —and Petunia's insisted on doing so much herself, but I wanted to talk to you about it._

 _She's really sorry that you can't be maid of honour, but Yvonne—do you remember Yvonne? She's the one from Petunia's English class—made your sister_ her _maid of honour and so Petunia simply has got to return the favour. She told me she spoke to you and you didn't mind. I know you wouldn't, you've always been such a dear._

 _Please let me know when you'll be back home so we can get you a dress! None of that dress robe business. I was thinking of a green perhaps, for it always looks so beautiful with your complexion._

 _Lots of love,_

 _Mum"_

Lily dropped the letter on top of the table.

Petunia? Wedding gift? Maid of honour? _What?_

* * *

Predictably enough, Lily never made it to Ancient Studies. Instead, she holed herself up in the offices for the whole morning, where instead of writing back to her mother, she attempted—and failed—to get started on her Potions essay.

Why had Petunia not told her she was engaged? And why had she told their mum that Lily already knew about it? She'd been at home for a full three weeks that summer, and neither of them had mentioned a thing…

Lily racked her brain trying to figure it out and in the end was left with the only possible conclusion; her sister hadn't wanted her to know.

With poorly disguised puffy eyes and a runny nose, Lily made it to the Great Hall just in time for lunch. Taking one look at her face, her friends quickly realised that something wasn't right, but they didn't push her and for that Lily was glad.

She didn't want to talk about it, at least not for the time being. Not only was she hurt, Lily felt embarrassed… Her _own_ sister was getting married and she didn't want Lily there. She'd always known that Petunia despised her, and everything related to magic, but not once did Lily think that she'd actually be completely cut off from Tuney's life. If only she wasn't too bloody proud, Lily would write to Petunia and demand to be involved in the wedding, if only as a guest.

Oh well, Lily sighed. Long gone were the days that she'd pine for her sister's attention. Instead, she silently ate her lamb chops, barely looking up from her plate.

The rest of the day followed in a very similar fashion. It was a good thing that Lily didn't have any more classes because she didn't think they'd be very fruitful. Alongside Mary, Marlene and Lizzy, she marched up to the library and forced herself to do some work because, even if not for the sake of her sanity, it was still N.E.W.T year.

They worked the whole afternoon and, by the time they let out for supper, Lily had put Petunia's letter on the backburner. Still there, of course, but not nearly as bothersome as it had been earlier in the day.

Later that evening, the group made a cocoa run to the kitchens, after which they finally sauntered over to Gryffindor Tower. It was dark outside by the time they got there but Lily didn't want to head upstairs just yet.

Assuring her friends that she was okay—and accepting their offer to take Lily's bookbag up with them—she sat in her favourite armchair by the fire, her mum's letter dancing between her fingertips. Oh, how Lily itched to just throw it in…

Everyone had mostly gone up to bed but, despite the ridiculously late hour, Lily was still wearing her school robes. If she went upstairs to get dressed, there was no way she'd come back down and there was still someone Lily wanted to see before going to bed.

She was lucky, then, that it didn't take him long to show up. The last Gryffindor left in the common room had just gone up to their dorm room when James Potter climbed through the portrait hole.

"Sorry I took so long," he breathed. "Patrols with Goshawk took a lot longer than I was expecting… Hey, what's wrong?" James asked, after only having glanced at Lily for a second. It was incredible how well he could read her.

Instead of explaining, Lily simply handed him the envelope, now crumpled from all the re-reading she'd done throughout the day.

James sat down next to Lily, eyes quickly darting across the letter. He drew a sharp breath and turned back to her.

"My sister's a real piece of work, isn't she?" Lily chuckled humourlessly.

James shook his head, hand jumping to mess up even further his already unruly hair.

"We don't need her," James urged. "We'll have our own wedding right here—"

This time, it was Lily who cut James off with her lips.

He pulled away.

 _Fuck_ , Lily thought. But then, she looked at James and he was laughing.

"We have to stop doing it like this," he said.

Lily grinned, her heart like a beating drum.

"Any other preferences I should know about?" she teased, as James gripped her ankles and pulled her closer to him.

"When I kiss you," he started, briefly connecting their lips before pulling away once more, "it will be deliberate." Another kiss, though this time he allowed Lily just enough time for her to gently tug at his lower lip. "You won't have to wonder whether I did it on a whim or whether I actually meant it—"

He kissed Lily again, slowly, this time taking her cheeks in his hands, bringing her even closer than before. His lips were soft and gentle - Lily could taste the vanilla pudding he loved so much - but they moved with purpose too, experiencing Lily in the same way that she was savouring him.

James let go and, still with his eyes closed, he took Lily's hands in his.

"—You'll _know_."

* * *

When Lily awoke one particular December Sunday, she found a note underneath her pillow. It was written in gold ink on glossy navy-blue card.

" _Six p.m., the Headmaster's office. Speak of this to no one."_

She hid it inside her pillowcase and went on with her day, hoping that at least for the next few hours she'd be able to push the cryptic memo out of her mind.

Her boyfriend— _her boyfriend! —_ of course, had other plans.

"Did you get one too?" he asked, anxiously running one hand through his hair.

"I thought we weren't supposed to tell anyone," she whispered.

"Well, I've never been much able to keep things from you, have I?"

Lily laughed. "No, you fool, you haven't." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him.

How wonderful was it that now, she could do it whenever she wanted to?

At five-fifty, Lily made her way to Dumbledore's office. When she arrived, all her friends were there already, as were Lucinda and Bertha Jorkins. Professor McGonagall opened the door and ten or so witches and wizards were already roaming the room, mingling and sipping warm Butterbeer.

"Welcome," Dumbledore started, "to the Order of the Phoenix."

Though they'd be doing it for different reasons, leaving Hogwarts and fighting in a war so close to the front lines was scary. In just a few months, whatever pain and despair they'd felt when those Death Eaters had attacked Hogsmeade would become _routine_. Long nights on missions, days on end, _weeks_ even separated, working undercover… and yet Lily couldn't imagine herself doing anything else.

She'd told James back in the beginning of their sixth year that she'd love to become a teacher someday, but not in a world like this. She wanted it to be in a reality where all the wars that she'd tell her students about were fiction.

Their life outside of Hogwarts would be so different from anything Lily had ever known. There would be dark days, of course, but Lily was certain there would also be light. Even if they had only been dating for a month, there was no doubt in Lily's mind that she and James were both in it for the long haul.

If anything, at least they had each other, and somehow it was enough.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading! Please please _please_ let me know how you liked it. It's been a pleasure writing Talk Me Down, and I hope you stick around for future works (though not in the TMD universe. For now I'm planning to leave it as is.)

I'll see you soon!

Adriana x


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